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my writings

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 soldier ,  good morning 
 mittens ,  break of thinking ,  the lights, how they rub you 
 stoolpigeon ,  perfect skin ,  cliched 
 untagged ,  cryst hall ,  what's wrong now? 
 night-tricks ,  back down ,  crystal way 
 my way home ,  autumnal ,  de milo 
 oak ,  lonely breathing ,  tilted 
 chipped record ,  chain lover ,  weathered 
 older brother ,  excuse me ,  just to see you 
 seeing ,  familiars ,  when twopence becomes a pound 
 tweazer ,  i scroll ,  constant interruptions 
 all that's still to hold ,  sacred and belying ,  bolted 
 my own seasons ,  where is the sky? ,  work ahead 
 if not here were we ,  say goodbye ,  roots 
 when can we ,  one day ,  in 
 nights one ,  green day ,  it's tuesday 
 blur ,  chorus ,  CAGE. 
 BREAK. ,  six figure sum ,  to naj 
 one line ,  tied ,  can you tell me the time 
 plucked ,  gasping for the sake of breathing ,  this skin 
 drowned scars ,  bare ,  wander 
 why ,  the fool ,  audrey-- 
 disillusioned estimates of sacrificed moments ,  nc 33 east ,  wandering sorceress 
 that type of song ,  you-- ,  say anything 
 solo in the background ,  dampened stares ,  dulled thoughts 
 belong to the stars ,  woken ,  taste 
 nth ,  centered ,  tiles 
 Famous Forgotten ,  longer than the madness lasts ,  ray-draped 
 Pep, see? ,  she ran ,  r.i.p.a. 
 playground ,  is it ,  Open-toe 
 pen in hand ,  am i not shakespeare ,  you can everything 
 if if only if ,  all my life 2 ,  maybe- 
 out on the town* ,  you'll never know ,  to wave goodbye again 
 crying within ,  one day- ,  room for two? 
 pourquoi ,  petals* ,  high 
 run ,  aside ,  melted in the 3rd person 
 curv'ed ,  acoustic souls ,  quoted 
 just as good ,  lost in a daydream ,  offcourse 
 all my life ,  when my mind is free ,  a thousand dreams 
 avoiding gravity ,  and back to you ,  waiting for daybreak 
 beautiful today ,  prince upon a time ,  bentover and crying 
 his again ,  open-armed ,  Immortal Fools 
 unfinished ,  without reason ,  dragonflight 
 perpetual motion ,  whipped ,  sad i cry 
 the princess and the warrior ,  too late ,  twisted silence 
 when it's over ,  raydraped ,  fade in 
 tomorrow's name ,  lost in song ,  if you try 
 fuck your games ,  dream screaming ,  with a smile 
 argot ,  that's life ,  falling 
 let me go ,  life or ,  say to say 
 damn it feels good ,  luck-struck ,  why not 
 alwayz ,  and ,  doesn't matter 
 sweat ,  of those days ,  one of these days 
 everything ,  you're still here ,  my rapunzel 
 steady ,  today today ,  absurdity arisen 
 stop ,  bent ,  inside crystal 
 within a thousand lights ,  past ,  every day on trial 
 fragments spoken ,  why you ,  chiselled 
 yeah ok ,  let me fall ,  melody 
 twixted ,  hey hello goodbye ,  i'm done 
 lover may i ,  take ,  public display 
 have you ever ,  home ,  willows 
 kiss the earth and smile 2 ,  thoughts ,  buddy holly 
 kiss the earth and smile ,  blindsided ,  solo 
 the violin ,  decibles ,  if only 
 statuette ,  down the pipe ,  kodak 
 what went wrong ,  you said ,  chance delayed 
 graffiti ,  curbside visions ,  muted symphony 
 feather-struck ,  monestery steps ,  Sonnet I 
 buck up ,  supplemental ,  tumbling race 
 emophobia ,  wandering goodbyes ,  busy? 
 snicker ,  heaven ,  electronic piano 
 knuckle to the nail ,  hello, dear ,  why 
 maybe ,  unsent ,  memories 
 ballet in the lobby ,  sung ,  self 
 night to day ,  never seen ,  love & sex 
 i'm not that scared ,  confused ,  holding my breath 
 trying to catch the stars ,  waiting ,  screwed 
 the pit ,  beauty ,  if.. 
 venus ,  3rd person ,  drifter 
 limbs ,  circus petal ,  like a flower 
 father ,  danielle is beautiful ,  is it me 
 who said ,  tired ,  nice guy 
 every word ,  yesterday ,  30 seconds 
 Sleeping ,  what? ,  once 
 unf ,  jealous universe ,  naive slumbers 
 plea from heaven ,  best-dressed ,  beneath 
 subliminal ,  miracle ,  stay 
 purched atop the towers ,  a thousand mile journey 
 dreamin' in the daytime 
 roaming ,  first ,  without you 
 wonder ,  trickle-down ,  the ghetto 
 Pitiful Jupiter ,  forget the world ,  shades 
 constant glance ,  Try ,  another day 
 gooberchild ,  kissing toads ,  another symphony 
 collapsed lung, pressured soul ,  head over ,  glimmer 
 A New Look ,  bleeding ,  oxymoronic 
 traffic ,  A summer at Milburn Place ,  yesterdays 
 The Darkness ,  tomorrow ,  crystal field 
 it goes ,  left without ,  history 
 She ,  touched ,  behind the stars 
 i love you ,  worn ,  my last summer 
 mine ,  breaking ,  aged 
 by the dawn ,  ode to the halls ,  beneath the stairs 
 my own sound ,  Rose ,  sharpened over time 
 melted ,  numb-sense ,  missing halo 
 pussy ,  broken-hearted ,  drunken lullabies 
 Unrequited ,  eye wide ,  petals 
 inspired ,  whatever ,  take it all out on me 
 growing pains ,  take me ,  one eye closed 
 puppet ,  fallen ,  shackled 
 standing behind you ,  old navy shirt in the gutter ,  dusted valley 
 sorted lies ,  diznee ,  the coldness of ice 
 something ,  suck from me ,  the table 
 please ,  the box ,  i first saw you 
 the switch ,  closed ,  Music From Another Room 
 pain.. gone. ,  sprites ,  untitled 
 dream ,  in denial ,  too weak to say good bye 
 pathetic ,  i'll never ,  it's amazing 
 beyond ,  bitten through ,  multi-minded 
 sleeping beauty ,  we said hello

 comments, etc. should be sent to

 huddled under a helmet-shaped moon,
 this boy lays-- a survivor of the black's
 stabbing stars-- his hands out, cast to
 tie their tales to sheet-- the same
 with mind: still searching through lids.

good morning
 i leave notes tied to your bedpost
 to be read come rays unmasked--
 just a good morning,
 with a promise of more
 if, for a lifetime, i remain yours.

 how unsliced the air
 with heat and silence--
 from knee to mitt my hand slides,
 perhaps too much for now,
 but the sweat slows speech/
 disposes of worry--
 a moment made to glass
 from sand of dust-covered time--
 maybe one day.

break of thinking
 chipped, i stand before you
 broken thoughts rambling on,
 skipping here to get to there--
 can you understand
 the life i wish we had
 is so close without worrying who
 would stand between us--
 shouldn't we ignore the warnings
 and meet on the tracks/
 intersecting our words
 the way we always have--
 shouldn't we give everything back,
 all the words of wisdom heaped on our backs--
 shouldn't we not step down
 to the thought of breaking?

the lights, how they rub you
 We used one member's coffee shop, meeting after-hours.
 I remember the cackle from the first two chairs-
 a deep-voiced man and a long-retired woman chatted
 about how he had accepted Santa, but preferred eight to one.
 She was very pleasant, asking afterward
 why I chose a cane over a dog
 and added, rather quickly, that if she were in my position
 she would have chosen her Milo
 over a friend she could call "Plank"
 (I used your mother's old excuse-I'm bad with pets).
 The rest of them had a burning agenda: find in which year,
 according to the Chinese calendar, they had been born
 (I believe they had tackled their signs three weeks prior).
 When asked to volunteer,
 I paused, losing my grip on the floor,
 trying to remember every day, in perfect order-
 trying to decide exactly what I should share
 and what I shouldn't:
    Days once spent on that bench,
    hands on lap for fear of sticking-
    questions leaping from tip of tongue
    after a child my age exclaims
    "They call that a squirrel!"
    Nights once stripped of smiles,
    another stranger's hand
    trying to tell me where the corner ends
    (will they ever let me cross alone?).
 On the stool, my lips became loose,
 mimicking the rise and fall of a sea.
 I would try to slow down,
 to let each word catch up-
 but they were colliding, sending out a melee of new words,
 hand-picked from any Twain novel,
 but skewed and reversed to show their incoherency.
 The lights. I remember how they rub you,
 like that just-cleaned t-shirt you've waited 45 minutes to wear-
 a temperate marathon from chin to brow,
 pooling mostly around the cheeks.
 That was the fragrance to our group:
 Electric Sun, with each bit of air grasping onto our nostrils-
 no clear scent but the sudden warmth of one another.
 Those lights were what kept me going-
 I let spill a medley of hardships, joy,
 your birth-all coming forth through the clasp of the lights to my skin.
 In the length of a sermon our life was clamoring out
 and, for a breath, I was merely an echo of my overstocked silence.

 i was sitting atop my barstool,
 trying to remember
 how i once read each line
 as my fingers played catch with yesterdays.
 the floor was moving and i kept thinking
 "maybe one will listen,
 maybe one is hearing what i say."
 but it turned fruitless
 when the decibles tuned me out
 and a hand on my shoulder said
 "i don't think they care."

perfect skin
 do you want the
 perfect skin you've always asked for--
 the perfect skin
 you know will change the world--
 don't you want to
 be like all those idols
 you look at and wonder
 "how do they stay so young?"
 don't you need this
 this perfect skin
 you can't even fit into?
 how can you live without this
 perfect skin you've always wanted--
 the perfect skin
 that can only be had by
 giving up your own?

 there are a thousand posabilities
 in saying hello to you--
 perhaps he's afraid,
 perhaps he just doesn't know how
 to move on from all the greetings
 and take your hand from the air's solid grasp.
 there are a thousand posabilities
 in saying hello to you--
 perhaps he can't be the first,
 perhaps he's waiting for you--
 perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
 fuck it
 you're worth more than that
 and he knows it
 but can't
 can't let you know--
 lives are ruined that way/
 loose lips
 how are you,
 nice shoes
 perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
 you'll say it back/
 wish upon a star--
 too late, this one's falling
 and he's in the line of fire--
 waiting for you to say hi.

 i hope
 you have enough room
 to take my words with you--
 i hope
 you have enough time
 to hear me
 SCREAM them for you--
 i hope
 you feel the same way
 when i whisper to you--
 i am..
 forever yours--
 i hope
 you know i mean
 everything i say
 to you--
 i am forever
 i hope
 you understand
 when i say--
 i am forever yours.

cryst hall
 there is a hallway
 kept from evolution
 by sky-deep caves
 and iron-clad veins--
 where the most sacred
 of blind mirrors have been left
 uncut, rooted, overgrown--
 it is here
 the eyes can play tag
 with a thousand pixies
 to night-tricked melodies.

what's wrong now?
 how low your head hangs now
 that time has shown he's nothing more
 than a midnight snack and you're still starving/
 craving what?
 another misfortune you try to claim as worth it?
 another failure you try to make right by laughing?
 so sorry, but
 how dragged your step has become
 since you said you couldn't handle the stress/
 since you said you couldn't take it any more/
 well, now he's more and you're stuck again/
 again/how many times has this happened since/
 since you said you couldn't count on me anymore?
 well, sorry, but
 how calm i can say now
 all the words i've built to defend
 my innerchild's scribbling on unmarked paper/
 you gave it back, remember? you took a hit, held in,
 (no pun intended, but if the shoe fits).
 how easily i can say now
 all the phrases once abandoned
 when i thought you were it/
 when i thought you were all that's right/
 how wrong i was
 but only when i realized
 WHAT'S WRONG? what's wrong? what's wrong?

 eyes unoiled and left to rust shut on your image burned
 burned into my EYES.
 all i can see?!
 your lines unravelled,
 left to stumble down
 a cindered blender blurring every word hitting my ear
 hitting my EAR.
 all i can hear?!
 hands rehearsing with opened fingers--
 clenching/bracing for yours to join in this aerial waltz
 can you hear my laughter fading when you leave?
 can you see our eyes playing tag?
 you're ALL I EVER SEE.
 you're ALL I EVER HEAR.
 you're EVERYTHING i see branded on lids fighting day
 you're EVERYTHING i hear telling Sun to fade
 while night-tricks make you seem interested
 interested in me.

back down
 dried and planted,
 i sprout my wings and fall--
 too weak to fly,
 too strong to BACK DOWN.
 just touch me once
 and i'll snap back--
 you're not the one with the wings, pal.
 just touch me once
 and i'll be back with 10x--
 ever had a chicken sandwich Gone Wild?
 forget the moments of sheer emotion/
 when you'd hand your hate to me/
 i'll let those slide
 just cuz you're nice,
 but touch me once
 and i'll show you why nerves Gone Cold
 is accuracy Gone Gold.

crystal way
 there is a hallway
 closed for renovations
 for the past couple centuries.
 there is a hallway
 so overgrown
 the eyes can play tag
 with a thousand pixies dancing
 from waltz to waltz to waltz
 running, running,
 through corridors open
 to waketime's interpretations
 of what a vision might be.
 there is a hallway
 halfwoken to the chime
 a gathering of children brings
 without voice, without rush,
 merely a finger's pulling
 on translucent strings.
 there is a hallway
 halfslumbered to eternity--
 a child of
 close-eyed Reality.

