I’ve become
well-rounded,
smoothed and
left laying in
this shallow stream,
having been tossed
and rocked and rolled
in what once was
a raging river,
giving me time to be
but taking all my corners.
Tag: unemployed
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well-rounded
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She’s so herself and I love her
She wants to sell lemonade
And buy herself some gum.
She’s so herself and I love her
With every bit of my being.
But I’m scared I’m being
A failure and that’s
All I can give her:
Warnings, wasted moments,
And what not to do.
I hope she sees through
These thoughts to
How much she’s given me
Life and love and
Something to look forward to
When everything feels
So temporary,
Including me,
But I look at her and know
There’s permanence in
Being strong enough
To just be,
To just live,
To ride it out and
Do what I can to
Be her dad.
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At least compared to the sadness
I don’t cry enough,
At least compared to the sadness
And anxiety
And anger
And frustration
And all those other feelings that take more from me than I give them.
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It’s not that hard, it’s just devastating.
My bad days are beginning to outnumber our good moments,
And I’m tired
Because I can’t sleep.It’s not that hard,
It’s just devastating.
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I feel failure
I feel failure
Pulsing through me,
Moving eyes and head and fingers and arms,
Which I’ve abandoned
To be inward, to be
Somewhere other than reality
Because reality is too real
Too real for me
While I can be
A coward
Inward
Instead
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half-filled pages
I have tried to bury myself
in these words and jotted phrases.
I have tried to find myself
in these half-filled pages.Yet, I still don’t know who I am.
But, I know who I am to them.
So, I will keep writing
and I will keep trying
to find myself for them.
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my body is beating,
my body is beating,
the tick-tock flood
of blood rushing
then repeating,
and all I can see
are hands trying to start
their motion, but failing
and restarting
and failing
and restarting
and all I can feel
are the knocks on my ribs
as I slowly calm into my thoughts
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all I want is a conversation,
all I want is a conversation,
a chance to convince you
I am worth what I am
and what I need to survive.
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so much of my life
so much of my life has been spent and not earned.
i am indebted to the nights and behind on the days.