my way home
 my way home
 use to take me straight to the left--
 right into the pounding of each ale
 as though warpaint was used--
 us marching! us fighting! us doing
 anything other than
 laughing about everything
 everything we never saw as worthy
 of a good chuckle
 until now--
 what if i went back there?
 would they miss me?
 would there
 even be
 what if i stepped in,
 slammed my hand on the table
 demanded the usual
 only to find
 the usual is lost just like
 the smiles
 the smiles we once shared--
 the guys! the guys! the guys!
 what if
 i walked in there, laughed, grabbed a seat
 sat down, watched the ruining
 of one dozen missing by another?
 would they see me?
 would they care?
 would they see me?
 would they
 even still be there?

 how open
 these valleys of crimson have become
 since the fainting of leaves
 brought razored rains

de milo
 excuse me,
 but are you
 the beauty skindeep only stayed
 or are you
 the beauty marinated in time enough to sink/
 picasso's complexities broken of leash
 a crystalized augmentation of venus with arms outstretched?

 si-lent, un-slum-ber-ed roots scar-red white
 through two win-ters of ar-awn's mal-in-tent--
 slow-ly, roads form up the gen-tle ba-ck,
 show-ing life re-turn-ed as fear sets low,
 to make way for leaves fall-ing and the sun's
 ag-ing-- the two that bring clo-sure with-out
 the need of fan-cy e-pox-ies or tears:
 the crust-ed, one-time-use so-lu-tions that
 leave the veins close-d off, yet pump-ing still
 the cries of re-tri-bu-tion o-ver-done.
 --the col-or of your flow-ers un-chang-ed,
 --i wat-er them dai-ly, hop-ing you to
 --re-turn and help with life left un-liv-ed
 --since the for-est fell and the ants mar-ched.

lonely breathing
 you walked along these halls,
 a night in mind;
 you knocked down these photographs,
 hoping to replace every one with
 yours and
 with mine;
 you left the windows open,
 spilling the forgotten dreams
 you shed like leaves
 all along
 this over-lackered hallway--
 only after
 i realized
 i never saw your lips fain happiness--
 and now is too late--
 the clock's hands
 cover our only window;
 perhaps you could
 the words you know
 belong to me;
 perhaps you could
 to break this silence
 can you
 hold that knife closer,
 through our hands/into
 our chests and fix our falling
 so a second passes
 and daylight can be seen
 while i am rooted
 and you are the breeze
 making love to me.

 slightly worn but shining,
 this angel falls her strains mirrored
 by sun, by stars shooting,
 leaving them to
 nip at the back of
 my mind with her souls staring
 into my dreams/my nights/
 she becomes my muse.
 closing her eyes but still wandering,
 she tapes my lungs shut and smiles--
 she should be
 all that brings me life--
 making air her enemy.
 slightly torn by standing,
 her neck tenses,
 as my lips play
 along with her fantasies.

chipped record
 you're the drawer i keep all my lost secrets in,
 tucked away from the hazard of daylight--
 left leaving a silent request
 to OPEN and HELP
 but you're the only one listening--
 you're the only one i can tell
 my screams to.
 i'm sorry if i've upset you,
 if i've said something
 that brought you
 to your knees--
 eye level with pain;
 eye level with me.
 how cold
 how cold
 how cold the white grass becomes
 without you to smile,
 without you to say
 all the words
 that change the seasons--
 without you to smile
 and melt the leaves
 to be our throne
 for nature's fantasies.

chain lover
 i can give you the moon
 if you take these stars
 out of my eyes
 and place them in your heart.
 i can give you anything and everything, amen,
 if you take this smile
 out of my mind
 and place it on my frown.
 i can give you the world
 if you take a second
 to acknowledge me
 and show me you
 are mine.
 i'm that
 staggering puppy
 looking so..
 i'm that
 staggering puppy
 everyone looks to
 and asks
 "whose dog?"
 without caring
 to take the chain.

 silent rock left skipping
 over another wave breaking fine
 breaking small
 breaking quickly
 to get back in the lake.
 silent boy left standing
 along the bank with throat in hand,
 trying to grab a breath
 before she takes it all.
 silent star left swimming
 in the water of the mind,
 hoping he sees her
 hoping he knows how to join her.
 silent silence sounding the end
 to another summer wasted
 another summer becomes a step
 to another hello given in.

older brother
 spiked hair, dragging fender
 heart's out, start the blender
 hold the railing, grab the chain
 one more word to scream
 answer to your question:
 i'm tired of smiling
 so now you're going to know
 Aggression's older brother Pain.

excuse me
 excuse me
 while i fall,
 miss your hand
 and break my silence
 without a word.
 excuse me,
 but are you
 the beauty skindeep only stayed
 or are you
 the beauty marinated in time enough to sink?
 will you stay planted here and let me take you home
 or will you walk in mid-word?

just to see you
 i spread my eyes just wide enough
 to see you there
 there infront of me--
 a winged spectacle.
 i wish the crowds would close in
 so our hands could meet,
 hug, hold,
 and smile.
 i wish the night would come faster
 so you wouldn't have to look out
 and see me standing--
 so you could use your imagination
 and let me know if i'm anything close.

 sifting through these images
 dotted with color,
 i can see her face
 outlined in thin black,
 tilting her head back,
 grabbing her stomach,
 laughing out loud
 to the point of exhaustion,
 reminding me why
 every day is worth waking
 reminding me why
 seeing is believing.

 rolled between your fingers,
 the subtle crimples hurting
 but not enough to shine,
 i see your smile turning
 as my back becomes my side
 becomes my face becomes my side becomes my back.
 held in to your palm,
 the subtle wrinkles showing
 but not enough to hurt,
 i see your eyes walking
 from time to now to him,
 from time to me to now.
 dropped into your lips,
 you move your fingers
 to your hair;
 then falling,
 you laugh--
 i wait
 for tomorrow's cousin
 to unpack a dampened celebration
 gone on too long to not stop the breath.
 smoothened by your grasps of rube,
 the comfort slightly twitched
 to build immunity,
 i close my eyes beyond you,
 reaching for the inevitable
 to help the rush of its mark.
 how old is she
 when our familiars become moments lost returned,
 left staggering down a well-paved highway
 hitching their way home until walking
 became faster?
 how old is she
 when our words finally fall
 between the cracks of well-lackered floorboards
 holding us above the dirt,
 holding us above the sunsets,
 holding us to our sides:
 well-worn but since dusted over?

when twopence becomes a pound
 i am that unnamed building
 we stroll by but never really see--
 the stained bricks laid a thousand years ago
 and left without a way of crumbling back home.
 i am that unnamed building
 standing in the storm
 but waving to the nearest god
 to strike me down.
 i am that unnamed building
 hidden infront of the others--
 frequented but never entered,
 known but never known.
 i am that unnamed building
 that has become inevitability's model
 of every imperfection
 and every subtley
 falling but not yet fallen--
 for who could tear what is not even sewn?

 the world has turned
 from left to right,
 just enough to let me know
 that i'll be alone tonight.
 spiked hair and velvet robes,
 just the smile i was looking for
 before you cried
 and showed me how
 beauty breaking
 is the end of our existance.

i scroll
 i scroll through these pages
 ripping at those poor holes holed
 to hold you in--
 maybe on top of those clouds
 i could see what you've seen
 without natural things
 like lust or time
 to block the way--
 maybe atop those clouds
 i could see what you have seen:
 their eyes lighted
 with morning smile,
 cruel good byes
 left alone on crimpled notes
 still waiting to be read,
 slow suns embarking
 on another quest to race
 for the title of Dawn,
 sweat of quill coming clean
 and infecting dated pages
 too far behind to even care,
 inaudible change of voice
 suggesting the day is done,
 blackened eyes removing light
 until all color melts to one,
 pounding of a chest
 without a pulse to cry--
 can i see all of this
 and be yours without question?--
 can you live my life
 and see that grandfather
 has done the same to me?--
 can you leave open the door
 or put the key under stone
 and let me know with either?--
 can you drown that laughter
 with the screams and drops
 that only show before a dream?
 can you hold this hand--
 this hand that belongs to you anyway--
 can you hold this hand
 and then try to say
 our hearts don't know
 what is right and what is impossible?

constant interruptions
 i took all i could,
 and walked away--
 with your heart in hand,
 i tripped and let it fall;
 with your eyes in mine,
 i tripped and let it fall.
 you told me the world would stop revolving
 if i stepped one farther,
 but apparently your laws don't apply--
 or maybe it was your world,
 the one i once awoke to,
 the one you once let me see.
 now all these happy couples
 sicken you--
 the type that stand in line,
 praising that moment--
 the same moment you once counted on
 to tell you that everything's fine
 and time's not going to interrupt.

all that's still to hold
 we sat beneath the moon
 in case the sky could fall
 and break the dreams left telling us about
 those sundays skipped
 to focus on the teachings of
 cupid and his arrows--
 those arrows still tucked away,
 left screeching when we run
 for the wind knows when blades are sharp--
 able to prick the skin
 just enough to let our fingers spread the rest
 and show the world our hearts are crying--
 how far away the eyes seem
 when trying to heal a wound
 so below, so hidden, so broken with the beating--
 forgotten until we're falling
 and remembered when
 our hands are all that's still to hold.

sacred and belying
 see those little rivers
 puddled around the rings in my eyes?
 see those little scars
 engraved in the tissue of my lungs?
 see those bajed people
 standing outside the one-way door?
 see those little things
 forgotten to become the bigger be?

 you said the world could stop spinning
 once the chair was bolted,
 hands were fastened,
 lights were dimmed
 and thoughts were loosened--
 once fingers stopped slipping,
 brow's creases were forgotten,
 knees became part
 of that ground thing,
 eyes let lips relax,
 and the mind played the meter of your heart
 for all breath to imitate.
 you said the sky could stand still
 if the clouds were rung out on cheeks left cracked,
 the tips in the distance formed your eyes
 welcoming me home,
 the plastic aftertaste of all those frogs went away
 to be replaced with the quiver of your smile,
 and if a heart attack actually hurt.
 you said i could take your hand
 if my cries grew louder
 for you to hold on,
 if my twitch stopped shaking you awake,
 if the door was closed
 so they couldn't see inside,
 if the mirror showed a man and not a boy/
 fear and not pride,
 if the only interruption was to pause for a while--
 that little time between dreams--,
 or, you said,
 i could take your hand
 if only i asked.

my own seasons
 never fails--
 i always end up moving
 from this way to the next
 not 1 at a time, but with 3 in the hand
 each step staying with me
 until my mind can catch up
 and open my mouth to shout
 stop stop stop this fucking train
 let me hop tracks and head backward
 let me see the ruins left ruining
 everything i ever saw as brilliant
 left showing me
 everything i never saw quite so dented--
 you call this truth?
 i call it an alibi
 no reason, just a rhyme
 it's that simple
 i won't stand until i can find
 every misshapen letter crossed--
 let me go back and dot your my's
 show the world how the flower looks from your eyes
 show the world how the scenes look behind the curtain
 up now for everyone to see.
 can you see that, world, or are you still staring at your bastard son--
 that fucking dented little orphan
 still not holding half the shit you throw at it
 because you've thrown so much
 you don't even know which side has the smile;
 is it the one in the light or is that an ass--
 the object of your affection,
 the ruler of this cruel, cruel planet
 filled with morons, a people
 whose only objective is self-denial--
 the judge of a reject's trial--
 got a minute?
 i have one;
 enough time to write this line
 let you know everything i feel
 now that you've thrown your back to me
 and i've crossed the street against your hand
 left blinking before me
 and i'll still walk in reverse
 just to be able to smile at all the simple mistakes
 unfixed with the greatest of ease.

where is the sky?
 we had five and we took six
 woke to the ceiling
 left the sick
 children dancing around us
 could you blame them for laughing?
 could you blame them for showing us War's on vacation
 and Time's still hailing a taxi home?
 what is it with these postcards--
 the ones that say "wish you were here"?
 is there one that says "stay where you are--
 i don't need your bullshit,
 i don't need your sympathy"?
 is there one that says
 "i'm happy here
 without you"?
 where is the sky
 when you're inside all the while,
 holding them just to see if life's still worth living
 without those god damn tears ready to reflect
 every mistake we made for one stupid cause after another--
 one forgotten reason we only hear about
 after the crimson's crusted and a thousand hearts are broken?

work ahead
 how can you know silence
 with all those shards at your side
 waiting for those yesterdays of longing to pass,
 waiting for an open-armed journey home
 always found next to an orange sign singing
 "work ahead"
 "work ahead"
 --"work ahead"!?
 how can you see through the silence
 to know they're still crying your name?
 written on a window bubbled over in the cold
 the tale of a fight for fighting
 to keep you happy
 to keep you laughing--
 "work ahead"
 "work ahead"
 --"work ahead"!
 how can you know silence
 with all those shards left cracking?
 how can you see through the silence
 to know they're not giving up--
 didn't you?
 didn't you?
 what if the sky melted
 would you know the difference
 or would you snickersneer
 at the breaking of yet another poor soul
 weighted down by the sight of that god damn sign--
 "work ahead"
 "work ahead"
 --"work ahead"!?

if not here were we
 we're all alone
 in this flame-filled world.
 is there anything beyond
 these eyes infront of me?
 is there anything inside
 this body of mine?
 why do i feel so hollow
 when this wind says hello?
 and can i see this emptiness
 you speak of
 or is it filled with so many
 ponderers left wondering--
 wondering what else would there be
 if not here were we?

say goodbye
 how old do you get
 while sitting there on your ass,
 letting me smile
 with someone else?
 does it hurt to know i'm going home
 or do you still not care
 about this life or the next?
 before these days are gone
 you'll wish i hadn't left--
 i'll see you cry and pour these veins
 onto your own.
 you will see what pain can feel
 when you're burning with the trash
 leftover from a night's trip--
 leftover from god's forgotten stash.
 can you still see those rays
 breaking your bedroom mirror
 or did you turn your back
 on another once-held friend
 whose only patience was killed with hate
 --the hate you spared no man
 and the hate kept for yourself?
 can you still see those scars
 i only unstitched for you?
 can you still see the pain
 my father handed down on me
 only to be picked up by you
 and thrown into the tides--
 lost like our victories
 over night and over day?
 can you still see my hands
 trembling with your breath
 in a darkness lacking embarassment
 or are the lights still on,
 letting you control your fears;
 the fear of letting go,
 the fear of ever having been?
 how are those old pots faring
 without our hands to shape them--
 how are those old tears falling
 without my lips to take them?
 you can't say i gave up
 when all i did was hold on--
 held on to lost and forgotten,
 feeding them since infancy.
 you can't say i let you down
 when i broke my back bending over
 just to keep you near me,
 just to keep our sand from moving.

 you're the reason
  you're the reason
 the reason i smile
 you're the reason
  you're the reason
 the reason the clouds give way
 and leave us here
 to rebuild those roots
 we dug up and ate so long ago.

when can we
 when can we park the car
 so i can open my eyes
 smile and wish that world goodbye
 the one with the passion
 the one with the crime
 the one with everything left waving
 "see ya, sucker, your holiday's over in a week"?
 when can we start to see
 the world revolving/
 rolling over me
 or is this it and we're stuck in neutral,
 not quite parked but not quite moving--
 maybe that's where we belong
 balanced between the end and the beginning
 until that hill comes and we're forced back down,
 down and back to the start again.
 when can we get out?

one day
 you gave us a day
 i gave us tomorrow
 we never said when this one would end
 so why can't we keep living
 as though there isn't an..
 can you see us from afar:
 one day
 we're growing old,
 our minds just catching up
 to what our bodies knew all along?
 can you see us right now:
 we're going faster,
 our minds slowly seeing
 what our bodies knew all along?
 can you see my hand
 branching into yours
 with only our reality to stop us--
 but who needs that when
 we have this entire world
 under our control,
 the beach our backyard,
 the sky our playground,
 the driveway my way
 of coming back to you--
 everytime i smile
 you know why and i
 can't stop thinking for how long
 will you keep me around?
 can't you
 see this day
 as being the time it takes to witness
 our wrinkles fitting,
 letting our minds catch up
 to what our bodies knew all along.

 can you forget
  to breathe
  turn up
  the peak of
  your heartbeat
  and let us sleep.
 can you
  still see me
  through your closed
  eyes wandering?
 and can you
  see all those
  past tears
  still belonging to you,
  an unwrapped gift from yesterday?
 is this
  still an
  of renewing old vows
  or is this
  another sweet goodbye
  signed "your friend"
  with an "ill farewell"
  printed on the inside?

nights one
 if only these nights could become one
 i could look out this window and see the streetlamp
 pray that it keeps us up one more minute
 one more flicker from that shivering blind
 and i can see your world without leaving this one.
 if only these nights could become one
 i wouldn't fear the next--
 when will be our last goodbye, hello, i love you, see you.. soon?
 if only these nights could become one
 i could wake to a dream caught fleeting, build it back up
 and release it to the wild
 if only these nights could become one
 you wouldn't have to see us fall
 i could catch you in this pillow
 and raise you above the stars--
 to an infinity not yet reached, but
 we're getting there.
 if only these nights could become one
 i would know that outside voice
 is your breathing within my chest--
 push me off and i crawl back laughing,
 you're in it for now and ever
 or so i wish we could be.
 if only these nights could become one
 i could look over and steal your smile,
 placing this new gift next to you
 for one more time more.
 if only these nights could become one
 i'd gather dust from the stars and tackle the rivers
 to create our own paradise without yesterday
 or tomorrow
 shaking loose these newly-formed ancients-- our hands.
 if only
 i could see you here..
 maybe our nights
 will cross and become
 more than just another
 more than just an escape--
 more like a discovery of
 two making and one remaining.

green day
 i stood there staring
 listening to you whine
 and wander-- in control
 of your own destiny
 the slams from your dances
 bolting me to this stage
 fixing me to these words
 so the next time
 and the time after that
 i'll be the one smiling,
 living to the beat.

it's tuesday
 fingers -- dancing on
 shivering -- lines,
 smoke tunneling from
 the end to just ready to breathe again,
 frosted - - candles spiraling through
 perfectly - scrateched hair.

 between these bleeding lines
 i spare a few words
 for all those brokenhearteds you've charmed
 and left dangling from delayed promises
 unkept since the first--
 the only memories?
 your bed/her laughter
 thrown from pillow to the ceiling,
 left broken
 until you found time--
 time to dwell--
 now that she's in the top drawer,
 still waiting for those
 god damn promises.
 following like the right eye
 after another shower,
 the others come back,
 brought on by bum's knees
 never having had to kiss that dirty gravel
 still reddened by all those blurs
 left enchanted,
 paying full price
 for another bogus sideshow
 with too many cities seen--
 not forgotten,
 merely misplaced.

 hold me
 and wait for the rain to come
 so your eyes can drown out the voices
 and your fingers
 can push in our quiet chorus of
 tomorrow's promises left to keep.

 TAKE all your fucking sorrow
 and throw it to the dogs
 I'M not the fucking victim here
 it's your ungrateful heart
 BREAK your own traditions
 and be nice if for a change
 either way
 i'm STILL a fucking rat
 and you're STILL the fucking cage

 night falls and you howl
 about that time or are you just
 sick of the world
 sick of me
 sick of those people looking
 sick of that
 sick of those dogs
 sick of the tree
 blocking everything
 sick of that lady
 her kids
 those shows
 sick of that
 sick of her hair
 sick of my tongue
 sick of his smirk
 sick of your silence
 sick of
 that twitch
 sick of everything
 sick of nothing
 sick of anything
 sick of it all
 sick of that
 FEEL like you're just going to the top
 and floating down,
 without a care without a worry without a grin
 without me without you without the world behind
 you snap.
 close your eyes

six figure sum
 droplets marching
 over, sliding
 like ants on parade.

to naj (for eric)
 waking up
 is the hardest thing one can do
 next to falling asleep;
 who wants to get out from those sheets
 or see the sun's
 grotesque radiance?
 but it is through that rousing
 that one finds life:
 lived, livened, clear.
 from those subtle drapes of comfort,
 one must throw on a smile
 and accept the day's advances.
 our time on this earth
 is nothing more than
 a sunset,
 drowning into darkness
 but found renewed in hours
 and the stroke of the rooster.
 to naj i say
 "wake. live. you are home now
 with the picket fences,
 blushed faces,
 surrounded by

one line
 the ends fight for supremecy--
 a line of history,
 enfolding and creasing;
 coming together.

 i tie this knot
 with blunt intricasies;
 rip these threads
 and braid these strings.
 i let the aglets fall,
 looping the bunny;
 turn these two
 and dodge the permanent.

can you tell me the time
 can you tell me the time
 or will i have to look away from your eyes
 can you help me find my place
 or will i have to let go of your hand
 can you live with me
 or will i have to dream myself to sleep

 for this time i sit
 we could have spent
 an eternity smiling as
 one wave crashes,
 leaving on shore
 those little trinkets--
 formed by constant pressure
 passed over through the currents.
 for this smile i form
 we could have seen
 those lights you dreamed of
 atop the eiffel, on the strip,
 those lights you promised yourself
 you'd never let blind us.
 for this goodbye i write
 you could have told me
 to come back to sleep--
 but dreams don't matter now,
 you've taken them with you.

gasping for the sake of breathing
 i sit here with elbows bent,
 hands the only guideance as to where my head should be.
 i sit here as the scabs pull,
 wanting to be released
 without want of saying goodbye-
 just like those nights.
 if the land were soft
 i wouldn't be bruised so much,
 but i'm stuck here with bloody palms--
 the only protection from failing.
 this table seems colder now,
 as though it never had life,
 just wasted its time with nursery rhymes--
 the type that teach a lesson
 only if spelled out.
 can this be all or am i blinded by
 those hilltop dreams flushed away
 when death came calling
 and you left me here.
 can this moment
 be any heavier
 or am i just gasping for the sake of breathing?
 will these scars on my knees still swim in crimson-thick melodies
 or will you reach back here for me
 and tell me everything's okay

this skin
 these eyes have dried
 and here i lie
 surrounded by those times
 we forged our names
 and got by with murder--
 of our hearts.
 with these veins i do bleed,
 unbeknownst to you
 and uncared for by me.
 left raked and tackled
 they pump harder,
 waiting to be released
 but kept entwined with
 those FUCKING muscles
 too strong to let go,
 too weak to say
 everything i wish i could
 just to release
 this TENSION within
 breaking through
 THIS skin.

drowned scars
 between skies of splattered silver
 lies a man entangled, enraged, encompassed by
 truths sacrificed for the good of mankind
 or whoever was around to witness.
 along streams ruled by yellow guardians
 he cries, crouches, stands tall and falls
 into forgotten jokes crafted
 and situations dissolved.
 within the palm of poverty
 he sits, impatient,
 waiting for that gift to come
 and relinquish everything
 he has already lost.
 outside of providence
 he waits reluctantly, closed,
 shut off from hands waving
 and takes with him
 those feelings brandished
 only to be branded on
 his hide.

 ripped to the bone
 i'm left standing
 between you and a brick wall
 after falling i see
 everything clearly--
 turn around,
 i'll be there at your side
 ready for anything
 and hoping something happens.

 in this autumn solstice
 i stumble back home and realize
 all the troubles i've come to
 throw upon
 the shoulders of everyone i meet.
 in this silent mourning i will tell you
 all those appologies
 meant everything to me--
 forgive me for my indescresion;
 i'll be quiet next time.
 forgive me for my impatience
 i'll remove the line next time.
 forgive me for my
 that's my fault
 not yours.

 if this carousel
 would stop and let me off
 i'd jump the train and stumble back
 walk in reverse
 pray everything could be forgotten
 without this crimson smile left showing.
 if only this contract would expire
 and i could run away
 without this pestilence left remembered
 and without this crimson smile.

the fool
 sparked debate entangling
 questions of who's faithful
 or even who has someone
 to be faithful to.
 leading to the inevitable,
 i step to the line:
 "i like someone..
 but i can't tell you who."
 in the usual drunkard stumble,
 my knees buckle fast
 and there i lay
 pondering the rejections of the past.
 when questioned
 i bend twofold and grin,
 spelling out a name familiar
 without an ounce of shame.
 when all is said
 and my mind is done
 i realize the certain path
 and begin my folly home
 only to be remembered
 three nights hence
 and laughed at
 for nothing more than
 a half-complete sentence
 and a smile turned.

 wrapped within an ornament
 left floating next to
 those balanced ideals
 taped together through irony.
 asserted beauty
 proven with the first word,
 worshiped with the last.
 basking in the bowing rain,
 the revelers stay to partake
 in the life of an icon
 seducing the world
 without holding her own hand.

disillusioned estimates of sacrificed moments
 those scars bruised over
 relived in my dreams
 of what you and i
 might have been.
 those stitches you placed
 upon my crown
 to rip away my royalty
 still tear away when i'm down.
 can we scream
 or are our lips still bound
 by those thorns you wear?
 can i scream
 at your LACK of care
 or am i still silenced
 by those tears my days share--
 risking a drowned out melody,
 i'll tell you everything in one phrase--
 one phrase, one grasp
 of your hand
 and i'll tell you about those smiles
 you always see
 from me.
 i'm chris
 and you are
 the most
 beautiful of god's great arts
 and i want nothing more
 than to tell you
 all of those
 mysteries the world throws on us
 and pray we figure them out

nc 33 east
 let us travel those back roads,
 like Hideaway Lane and River Branch,
 where the names become people,
 landmarks remembered
 through family outings.
 let us see what it's like
 to take that gravel path
 beneath the overpass--
 where even the largest store says hello;
 where even we can find a smile
 without looking to the stars;
 where the flea market
 resembles a church overcrowded
 and even the rebels revel in
 the calm of harmony.
 let us find ourselves in
 those deadends left winding
 down the sides of a pond
 where all those traditions meet,
 say farewell,
 and wait until tomorrow--
 when the child's child
 can pass on the secrets of clarity
 lost through
 losing ourselves.

wandering sorceress
 she slivers through
 the lives of unenchantment,
 leaving behind
 thoughts left passed by.
 her eyes crystal--
 clear with scorched reflections--
 let in low calls of moonlight pain.
 can they sit there enchanted,
 mesmorized, ready to run her off
 or can they ask and
 follow with the hand of happiness?

that type of song
 i want that type of girl
 who can make my days golden
 with just a smile in the morning
 and a hug at night.
 i want that type of girl
 who can stay with me for a weekend
 and make me forget there's a tomorrow.
 i want that type of girl
 who can take my hand and lead us home
 without me thinking
 why here why here again.
 i want that type of girl
 that can keep talking
 even when the lights are out
 and our dreams are coming true.
 i want that type of girl
 that lasts like a song--
 always on but never fading,
 never giving in to us
 and always telling me how she feels.

 you are
 subtle imperfections perfected through
 use of humor, laughter,
 smiles and crowns.
 you are
 forever and ever an eternal bust of
 anarchic beauty, symmetry
 in a broken mold.

say anything
 say anything
 and i'll see
 this oneway street
 isn't just for me.
 say anything
 and i'll falter,
 realize you're human
 and try to show you
 all the thoughts left hidden
 left dusted over with solidarity.
 you can touch me,
 i won't bite you,
 you're too perfect to test
 so why bother/why even try.
 i doubt you would bend/change
 for a second's thoughts
 so why should i worry
 that you'll move again.

solo in the background
 solo in the background
 as we smile
 and i'm left
 wondering why the world
 why the world can continue
 when everyone else has to
 stop and stare at you--
 that beauty never toppled an empire
 isn't exactly true..
 i use to think you could never reach for me too
 but here you are
 telling me the same i shout
 at night to your reflection in the clouds
 can i
 tell you how many days it's been
 since i cried
 can i
 tell you how many times you've blinded me to see again
 just what life is
 what life should be when you're here
 here where you can glance at me
 and make my words spill forth
 if not at you then at myself
 eventually find their way back home with you.

dampened stares
 i try to look beyond that image
  i forecast of you being
 everything imperfect perfected through
 mingled presence dried to silence
 perhaps i should say hi
  or let you pass me
  to continue your enjoyment
 perhaps i should stop tracing
  that flash of a smile
  back to whatever it is
  i don't know i've done
  for the 4th time tonight
 i appologize
  for interfering in your happiness
  with my insecurities
  revolved, head-over, and growing
 don't blame them
  it's my fault for
  everything i don't know i've done
  for the 4th time more
 can i stare at you from the corner of my eyes
  or am i obvious again
  and overstepping the line
  -- i think it's there,
  maybe closer
  and i've already crossed it
  on my way to certain
  here with you
  and the others.
 i'm sorry for
  not responding to your farewell--
  i've been gone since hello,
  just hoping you've felt the same
  knowing you never could.

dulled thoughts
 have i found the one
 or is this just another
  idea left weighted with
 can the moon stand still--
 can the stars stop moving--
 can i take this in
 before she leaves and i'm
  walking out the door--
 my foot keeps lagging
  maybe this is a sign
 or maybe i'm still sleeping--
  i'm already hurting
  -- what's that in my side?
 is this fate or longing or
  is this even real?

belong to the stars
 i lay beside you,
 wishing our silence would break
 so michaelangelo can leave
 and romeo can step in
 but i stay unmoving,
 watching you discuss
 other things--
 my pulse echoing your voice,
 my smile
 my smile
 waking to the
 rising, resting, rising
 your torso follows.

 Broken wings scaling my mind
 I can't think--
 You've upset me again.
 Wake up, wake up,
 Put on everything you need to
 To look at yourself in my reflection.
 Trying to take hold,
 My fingers slip
 And you go.
 Seats back, legs up,
 You became what I let go.
 Trying to track time,
 I can't feel
 I never felt before.
 Trying to hold in,
 I can't take it anymore--
 You've upset me again.
 Wake up, wake up,
 Put on everything you need to
 To look at yourself in my reflection.

 i can't
 hold on to
 my thoughts of us
 after all that's happened
 maybe leaving is the best idea
 maybe i should try harder
 doesn't matter, you're still not mine
 i can't
 keep doing this
 to myself
 you're not worth it
 i've come to realize
 maybe leaving is the best idea
 same shit
 i just need a different taste
 to wake up my senses
 to know that i'm still here
 doesn't matter, you're still not mine
 and i can
 stop myself from falling
 by picking up a goodbye
 and throwing it your way

 you can't say
 you never tried
 when i pushed harder
 you can't say
 i'm not here i'm beside you
 with all the world to be our witness--
 witness the new day
 i promise to be here when the bags are packed
 and you're ready to fall.
 written off
 i can say we're helpless
 so long as you know i'm here i'm beside you
 i'm the one with my hands out for the nth time

 dusted and tathered
 here i lay
 next to the ledge, unwilling to move
 i can't
 say i can stand
 myself as i stand,
 so why should i bother
 the life i live is left unlivened,
 broken and remote.
 this air tastes stale,
 unfinished and bland--
 the same type of truth only found in
 stares until the world cracks,
 eyes close,
 and tears hang
 just to know i'm capable of more.

 staring at                  shadows
 reflecting                  digressing
 fluid                          running
 breaking        and      going under

Famous Forgotten
 Hi, Dad.
 -- Who is this?
 Your son.
 -- Who?
 Your son. Your only son.
 Your only reason for being;
 your only legacy;
 Your only gift.
 Your loudest mistake;
 your forged misery;
 your eternal fault.
 Your hardened criminal;
 your cowaring child;
 your litter left.
 It's me.
 The one you gave up;
 the one you scarred;
 the one you
 never talked to.
 It's me, Dad,
 your famous forgotten.
 -- Oh. Hi.

longer than the madness lasts
 born in
 grasp of eden-esque, sculptured
 presence cooled by smile and time--
 time hinting at engravings chipped away
 for change of heart--
 sweated mirror.

 ray-draped petals,
 nestled in the
 outcasts of envied imperfection,
 bend on
 brick-laiden tower
 seen reflecting the august smile of
 whose own breath is
 wavered lightly with
 angel-winged balm of breeze..
 so remain the tips of charity:
 gravity-forced to remain earthbound.

Pep, see?
 pulled back           the tab,
 letting escape         a gasp of
 metallic                  freshness.
 As                         always,
 a bit                       laid itself upon the
 lower part of her    thumb,
 onto her                 silk skin.
 I reached               for her,
 taking her              hand
 within                    my grasp and
 brought it      to     my lips.

she ran
 she ran
 i chased
 i fell
 she laughed
 the one that
 got away--
 never meant to be
 anything more.
 the one that
 kept standing--
 i gave up,
 she left anyway.
 no win,
 no lose,
 i'll always be
 the one that wishes for
 shoulders left dry,
 arms uncurled,
 eyes thirsty,
 her, that special girl,
 the one that got away

 you can't
 forget the times
 we had aboard the s.s. sadness--
 the staying in my room
 for the 40th day straight
 straight to hell i'll go
 without my soul--
 you can keep that
 as a souvenier of
 the tsunami i spilled for you
 drowned in a shower,
 head tilted,
 you can't
 forget your name
 when i'm
 screaming it
 screaming it
 screaming it at the mirror
 wishing you would be there
 so the glass in my hand
 would mean something more than
 time to soak it up
 time to change the channel,
 reruns of old moments
 caught in the eyes of
 all those memories--
 your arm over mine,
 smiles cast on screen,
 lips licked clean
 for what comes next
 i'm here now,
 dried and sober
 tracing the dips in
 my own body--
 reminders of
 our yesterdays left sitting out to stale.

 i sit along the bleached thoughts of
 everyday words left strung along the pavement
 let boiled over with our feet
 tramping down on the way to class--
 class i've missed the past few holidays
 i'm left lonely on another birth day
 blowing out wishes i'd rather not keep
 for fear you might find out
 and let me fall along
 just like
 every other poor fool looking on
 smiling at the way you brush your hair,
 paint your nails,
 hold your head.
 i want so much more
 than to squint/stare across to you
 dreaming of what might be if i could only
 stay awake long enough to ask
 what it would be like
 to hold you longer than to say hello,
 good game,
 good night.
 if you will,
 staring up at the clouds,
 back on the monkey bars,
 closing your eyes
 just long enough to capture
 every intricacy of a hand you hold--
 a hand unknowing of
 every cloud reminding you
 that she's there,
 there to tell you
 eden was never left just waiting,
 waiting to come back when you find your
 rib again.

is it
 is it
 sad that i miss you
 everytime the petals fly
 and the trees fall.
 is it
 sad that i wish to be
 the pants you slip into,
 the shirt you put on,
 the smile you show
 only when you know
 i'm not around.
 is it
 pathetic to think
 when my eyes wander
 they're looking for you.
 is it
 pitiful to know
 when i lay down
 i want you to be
 the sheets 'round me,
 the pillow i grasp,
 the wind that comforts me.

 One of those up... down, methodic,
 constant, firm, letting the waist
 hang easily, while still keeping it up.
 strong, firm, relaxed fit.
 open-toe but graceful.
 no hesitation.
 shoulders back, yet comfortable.
 fingers through hair
 or massaging shoulder.
 arms swinging slowly
 loose in attitude, firm in mind.

pen in hand
 Look out upon the pen in hand
 pressing softly, methodically,
 sometimes even
 onto thin--
 always to the right
 or some other far off idea--
 only when that sharp thought of
 comes into play--
 some quick,
 some overanxious,
 some stopped,
 some brilliant
 (if actions foresee the aftermath)--
 some believing
 their work done,
 brush it off & leave--
 stay with,
 all words said
 with unsaid
 they sleep.

am i not shakespeare
 take from me
 every sparkle of hope left wilting within waves
 led roaming by the tide across my beached mind.
 how else shall i proclaim
 our yesterday's today never sharpened is..
 for can not the tempted angel
 find flight amongst the willet legs
 or must tapered leaves the only
 of this air's subscribers be,
 as you are no longer winged alongside
 this tempered manequin-- me?

you can everything
 let me wipe away the dust from the aftermath
 let you see everything you wish you were
 but never could be due to
 library overcharges and given insurrections to
 the life left common by infidelities to
 the crown/the crown/the crown let brown
 over ages left rotted/left crimsoned by
 crusted blood let reign upon
 life uncensored unherroled by
 worlds left circling
 our armageddon.

if if only if
 take your last swig
 gargle, spit, repeat
 i'm not waiting
 you're closing
 in on me on me
 rinse your hands in
 in my heart
 rip me out and
 let me cry cry
 cry along with tides
 left forced from sand/
 soul enchanted/
 go and come again--
 i'll take you within my arms
 and repeat.

all my life 2
 i've been handled/dropped/misshipped and avoided
 my thoughts forgotten/unheard/misled and exploited
 every time it happens i'm left on the curb n
 it's worthless to try
 it's worthless to linger/let the shit linger
 let everything hold on without me having a say
 a say? should be my mind, my time, my dime
 spent on
 disconnected calls left ringing/tone dead/off the hook

 you want
 someone to tell you
 all the thoughts you think should be heard
 without need of
 expressing them
 except in dreams left 'long side
 for simpler times.
 for the time till then,
 let your lungs stretch--
 i'll teach you with
 your lips
 to our lives living left.

out on the town*
 "it's sunday night
 nearly monday morning again"
 let's go out for a walk
 follow the dogs
 fall along the side
 and sleep till tomorrow's come and
 our responsabilities are gone

you'll never know
 i wanna see the halo above you
 i wanna see the smile behind you
 so why bother spinning
 when i'll still be here,
 to watch a star black out;
 unbolt your arms from your sides
 and let me cry
 sheltered from
 the elements
 everyone else threw away
 to land before us,
 a testament.

to wave goodbye again
 dropped daisies
 overflowing on the thoughts of her
 can't hold in the smiles thrown away
 time to let go all the droplets you let fall
 trap them in a sack of dreams
 keep them there where they belong
 can't hold back the passers by
 from reuniting on your front porch
 to wave goodbye again.

crying within
 you can tell me what i saw were
 fairy tales
 lost within the mind of a
 child on bent knees
 waiting for his father to return--
 i know the truth
 i know everything you wish i'd forget
 all the lonely nights
 you wish the world would stop
 let you off
 and continue on with you on the side
 watching everyone with everyone
 just to see what's right--
 when you can't
 even stand straight in the stalls
 look around,
 lean forward
 trying to hide what you were never taught
 so who can blame you
 when you're the last one out--
 walking along the curb
 you can cry to yourself
 without the headlights seeing
 and not have to explain
 the hour you can finally dream
 of waking
 without crying

one day-
 one day
 you will be in my arms
 and i will hold you
 closer than the seconds pass
 closer than the seconds pass
 into eyes closed
 wakened for our
 your fingers will flow
 along with drapes from window
 breaking down the barriers
 of sun into the shadows
 where two will come
 and i will hold you
 closer than the seconds pass
 closer than the seconds pass

room for two?
 break open the mold
 let your arms drape out--
 the fingers of a goddess
 meant to play
 the harp in my days to waste time
 between visions of procrastination
 when it comes to holding you
 or letting go.
 is there room
 for me to
 be between you and the rest of the world
 or would you rather i
 take my place somewhere else
 and just look from afar
 at all
 the universe has to offer
 in terms of..
 the forever sparkles
 planted high above eyes
 pouring down into your glass
 for who else could encompass them all
 and leave the table without missing a step toward
 the throne of ages.

 Quite a different view
 from the top of a balcony
 looking down on
 all the rest of you
 clinging to a moment
 come and gone..
 Can you forgive me for not caring
 when all I have is
 her head upon my thighs
 telling the world
 security has been found
 without lock and key?
 Can you forgive me for not caring
 for the ending to a film
 when all I see is
 her hand waking mine
 for one more smile
 I'll never forget
 for as long as I
 can see her face
 her face next to me
 laughing along with you
 while my thoughts are
 On her throne,
 perched atop a stereo,
 waiting for time to pass
 and this dream to end
 with the closing of the song
 and the last pluck of my last smile
 as the butt of a joke between friends
 watching the credits scroll.

 from the end of the road
 i walk with you
 a mile ahead i can see
 our voices colliding
 just to breathe
 you're not all you're cracked up to be
 i've seen every imperfection
 you try to hide
 with that smile i can't help but
 cry too

 break that open and
 let me, let me
 get along with my life
 floating by without a thought
 other than
 stars: high
 and other
 random analogies
 to different facts of lack of time

 why can i sit here
 enthralled by our once was
 and still know you want
 me to be around
 why can i see it
 when you'll be with
 me in your mind
 and still know you don't want
 maybe i'll speak up and take
 that extra chance maybe i'll speak up
 and take that
 extra step closer to not having to
 miss you when i see those strollers
 walking in a straight line
 out of view
 out of unreality
 out of my dreams
 with changed everything
 to meet my
 view of you/me/us
 sitting together
 together here
 still i'll be with someone else
 why is this is a cat and mouse
 with the mouse being
 whoever keeps changing
 forming into the model of
 up until he/she comes by
 and we're chasing again
 without an end in sight
 but maybe
 i'll be alone eventually
 n you'll follow suit
 and we'll be able to be
 whatever it is we'll think of
 when the time comes

 is it worth everything
 if you can throw it all away
 with 1 word said/unheard
 left to die along the ears of everyone
 who can't hear whatever threats you cast
 upon yourself upon them upon the crowd
 the listeners who can't hear what's wrong with them
 why why why
 can't they understand everything you scream
 what if the world
 let our heads stay still
 for a second
 could they hear you then
 or would they keep circling the point of conversation
 you can jump in
 you can jump in
 just let them know you're there
 you're the one
 the author of your own life
 fill in the margins
 let them know you're there
 you're alive
 you're not just forging the trail never taken

melted in the 3rd person
 i can grab onto the sky
 hold on to every day let by
 i can take your arms
 throw them around me and scream
 but it won't matter when
 when you're still crying on the ice
 wishing it would melt and
 let him surface again
 but i'm here but i'm here now
 can you not let me be
 the ice on your window
 or will you let me fade and leave

 how did that feel
 to know her tips were
 lingering on every streak of light
 your scalp/
 let grow
 her smile.

acoustic souls
 where would you be
 without your eyes to see
 everything ahead without
 without without
 without the realism
 your dreams hold on to
 without the smiles you throw together
 at the mirror you wake up and shout at
 yourself you're all alone now
 can you see the marks of yesterday
 beating down on you on you
 you're the one that left can you see
 the shadows under
 around the face of the forgotten
 today's abound with water without ocean
 and they ask you
 can you see the moving picture
 reflecting in your own life?

 you use to have a quote for everything
 well, here's mine:
 goodbye , you're leaving me
 walking backwards along the escilator
 i can hear your heels slipping
 but you're gaining control
 losing ground to our old role
 as couple of the century
 just you and me
 let's see what we can do when we're alone
 maybe life has split-ends, too
 maybe you're as quiet in the crowd as i am
 maybe you're just like me: apart from your own mind
 six feet from the ground
 and growing with every note you leave
 under my door
 with x's and o's who's to know
 what "friends" means when you're still thinking
 everything is backwards and you're the only one i see
 when i close my eyes

just as good
 you're the worst you can be
 that's okay you're just as good as me
 wake up and see the flaws we all have
 or forget them and move on
 it's all about the motive sometimes but not when you're without reason
 when logic has no bearing and you're short on your own lies
 just remember you're not the worst, just the worst you can be
 just remember you're not alone, you're alone with me

lost in a daydream
 lost in a daydream
 you can see me when i wake up
 i can see you now
 let the lights fade out and your face come into
 maybe when they sputter out
 we can make our own elec--
 city of gold, skyline of purple-torn cotton let sit in the pink dye of your glow
 wade in the deepend and i'll fetch you
 let the liquorice spoil so we can come back for more
 hitch-hike the sidewalks home without leaving a stone unturned but upright because
 that's too much effort to check everything

 i'm always the perfect example of a flawed childhood
 days missed swinging/singing in the wind
 all left behind to bring the best out in me
 say the world let go would you follow
 the trail i leave offcourse of reality
 it's funny how everything falls back to this
 you along the sideroads, sprouting wings
 still unable to climb the clouds
 piggybacking the guardrails

all my life
 i've been handled/dropped/misshipped and avoided
 everything happens and i can't stop it
 am i ready to join the lives of those following
 am i ready to join myself on the crest of that hill
 am i ready to smile and forget everything i've seen
 i can't forget i can't forget i can't let go
 it's worthless to try
 it's worthless to linger/let the shit linger
 let everything hold on without you having a say

when my mind is free
 open the door, let out the demons
 i'll be in shortly to make sure you're not alone
 grasp my hand and take to the sky
 we can't hold on forever but who says we can't try
 i'm so tired
 of letting go but why
 can't we keep it up/throw open the windows
 climb down the raindrops
 and land without ever leaving the pillow case

a thousand dreams
 the only signs of life
 a trail of tears
 leading to my eyes,
 whimpered yelling of your name
 i guess you're as real as me
 so i can't wake up and you're by my side
 may i lead a thousand lives
 each one to someone like you
 each one ending without someone like you
 may i live a thousand dreams
 maybe chance will give me a break and let me stay
 let me stay within your grace

avoiding gravity
 falling into you
 wanting to be caught
 placed in your heart
 and left to grow
 let me let me
 let me move through you
 flow through veins through lips
 through skin
 let me wrap you in my arms
 cover you from tomorrow
 so today will last
 and so will we

and back to you
 with these wounds i heal
 you know i'm here
 and i can feel
 and i can feel
 you see me fall
 and i can rise
 and i can rise
 beyond the daylight
 into dawn
 and back to you

waiting for daybreak
 long word without a reason
 head down i can't
 to stare into the sun
 letting the clouds pass by
 blocking MY view
 of the red
 of the red
 of the nothing nevermind go away
 i can't take this anymore
 all the rainy days without end
 without end
 what if time ticked by and i lost sight
 could shadows mean there's light
 could they mark your step down
 into me

beautiful today
 i see sunlight
 peaking into windowed silence
 if for a moment.

prince upon a time
 push open the door
 see life on evergreen blossoms
 dropping hints in the air adorned
 with knee-shaking
 of needles like veins
 leading destiny
 into the grasp of gravity
 and held.

bentover and crying
 why is it worth worrying about
 when all they do is scream
 leave a note and bring it up
 reverse the situation
 while you shiver
 stricken down with fear
 not wanting the truth
 but facing it head on
 only to buckle under the pressure
 and forget everything
 letting it sink in
 after the fact.

his again
 back to the basics
 head poundin mind cravin
 i'm drownin it's okay you're fine n
 i can't stop looking but
 could you drop the act
 sit back n tell me the life story
 i won't react in bad taste but uh
 could you spare a guy a break n
 not sob when you say his name
 call out when you uh
 remember the same shit you said you forgot
 quiver your lip subside the smile and
 show me the reality you try to hide but
 never can because it's still in your
 eyes i can see it wrapping round
 taking you and making you his again

 i'm tired of falling
 catching the sky
 realizing i'm the only one
 and crying by myself.
 just because i'm walking
 doesn't mean she has to run
 open-armed and
 take me.
 just because i'm wanting
 doesn't mean she has to smile
 open arms and
 take me.

Immortal Fools
 With flowers blossom hearts of men
 who fear Nature without reason
 except to escape the Sun
 with skin unblemished or run
 aground alongside the ancients who
 never gave Spring a chance to bloom.

 plucking at the vastness
 my mind escapes me one more time
 so i can't find the reason
 i'm here to say goodbye
 i can't find the reason
 i'm leaving without being here

without reason
 if only the petals knew my name
 i'd be able to ask about the time
 when forever was a routine
 when nights became days not worries
 not shelter not forgotten
 when the world knew
 there was to tell
 when the future was a pest
 and nothing gave in beyond the wind
 when the skies could see
 when the clouds were plain,
 towering over reality
 to let fantasy seep in
 and take hold without a reason.

 winged gladiator
 hovering above the crick-crock world
 tearing apart shell
 letting time stand still
 atleast until breath takes hold

perpetual motion
 i'm sorry
 for everything
 i've said that wasn't worth hearing
 everything i've done
 that wasn't worth feeling
 it's not tomorrow that i'll see it
 but it'll come soon enough
 i'll realize i can't make you move
 just because i'm in motion

 i'll spike your drink and tell you the water's fine
 take a dip and pour more wine
 it's all fun and games-- period.
 that's why you can snap your fingers
 and i come runnin
 but when the pool dries
 you'll be by my side again

sad i cry
 sad i cry
 wishing life could pass on
 let me breathe and sad i cry

the princess and the warrior
 within a sky of crisp, faded green
 i stand
 surrounded by the drops of silence
 rapping at thoughts never leaving
 it stops
 and i can see
 the clerity of dreams adorned
 with light of morning heavens

too late
 you think
 everything's yours nothing's mine
 everything's fine everything's fine
 everything's yours nothing's mine
 you think i can't see
 everything everything around me
 staring back when i look in the mirror
 you're laughing i can't stand it
 so you better get back to cheering
 hands above the head
 n spread 'em
 don't mind me i'm just here for the view
 if you want to know the truth
 aint that fucked up
 i gave up
 put my foot to the floor
 started runnin n didn't look back
 maybe that's the problem
 or maybe you are
 i said nothing
 and all you did was sigh
 move along
 and smile

twisted silence
 tunneled fingerprints
 digging in
 she stands there, shaking,
 wishing it would leave
 stop taking her air
 let her breathe
 and go away
 twisted silence
 why can't she see
 everything's over
 all she needs
 another night with me

when it's over
 never never
 land on me
 hold me down anchor to the floor
 i can't stand to cry anymore
 sprinkle sprinkle
 wake me when it's over

 raydraped petals bent on
 brick-laiden tower
 august in the smile of
 dotted lightly with
 winged balm of air
 gravity-forced to remain earthbound
 despite all.

fade in
 well here i am
 standing between tomorrow and a handful of garbage
 how can it hurt so much
 that my eyes squeal
 pierce the night let me see your face
 one last time i can't fight it
 i still want you
 how can it hurt so much
 that my heart burns
 without you here
 how can it hurt so much
 when you're unaffected?
 am i the only one left
 that bleeds when wounded
 how can it hurt so much
 when the blind can see
 all the years that led to this
 well here i am
 forgotten and abused
 memories fade in i fade out

tomorrow's name
 what if tomorrow had a name
 and you were it
 could i write you ahead of time
 hoping you'd answer, smile,
 and turn around?
 headover, i'm still falling.
 what if gravity didn't claim me
 would you hold out your arms
 and take me?

lost in song
 lost in song
 come along
 hands to the railing
 i'm slipping n failing
 everything i ever tried
 was bogus or mislead
 it shouldn't matter now
 i can kneel on my own
 kiss the pavement
 let the blood fall
 and move on.
 whoever heard
 of drowning in misery
 with an angel as your wings.

if you try
 if you try
 can you see
 all the tears
 leaving my soul
 saying farewell
 till tomorrow

fuck your games
 yeah, fuck you too
 all the games you play
 pretending i'm nothing
 more than another voice
 another line to the shore
 well you can drown
 tired of waving
 tired of pulling
 i'm tired of caring
 while you just sit and smile

dream screaming
 go with me
 hold my hand let time fall
 for our reality
 fight off tomorrow bring sun dawned
 all the flames
 flinching as velvet weigns
 regains its stature if only in tonight
 still there can't give in
 breaking shattering giving way
 torture for torture
 wake from dreams

with a smile
 i can hear the shatter from a thousand miles away
 you go to your knees, stumbled
 telling the wind all your troubles
 hoping they'll come back round to smack me on the hand
 opening the door i can see you never changed
 remained the same till the day we became
 what happened to the everafter
 when you're stubbing your toe on the floorboard
 screaming everything that was never meant to be said
 i listen
 with a smile
 knowing/feeling all the torment inside
 you throw to the ground
 hoping i'll pick it up
 dust it off
 hand it back
 with a smile

 "there is nothing like the elixor of time
 to fuel ashes of the heart"
 staring at a postcard
 you wrote so long ago
 the ink is older than most romances
 so why can't i let go?
 tweaked out,
 i feel gone
 but here i stay
 reading the words
 the brand
 not the poetry
 if space had a name
 it wouldn't be a void
 left stranded
 i couldn't stand to let
 my loss go farther
 then i lost you again
 took my eyes away
 but it doesn't matter
 i'm right back where i belong
 forgive me for straying
 but you deserve it afterall
 i never walked by
 until you forced me to
 alone, shattered
 how can ripe become so sour?
 drawer's open now
 all the memories with it--
 no wounds healed,
 i'm still not with you
 and nothing will ever be as good
 as when i was
 and you could say
 all the cliches so unique to us
 hotel's vacant,
 this took a while to say
 let me in again, let me apologize
 for the length of brevity
 i took to realize you were it
 and i won't find anyone else
 i can't forget
 there is no toll for flying
 i'd rather not take the ground,
 touch the soil
 (where i belong)
 what if it went right
 instead of wrong
 what if we stood still
 just to pass them
 and catch up on
 would you smile if you knew
 how many times
 i smile without you
 because of what you did?

that's life
 water on the lawn
 i can't hold on
 hand in the air i'm tripping on sunday
 green eyes in the rearview maybe i should slow down
 maybe i should slow down
 20 over i'm taking the corners like a nightmare
 running down an empty course
 filled with circumstance
 treachery forgotten and me
 perhaps time can take a day off
 let me see clearly the sun over shoulder
 lost by hour by hour
 i stand on a straight line
 turn and take the long way home
 leaves on the back roads maybe i should slow down
 maybe i should slow down
 hand in the air i can't see ahead
 pretend tomorrow is forever
 and go on thinking it's clear
 when i'm heart-deep and screaming
 i can still breathe
 that's all i have
 that's all i have

 you follow/track me down
 give up/maybe
 let time slip by/drown
 without air i can't see/breathe
 the air around you/falling

let me go
 there is
 you can do about it but
 and live without it
 me not let me know how
 just take out the stake now
 let me fry let me burn
 let the world come calling
 break around my feet and
 for pity of the indie
 let me write everything you say
 twist it and turn my back on
 but no you can't
 take my hand let me fall

life or
 something filling enough the spaces
 i left open the door you walked in
 maybe i should have closed it not let you come
 latched the screen and screamed through
 saw you look at me but nothing
 matters when time stands still
 i can tell you never lost touch with
 reason, clarity, beauty, promise.
 forged diplomacy bringing down the castle
 grab on to the ledge and
 allow your feet to hit the ground
 smile widely
 fall/buckle at the knees they can't see you're
 throw up your arms get use to the view
 take your own
 stand/hold it now they can't see you're

say to say
 i can sit and stare
 into the darkness
 know that you're looking back
 and smile.
 perhaps the greatest thing
 the night ever gave us
 was enough time to think of tomorrow
 without today in the way.
 say to say all i do is watch
 every movement of your hips
 making the sheets
 turn world upside
 breathe three times..
 i can lay back down
 take your hand
 and smile.
 close my eyes
 to see your own
 crisp green with freckled brown
 if only time would stop to
 let us off
 pay toll and--
 walk away.
 forgotten the day but
 i can wake and see
 you're there beside me
 roll over
 and grab my waist
 let my dreams know
 there is nothing worth forever
 spent with you.

damn it feels good
 aint nothin i can't handle
 walk around look at the ground
 smile and realize nothing's changed
 as long as i'm

 you know
 there never was a place
 i could call my own
 then i up and found
 the person who could
 make me whole
 make me want to be
 everything i'm not
 because they say
 it's okay it's okay
 i'm me.
 without a simple phrase
 to try and make sense
 of now
 i'll just tell you
 i feel--
 hogging the sheets
 twist and turn
 take my side
 uncover me
 in my thoughts of
 falling asleep
 to see your smile again
 through half-opened eyes
 held together
 by dreams envious of the day
 and where was i
 before you came by
 why can't i
 remember the moment
 we met
 wasn't it before
 life came by
 and knocked on our door?
 was it when
 you took my hand
 taught me how to see
 that forever
 is just a word
 we look back on
 when we can't see ahead
 beyond the realm
 of happiness
 to comfort
 let blend with you
 and i realize
 i was struck
 by fate's luck
 to be
 woken up
 next to
 so so
 so perfectly perfect

why not
 never before,
 i'm falling to the ground
 dropped to a knee
 ring in hand i can't stand
 shaking, trembling,
 vibrating in my head
 i can't see too straight right now
 but i know i want to
 always see you
 always have you around
 always wake up and smile
 looking at you
 you're so amazing
 if i'm not the one
 i'll try to make up for that
 you couldn't speak
 felt the same as me
 why not why not
 why not
 take this ring
 and place it on your heart
 cap it like a crown
 be my queen i'll be your jester
 doing flips like i did
 when we first met
 head over head over

 take in hand
 crystal of ice grown warmer
 with each finger clasped
 bring together our hands
 always so close
 but never quite there
 what if we forgot tonight now
 and slept during the day
 confuse the world around us
 to stay
 to stay
 to stay out of touch
 then split-hiss back
 before we have to say
 i'm sorry i'm sorry
 drop to one knee
 and cry foul
 what if we forgot tonight
 what if we fell and kept clenching now
 brought life to memories
 we've never known to be dead

 what if the world stopped
 to let me on
 would i forget your face
 or just walk along
 hands to my side
 ears to the wind
 hoping i'd hear your voice again
 what if the world stopped
 to let me on
 would i forget your name
 or just walk along
 hands in the air
 ears hanging low
 hoping you'd never know
 all the ways you tear me apart
 rip open sunshine
 lose the race
 forgot to start
 what if the world stopped
 to let me on
 would i forget our place--
 together forever if only in song.

doesn't matter
 it doesn't
 what you say
 you're everything and everything
 all in one
 just remember that
 and walk along
 take the skies to your heels
 and sing along
 with the song..
 "i'm here,
 i'm here!"
 cuz i'll join in
 and we'll be fine
 i'm here
 even if i don't
 know what to say

 finger to your lips
 pressing to them enough
 for you to taste the sweat
 you pull from me..
 don't say
 let my love
 show from the way
 i hold you
 with my hands on your side
 to keep you here
 in my grasp
 away from the outside
 that only brings us down.

of those days
 it was one
 of those days
 can't stand the windows
 can't leave your photo-perfect gaze
 light's pouring in
 to take the place of a smile
 you once gave
 but heaven took away.
 in memory
 i can see you
 holding the reath beneath your heart,
 the same place i once dwelled
 on silly facts..
 if the world
 stopped spinning, i'd jump off
 hold your hand in mine
 and escape.
 run through the jungle
 swing from my thoughts
 take my vision
 of tomorrow or today,
 i just want to hold you
 without the need of reminiscing
 back to the times
 i could stand yesterday
 and all the sorrow left once i reached your side.
 multi-tasking girl
 i could never see,
 angel and saint
 all in one.
 take my hand we'll go far
 before the alarm catches up
 and i'm left thinking when
 the blankets come
 maybe i'll be with you again.
 forget the past,
 i don't want to cry
 for the thousandth time..
 crawl inside
 take my hand
 if only in my mind
 you'd be there.
 i can't seem to realize
 you're gone
 and i can't try
 not to cry..
 tears over silence
 but my eyes aren't closing
 to hide
 from what will never stop.

one of these days
 one of these days
 one of these days
 i'ma hold you close n whisper into your ear
 everything's okay everything's okay
 we're here n you're near-er
 than you've ever been
 gonna smile gonna smile gonna
 hold you close n whisper into your ear
 smile and shout on the inside

 and we say
 everything's going good
 nothing could go wrong
 i can't help but feel
 everything's going wrong
 nothing could be good for long
 i can't help but see
 myself as the anchor
 grounding us to today
 when everything could be so heavenly
 why do i keep seeing myself as the loner
 one wrong angle and you'd leave
 say goodbye for good and i'll be here
 left within myself
 trying to change who i am
 for the next time
 for the next time
 i'm forced to realize
 every mistake i've made
 every mistake i have
 every flaw i never saw before
 then you tell me you
 love me
 and the world swirls down
 into the past
 i'm realizing i'm here with you
 you chose me and we're here now
 for tomorrow is the greatest gift
 when your hand is in mine
 and i know you'll keep the grip
 not let me go
 and we will reach
 everything is.

you're still here
 every time you
 said goodnight
 i saw myself
 sitting beneath
 the tallest tree
 looking up
 to you looking down at me
 smiles contageous
 i wake up
 you're still here
 i can't believe my eyes
 i can't believe my eyes
 you're still here
 above me beyond me
 holding me
 telling me everything i've
 wanted to hear/
 i can't believe my eyes
 i can't believe my eyes
 you're still here
 with me with me

my rapunzel
 i can stare into the wind
 watch the sunset
 come inside
 sit back,
 replay it in my mind
 for another thousandth time
 see her instead
 walking along the horizon
 hands to the clouds
 lips parted to breathe in day
 releasing night
 the stars--
 reflected from her eyes
 standing tall
 yet moving
 with the breeze--

 i want
 to walk along
 behind the masses
 take their pace
 see what it's like
 to be at someone else's rhythm
 know the way they move
 know the speed they see the world
 and go on

today today
 i never thought today would come
 i'd sit here and wish something would beat
 within another day i'll be home
 strapped for time i wish it was now

absurdity arisen
 bitten twice shy i can't stand the heights
 lengthy temptation i'm still shaking why stop now
 ellis is my home now i know for sure
 fuck your begging fuck your prejudice fuck your past
 it's you that's you not them or theirs
 break free, forget the roles you place on yourself
 forage for food just look at your home
 left unguarded what a shame nice to know you feel the same
 stripped down to the basics break free of the hatred
 take a walk enjoy the sun don't think this is what they saw
 how they felt what they knew they're not here to tell you
 if all the world was politically
 would you still be begging to be called something
 you're not?
 i never saw your side so i don't know
 but i know mine so don't pretend you're the only one
 i've never seen finger raised but now it's absurd
 take a walk enjoy the sun don't bring back what was never yours

 sweet and sour break the mold
 maybe taller you can't stop i'll trip over
 back off we'll let loose
 guns on the grounds
 hands in the air
 let the fists go wild break the plastic wrapper
 christmas day you don't give a fuck
 you too just back off i won't pull if you stop
 scream the anthem pretend you were handed another soul

 if ever i saw you
 let your hair down let me see
 smile widening with sunrise
 forget i ever saw you
 i don't want to
 you think what you want i won't stop you
 break my stride i'll walk on
 feet in the air head in the clouds
 nine above and you're still sweating why can't i
 taken another shot to dull a needle
 straight through the heart
 and out the other side
 ribs split waiting for
 smile to put them back in place
 i forgot the words you left on my lips
 still want to say them scream them why can't i
 i want to forgive and forget everything never said
 but i can't why can't i
 words spilled on should-have-beens
 i want to tell you goodbye why can't i
 lost melodies and i'm still grabbing
 for air
 why can't i

inside crystal
 inside crystal
 veins spill on veins
 split by blink with hand to brow
 taken destiny in stride
 now left to piece tide together
 if only if only

within a thousand lights
 within a thousand lights
 i see your face
 plane as day you're sitting there
 smiling at me i can't stop
 staring into your eyes

 take my hand, we'll have a blast
 watching Alf till after dark
 bring the crackers take the chores
 i'll be ready you can tell
 i'm growing up & moving out
 you can't stop me they already tried
 broken silence & you're to blame
 i've got practice so let me play in shame
 score again hope you're home
 stubbed a toe you don't care
 said goodbye now i'm growing up & moving out
 you can't stop me, go ahead & try
 you'll lose like usual
 take my hand, we'll have a blast
 broken fingers clasp your ass
 turn the tables can you hear me scratch
 open the door i'll let you out
 hit the ground just keep spinning
 you'll stop eventually
 broke a nail? aw-- you can have mine
 claw down the back can you hear me scream
 blinded for the time being
 take my hand, we'll have a blast
 i got the toothpaste you take the ash

every day on trial
 perhaps when love is put on trial
 the ordinary will be forgotten--
 thrown out
 for lack of evidence
 and yet
 may be still present
 for the judge ought to be human,
 a wife
 with two point five children,
 a lab
 whose only bite is the emotional kind,
 a picket fence
 painted off-white to go with the times,
 a routine.
 perhaps when love is put on trial
 the ordinary,
 won't be remebered--
 left at home
 where the private lives dwell
 and yet
 may be still present
 for the jury ought to be human,
 a partner
 with a more-than-modest gift
 waiting at home on valentine's,
 a way
 of saying hello
 no one can imitate
 without looking foolish,
 a smile
 only daydreams can bring to life.
 perhaps when love is put on trial
 the case will be dismissed--
 who can put on trial
 something even the impartial
 are partial to?

fragments spoken
 broken concrete lens
 foot falling steps
 hands down twitching stares
 eyes clenched tight spasms
 heart twist closed
 fingers flaking shut
 grabbing rail you drop
 to catch late too late

why you
 why am i frustrated by thoughts of you
 eyes to the floor i can't stand to look
 hands by the side you're always there
 why can't i stand to look into your eyes
 crawling so i won't have to fall
 why can't i stand to look into your eyes

 stand above the ivory pillars
 of what democracy is
 chisel down the mountains
 till you can climb above them now
 step over them now
 taste the sunset
 lick the clouds
 hold in your hand
 the world apart
 let thought mold them together
 into the shape of our sapped heart
 moonlight shine above us now
 maybe i can see
 all that lays behind you
 all that stands before me

yeah ok
 came down during iron monkey
 eyes twitching hands flinching
 eyes forward
 hands on the candy
 mind distant but far
 can see you can see there
 music dropping what's coming
 can't keep up
 i'm funny

let me fall
 my life never
 fit together
 i couldn't see
 everything in front
 everything behind
 peripheral vision
 slowly going the way
 of the buffalo
 upstream without
 open mouth
 i can't breathe
 fought off the panic
 gave in gave in
 beat to my head
 i can't see
 beyond my arms
 so far away
 not there
 taken a journey
 forgot to write
 came back and you
 were gone
 nonexistant becoming extinct
 me myself and i
 time has come
 my mind
 catch up
 eyes shut
 fighting back
 rolling thunder
 fasttrack to reality
 broken ledges filling me
 let me fall

 moonlight rider
 high in the sadle
 dropped a dime
 picked it up
 you sat still
 i dropped my cup
 spoken word never meant so much
 when you can't forget the words
 to the song you hum on my life
 lips to the barrel you're my sparrow
 light for flight you're taking off
 roll another
 i'll be your brother
 tap the can
 i'll be your moses-man
 spoken word
 never said so much
 you never forgave me i never cried
 hidden tween the daylight and the night i still ride
 gotten out of trouble
 more times i'm seeing double
 but if you throw a party
 roll another
 i'll be your brother
 i'll be your brother (for a visit)
 roll another
 i'll be your brother
 tap the can tap the
 i'll be your hercules.

 light foot right foot
 pecker pecker
 wood's in the working
 i'm in the crowning
 king for a queen
 you're missing what's inbetween
 trees and forest
 whiteness of a beam shooting
 through the fields
 just as
 blurred as tomorrow
 crystal steed with cross on fore'
 brokedown empire risking another move
 caesar's dead caesar's dead
 julius bit the bucket and you're next so
 duck 'n' run away from the 7-11
 popping trowsers my mind's splattered
 abercrombie toadstool
 reaching for the lever
 head's in a grinder
 you're forced to wear the sander
 sand down your image
 let me see who you think you are
 woodgrains and all
 on the ball clock's stopped
 i'm wandering in the parking lot
 mind on the next break you're out of the loop
 traffic fought to pass me by
 fuck you i'll jack your wheels
 pass on the cornerstone
 let's all roll,
 tumble in the clouds
 all along this ridge of brightness
 crack between everyday and now
 dive dive
 into the darkness
 'tween the hinge and out the door
 stop drop hit the floor

hey hello goodbye
 hey hello goodbye
 2 seconds flat and you're off
 never a dull moment
 i'm always too busy smelling of you
 thoughts on thoughts
 piled high i can't stand
 all those testimonies you give to god
 fuck him fuck you and fuck your lies
 forgotten words i never said
 you just heard and i still hear
 grabbed on the siderail
 launched over
 lunch in the water now
 and you can't stop to stare
 hey hello goodbye
 2 seconds flat
 2 seconds flat
 time's changed since we were we
 seconds minutes hours
 all a moment
 hey hello goodbye
 2 seconds flat and you're off
 and you're off
 you're off
 get off and let me go
 i can't stand a slow song
 you can't make it fast anymore
 i can't stand the slow songs
 you can't dance with me so what's the point
 torn between two poles i'm being singed
 heart in a blender you can't pretend
 it never happened
 hey hello goodbye
 2 seconds flat and you're off
 2 seconds flat
 you're off
 i'm still standing here.

 (reel big fish - beer)

i'm done
 lick the clouds
 taste the sun
 it's over
 i'm done
 yield to the tracks
 let me go
 i'm gone
 laid back
 with a thousand
 in my side
 i can't change
 you can't make me
 lick the clouds
 taste the sun
 it's over
 i'm done
 yield to the tracks
 let me go
 i'm gone.

lover may i
 hooked on you i can't let go
 wrap me up again in
 i won't leave
 lover may i
 stay with you tonight
 beneath the stars
 we claim as our own
 jeep parked on the road
 hand in
 we walked the length
 of seconds,
 to the field
 head on ground i looked down
 to you
 heaven in motion i couldn't stop
 came to you for
 my heart,
 my soul,
 my fingers
 'twixt yours
 lover may i
 you never said no
 lover may i
 oh lover may i
 you asked and i
 couldn't say no.

 (dmb - crash into me)

 grab my heart
 twist and turn
 twist and turn
 cancer of the soul
 wish you could
 fucking put me in my place
 all my smiles
 from this face
 twist and turn
 twist and turn

public display
 walk along the towers let everyone smile
 what a nice
 yeah we are
 yeah we are
 russian roulette with a rubberband i'm tired of games
 you can't stop to tell me how you feel
 but you can tell me how i should
 i never said i'm sorry till i met you
 i never said i'm sorry
 i never forgave let you continue to cry
 shoulders slumped i'll walk home
 grab the raincoat said you'd walk with me
 holding on
 to everything everything i can't let go
 it's not going to end i won't let it
 walk until i crawl make you smile
 i won't give up and you can count on

have you ever
 have you ever wanted someone
 to the brink of frustration leading into
 have you ever wasted life
 for them and not giving a fuck about
 have you ever been in love
 with the idea of being with
 have you ever given it all
 fallen on your heart and
 have you ever spoken a word
 misspelled in your head and
 just because they're around
 have you ever walked the distance
 only to trip on the doorstep to their
 have you ever forced yourself
 happiness without them by your
 have you ever spent the night
 only to wake up and realize you're not
 have you ever said hello
 slipped/tripped/fell on your
 i have.

 i'm not exactly superman
 i've never flown
 hell, can't even land
 forgotten what today was
 all the screams collide
 mind wanders
 i'm breaking stride
 fallen on hands
 maybe i'll be home some time soon
 maybe i'll leave just
 to releave my wounds
 i'm not exactly
 i've never given thought to those
 who could be in need
 head's still too heavy
 i can't keep up with fate
 heart's giving in
 maybe i'll be home
 some time soon

 we sat beneath the willow tree
 counting leaves and massaging time
 hands intertwined betwixt the branches
 limbs hanging without support--
 or were they their own--
 without lips maybe it would have been longer
 till the next day
 woke up under pixies plucked from sea
 reflected in the sky and left for lovers wishes
 waited for you to wake,
 hand on yours,
 fingers moving over and i can't stop
 hoping you're real
 hoping you're dreaming
 of me
 like i'm dreaming of you.
 she laughed into my ear
 "tell me more.."
 and i couldn't resist
 giving her the memories
 of all the fantasies
 i couldn't let go
 even in her arms--
 or maybe she was in mine--
 pondside romances
 helped by roses
 stemmed from her lips
 watered by mine,
 ivory draped over limestone horse
 whose aging was definite..
 flecked interspersed veins of iron
 dusted over the seconds
 it took to realize
 its length in time,
 unformed landscapes
 still waiting to be filled
 by the feet of children
 pressed into sand
 and sprouting
 smiles falling
 arms round
 eyes tangled
 tears forcing their way up stream
 she never saw me coming
 rushing through a field
 without space between us
 and i turn her
 take her
 hold on for eternity.
 we laid beneath the willow tree
 envisioning imaginations
 we let run rampant
 till that starlit night
 we couldn't keep them in.

kiss the earth and smile 2
 -calm down, it's okay
 -just remember to breathe
 -pack the bags under your eyes
 -wave goodbye and leave
 if right before i died i looked up
 to see your face before the sky
 i might stay for a while
 kiss the earth and smile
 drag my feet below the ground
 away from pain away from yesterday
 it's okay, we're all the same
 -i'm suppose to be different
 -i'm suppose to be your one
 -i'm suppose to die first
 -i'm not suppose to be alone
 if right before you returned to me
 i saw you over the sunset
 i might stay for a while
 kiss the earth and smile

 thrown a thousand words to the wind
 hoping you'll pick one out and it makes sense

buddy holly
 hey dont say it
 we'll let our bodies know
 w-hey baby
 i'll let you in the door
 a-i'm not waitin
 i'm just cryin s'more
 w-well baby
 i think you're pretty fine
 whoa-ho baby
 let's light our hearts a'fire
 well hey baby
 do you know what i mean
 well hey baby
 let's go e-hen-joy
 we wish we knew
 oh baby
 i wanna be with you
 whoa-ho baby
 just you and you
 a-whoa-ho baby
 let's make it true.

kiss the earth and smile
 -calm down, it's okay
 -just remember to breath
 -pack the bags under your eyes
 -wave goodbye and leave
 if right before i died i looked up
 to see your face before the sky
 i might stay for a while
 kiss the earth and smile

 worst-case-scenario becomes reality
 forced to subside my destiny to see the fatalities
 not me but me my mind's been blown away
 too many posabilities withstanding i'm not staying
 racing for the past i can't see what's ahead
 or now
 she came at me from the side maybe that's why
 i can't stand to be alone i can't stand to watch her leave

 rays rapidly reaching their potential destination
 my mind's clouded/clogged by memory retention
 discussed with you the situation
 maybe it's time to give up for regeneration
 never passed the test just making it day by day
 you don't care you wish i'd float away
 surrounded by barriers you set up
 i'm left to worry/ponder why i'm fonder
 of you than anything else
 tripped on the last word
 maybe i can't say it after the good
 maybe you're blind and i should
 blind to me blind to us blind to time
 blind blind blind to reason
 blind to rhyme
 blind to my cares
 selfish toward your own
 some day i'll build enough courage
 to walk alone

the violin
 subtle motions rapid in succession
 fingers twist round the instrument
 i'm cold i'm cold
 dulled pain of knife in my side
 hand in pocket i continue stride
 walking along a once-lighted path
 my heart tempting destiny
 my mind playing hooky
 vague gestures to the contrary
 smile here, laughter there
 stumble over pebbles i'm still walking on
 smoothness of breath heated by ice
 hand beside me hoping to hide
 strolling along a torn-up street
 my heart pounding mercilessly
 my mind doing same
 airless twitches picking up steam
 grimace here, forced-smile there
 forgotten directions i'm still figuring out
 nip of cold worsened by shouts
 i'm cold i'm so cold

 if i can hear you
 i don't want to,
 turn up the volume
 drownin in music's misery
 wishing you weren't there
 but oh no
 you've come
 you've been here all along
 different tune same trendy song
 not another day without your shit
 it's all okay it's all alright until you're awake
 another heartbreak waiting round the corner
 god why can't you stay there
 close the windows pray you leave
 never gonna happen you have to bleed
 put on a bandaid ask for forgiveness
 crush my skull again
 drownin you out
 in music's misery
 same catchphrase playing
 wishing you'd leave
 sappy lovesong crowing
 wishing you'd give up and go
 pick up and LEAVE
 why can't you
 why can't you
 gotta be number one in my head
 gotta be number one
 why can't you
 why can't you
 just pick up and go
 let my hand fall walk alone
 nah nah aint gonna happen
 as long as you want in
 you'll keep this sherade up
 write on the board a broken heart
 expect me to figure it out?
 i want you gone
 drownin you out
 in music's misery
 same catchphrase playing
 wishing you'd leave
 why can't you
 why can't you
 forgive yourself
 and run along
 why can't you
 why can't you
 pick up and go don't say no
 just walk alone without me for once
 stop taking my mind and banging to the beat
 wrap my heart around a spike and squeeze
 just go your own way
 why can't you
 why can't you
 why can't you fucking leave me alone

if only
 if you were here with me
 i'd take your hand and never let go
 let the storms pass and the hours gather
 i'd never leave hold of who i know as heaven.
 on wings of cowards i came to be
 but with you i can't see being weak,
 too strong to hold on i'll never let go,
 i'd never miss a moment without you,
 i'd never cry,
 i'd never dream
 for my mind would look to you.
 if only god would bring you here--
 if only god would bring you here--
 if only life would cease
 and we'd be still beside eachother
 for eternity.
 what would be if the stars came knocking
 and i answered and you walked in?
 if only god would bring you here--
 if only god would bring you here--
 if only life would cease
 and we'd be still beside eachother
 for eternity.
 where are you oh wing-ed halo
 why haven't you come to me
 to take us from this reality
 to wash away the lonely
 to whipe away the flowing
 to hold me up when i can't fall down.
 if only god would bring you here--
 if only god would bring you here--
 if only life would cease
 and we'd be still beside eachother
 for eternity.

 when world comes
 he'll be watching,
 turning around
 pray to die
 hope to jump
 wish to float
 see the city
 above streets
 in rooms
 feast of family,
 candles sparked
 laughter dulled
 past enchanted
 visions of birth
 re-unions/ staying
 tucked in daydreams
 giving future canvas
 parted with smile,
 when world comes
 he'll be drifting
 feeling closer home
 away in never land
 having another scene
 to remember day after.

down the pipe
 geared to disaster
 and i'm still roaming free
 just let the dogs go
 and i'll follow you down
 down the pipe
 down the pipe
 up the snort and still going strong
 breathing deeper now
 i can smell your shit a thousand miles away
 and i'm still roaming free
 hoping you'll die and i'll be
 don't worry about the outcome
 when it's only you that cares
 it's not worth it not worth the worry
 not worth it not worth the pain
 just let go and i'll follow you down
 down the pipe
 down the pipe
 up the snort and still we're goin strong

 take the snapshots
 hold the memories
 file them away under Lost
 and forget me again.
 drag the past
 let go of the present
 walk away from it all
 and forget i ever came.
 What poisoned years
 I've come to known
 Without hope for going home
 I'll just stay far from
 Everything you hold dear--
 Me, myself, myself, you.

what went wrong
 what went wrong
 never known my dad
 never really cared
 till i saw you standing alone,
 in the middle of the lawn,
 hands by your side
 mouth open wide--
 SCREAM-ing all the time
 never gonna stop
 just keep it goin like i'm alright
 i'll tuck you in
 i'll read our stories
 i'll kiss you goodnight
 i'll never say goodbye
 i'll never say goodbye
 i'll never leave like mine
 staying for a lifetime
 count on me when you can't add it up,
 talk to me when you don't know the words,
 take my hand if you can't cry
 i'll be there every day
 every day
 every day.

you said
 you said
 you wouldn't touch me
 since our tomorrow never came.
 you said
 white picket fences
 were for fools who never saw
 what bleach does to the soul.
 you said
 you said
 you said forget what you said
 but how can i
 when you're in my head
 every grueling day--
 i sit there
 in my carpet-walled cubicle,
 holding on to hands
 that only let me go
 whenever i put down the coffee
 and wake up to be without you again.
 blessed without the gift of gab
 and driven by two-holed shoes,
 one in the back
 and one in my heart,
 i'm walking on the curb and about to tip over;
 just take my hand and tell me it's ok
 even if
 it's not
 and you don't want to come back
 or say hello
 just watch me walk by,
 watch me,
 watch me,
 watch me
 shut the window and dive out
 grab onto ledge and jump back up--
 take this as your notice
 i'm not giving up
 i'll just start all over--
 cry, crawl, kneel,
 then you'll be the one throwing in the towel,
 wishing there was never time between
 yesterday and today.

chance delayed
 dropped the dime just in time
 to see your eyes walk up,
 followed by thighs i never thought i'd miss
 and hands i remember too well
 but well enough to know you waved goodbye
 while running away to say hello
 to someone else i never knew.

 bringing back flavors of the krylon kind
 step back n take a peak at the beauty
 that'll not only shock ya but blow ya mind
 dont tag for the fun but for the art ya see
 just like da vinci i make everyone
 sit back, relax, n just marvel at me
 wonderin 'hows he do that?' 'whats his trick?'
 well the only thing up my sleeve
 is my ability to see when the shit is sick.
 orange, blue, black
 all i see is red when i crack the top
 move my wand n bam, the watchers stop
 not to comment but to stare
 at what they wish was frozen
 n could stay for an eternity as theirs.
 but when i see the sketch i drew in the rearview
 i know the next day it'll be whiped
 just cuz everyone wishes they could do
 the illegal masterpieces i give life.

curbside visions
 when i
 open the door
 i step outside,
 take a breath,
 smell the air--
 wish i was
 somewhere else
 but i'm not so i won't
 being away
 from everything i know
 i want.
 rip apart every picture you left of you,
 let me see the day
 when we won't be bothered again
 thoughts of memories--
 we never said goodbye
 to the
 clouds we once shared,
 the stars we thought would never move,
 the dawns we woke,
 the waves we fought
 just to be
 walk outside,
 i can see the street
 don't know if
 i'll go
 or if i'll fall down,
 trip over the curb
 land on my hands,
 the same
 you used to grip
 when you
 i miss the days,
 i miss the nights,
 i miss the little fights,
 over whether i'd go or stay.

muted symphony
 why can't i say
 what i wish you knew
 god i wish you weren't
 so i could let loose
 all the whispers i leave for morning,
 every silent plea
 i give to my sheets
 to hide my face

 why can't
 my hands know
 for the first time since
 i could close my eyes,
 see through the veins
 and catch a glimpse of
 with hair let fall
 on shoulders so subtle
 they rise above the sunset,
 eyes so
 far away
 from time
 it counts on
 to get through the days.
 i cannot stop shaking
 with my thoughts on ..
 the universe
 which surrounds you..
 a pearl princess
 with a rose for a soul,
 constellations for a
 me for a worshiper.

 let the pillow
 break my dreams
 let me see why you are
 the only
 one i know
 whenever i can cry
 without a
 soul to let me fly.
 take my fingers
 within your own,
 let us come
 from now
 to forever and ever again
 without worrying
 about tomorrow,
 all the screams we can throw
 from this smile on our face
 and let go
 of everything we can't
 know as
 being our own.

monestery steps
 it takes
 a thousand steps
 to see ahead a thousand more,
 a curious being
 to find out curiousity is peculiar,
 a dog
 to catch a fox,
 a fool
 to see you as anything but
 a blade of grass unyielding
 to dew's timepiece,
 sharper than its brethren
 yet untapered by its days.

Sonnet I
 Hold my hand within your own
 So I might know what warmth the roast brings
 Or what satisfaction one might moan
 When faced with Heaven's unequalled barings.
 Say the course of day were to untimely end,
 Would you notice with my arms 'round
 Or simply shrug it off as though it could be mended
 By lips, filled, still gone down?
 Through faulted schemes I try for your heart,
 Faulted in how a Queen could see a commoner
 Whose own breath your hair-ends does part,
 And whose arms could never fit o'er your crown;
    For twice a man cannot find himself
    Able to wrap to fist starting at your belt.
 (shakespeare - sonnet xviii)

buck up
 how can i say
 you need to
 maybe like that?
 sniffle up those tears,
 crown that frown with a lil upside-down,
 and never forget:
 you're better than that.

 you bring the snacks,
 i'll bring the packs,
 we'll meet up in the alleyway.
 you teach the kids,
 i'll feed the dogs,
 we'll see each other eventually.
 cut the onions
 pretending you're not bleeding
 from the outside in
 i can see you're failing
 at hiding the scratches i've left
 so smile and wake up,
 i'll brew some coffee and we'll make up
 a thousand nights i've told this story
 how a pauper met a princess,
 forgot his own name
 and left the world behind
 for every day i can't reach out
 i wish i could stand on the tallest mountain
 just to shout the words i've never said..
 i love you,
 you're with me,
 never forget
 i'll always be
 wherever you want me.
 cut the onions
 pretending you're not bleeding
 from the outside in
 i can see you're failing
 at hiding the scratches i've left
 so smile and wake up,
 i'll brew some coffee and we'll make up.

tumbling race
 take with you
 every memory
 of whispers, of
 wishes, of
 movies let run
 while we focused on..
 other things.
 take from me
 every memory
 of the days we shared
 out of the snow,
 in each others' arms
 without knowing
 today would arrive.
 take with you
 every hand we gripped
 to bring us closer
 from eternity.
 take with you
 all i see
 for it all reminds
 me of you..
 our time together,
 morning to morning,
 is too much to bear
 on these
 simple shoulders
 of a
 simple man
 not worth remembering.
 when the time comes
 i want you to know
 i never walked out
 i never said goodbye
 i never cried
 since you passed on..
 too many smiles
 haunt me daily
 to know that
 could be
 with your memory.
 i can't see tomorrow
 without you before me,
 without heaven with us,
 without the sun to shine behind us
 on our way
 they said once it passes
 it passes..
 leaving me here,
 you there,
 and loneliness abound.
 i watered your
 hoping you'd stem from them..
 when the night lasted till day woke us?
 when the day stood
 till the moon guided us?
 every second past
 the dawn we grew old
 and finally
 let the world in
 on our infinity?

 on the rays
 of yesterdays
 see through the clouds
 through the rain in the distance--
 passed us by--
 laying beside Forever
 i see your eyes
 seducing Infinity,
 reaching out your smile
 to let me hold
 on to the only thing
 keeping me breathing,
 that kept me immortal
 before mortality caught up.

 (ben folds - the luckiest)

 i'm ready to kiss the world goodbye
 before they turn out the lights
 let's pretend we can fly,
 take to the court like a couple of bandits
 and see everything we've missed
 we always woke in the sunshine
 opening our eyes to close out the night
 so let's see what it's all about
 let's see what is so sacred
 about leaving before the beams come on
 about leaving before the last one's left
 and we're still alone--
 just a lil more space
 to do whatever we never could.

wandering goodbyes
 saying all
 you wanted to say
 but only said
 after we let goodbye
 walk us away
 from every moment
 we almost had,
 every night
 we let slip by,
 every rose
 i should have bought,
 every goodnight
 you should have heard,
 every piercing of our hearts
 that could have kept us
 if there were a time
 when time would stop
 and let us feel
 we know we have,
 i'd slip into your arms
 and wish the partings gone.

 (lit - slip)

 busy? i'll let you go
 walk all over me
 and say you're sorry
 before you even
 fucked up again
 you're not even seeing
 everything you're doing to me
 does it matter? i'll let you go
 on and on again
 about how your life sucks
 without even asking
 what's wrong
 what's wrong with me.

 that's okay
 hold your head up high
 pretend i'm not here
 as you fucking walk by
 inhale the sky
 lick the clouds
 see my eyes
 remember my
 CRIES of freedom
 once brought me home
 now i know i was always alone

 (garfield - fat & fluffy lottery episode)

 awoken to the night
 for the second year in a row,
 my eyes glued shut
 from dreams of grandeur
 always let slip away.
 let my fingers fall
 upon your cheek,
 let my eyes fight off
 the warriors of the wet
 wanting so desperately to roll on down
 from the soul-deep moonlight
 into your red-licked rivers
 and wade for eternity.

electronic piano
 stare at the keys
 wait for them to move
 tap the keys
 wait for them to speak
 stroke the keys
 wait for them to sing
 pound the keys
 make them cry

knuckle to the nail
 sitting awake
 and i'm wishing the world would stop
 to let me off
 so i can hold my breath
 and wait for life
 to cut my fingers
 from the knuckle to the nail,
 telling me
 that tomorrow won't be coming
 not the way it should
 or i
 wish it would.
 lot of impossibilities
 when it comes to dreaming,
 maybe this is another.

hello, dear
 i wake up in a sweat,
 arm's been taken over,
 heart's been mended
 and i'm
 closing my eyes
 wishing the world could know
 what this
 is like
 without a smile
 i couldn't bear it
 without a kiss good DAY
 i couldn't bear it
 without a
 match struck on my life
 i couldn't bare
 without you
 and i know you

 (eve 6 - nocturnal)

 you sit there and cry
 about every misfortune
 WE left behind,
 every loss of words
 for wandering
 you go and do the same
 expecting sympathy
 where you'd never say goodbye.
 let these words
 the rain
 i never saw before..
 the smiles
 i wish i never
 saw before.

 i'll find
 i've never seen.
 i'll feel
 i've let get away.
 i'll know i never left
 what was never started..
 is what she gave me
 is what i wish i had
 is what i lack the most
 is what i call myself
 when i'm not
 is something i'll never know
 because my
 is nothing i see it could be.

 to the ceiling they stand,
 ripped apart by shaking hands,
 torn open by well-watered eyes
 yet still they stay,
 a reminder of once felt
 for him, or her,
 or of the word.

 soft rust glides on empty memories;
 my hands lift themselves
 to hold my head above the world,
 trying to make sense from cents;
 the down open up for sake of help
 but come to see
 the soles don't come around
 until they can't hold their hearts.

ballet in the lobby
 finger in the air,
 hand to the side
 and arms outstretched to let us in;
 sitting on the bus
 and watchin the incrowd play alone,
 everyone else loungin around
 lifeless as usual is the way they hang,
 but the happies are content
 in waving to the goodbyes,
 welcoming the hellos
 and taking in anyone willing
 to enjoy

 everytime i sit down to write
 another phrase pops up
 from a song sung so many times
 you'd wish it'd lose its meaning--
 but never does.
 if there were a way to memorize
 everything we want,
 i wouldn't,
 just to be able to relive
 all the pain again
 and say to myself
 for the thousandth time
 "i told you so,
 but you wouldn't listen
 until you knew i was right.";
 just to be able to relive
 all the happiness
 and say to myself
 for the thousandth time
 "i never thought it'd happen,
 but i guess they were right..
 whoever it was
 that said 'happiness isn't a dream
 if you can wake up for it'."

 (five for fighting - superman)

 wonder-balled and snowed in for the first time in my
 blows but i stick around just to know that it can get worse.
 if there was life somewhere other than this shithole
 i hope
 they'll stay there so we can wallow in our own self-loathing,
 that never gets the true cost of life,
 this isn't a freestyle or a
 just another shpeel about how nothing works out
 when you're ending the end but can't find the off switch,
 when you're leaving for good but can't start the car,
 when you're saying you'll never be the same
 with the same skin on you had before.
 was any better,
 i'd shoot myself for fear i might like it,
 but i'm not that stupid
 it's not like everyday woes will keep me clean
 from being my own,
 but i'd rather it be me
 than it be you.

 (pink - dear diary)
 self-hatred with a smile :]

night to day
 if night turns to meet day
 before i come home
 know i meant
 to see you first.

never seen
 never seen my own face
 within the mirror
 just looked around
 and saw the illusions
 everyone else
 fucking saw
 that life is nothing
 if you're not you
 i'm not me,
 i'm who you
 wanted me to become
 and i'm tired
 of living this way
 and that
 just depending on
 who you are
 and who i'm not
 they tell me
 to be myself
 but i'm not sure
 if that's this way or that
 i'm not me,
 i'm who you
 wanted me to become
 and i'm tired
 of it
 go to hell
 and bring me back a
 welcome home basket,
 take your thoughts
 and keep them just that,
 remove your head
 from my ass
 and breathe for once
 the air you pollute
 with every ideal
 and moral
 you place on me.

love & sex
 is a four-lettered word
 that means bullshit
 you know why
 the first kiss was never the best,
 the last dance never was,
 a kiss goodnight is for tomorrow's worries,
 the end is for suckers.

 is a four-lettered word
 that means bullshit
 you know that
 clenched hands aren't the only things keeping you,
 the sunrise is always, always, always why
 today isn't the greatest day
 of your life,
 being alone is for suckers.

 (movie: love and sex)

i'm not that scared
 i'm not that scared
 that tomorrow might not be
 the day i meet you,
 i'm just terrified--
 thinking that you won't be
 in my dreams
 to give me something to reach for
 when i'm slipping on the pavement,
 drowning in my own
 it's not that i'm alone,
 because i have a thought
 of who you might be--
 my future,
 next week,
 next year,
 next lifetime--
 all too far away
 to stop my lonely
 i'm not going to lie,
 i want you to know
 that when you
 i'm thinking of you
 and seeing your smile,
 praying to myself
 that you'll come and take me
 from my dreams
 and release me from this
 in myself
 to show me the world
 and what it's like
 when i don't have to look
 through two blinded eyes,
 instead able to feel
 the wind's hand letting me know
 with you.

 (pink - dont let me get me)

 last words i heard
 "off with his head"
 as the world turned
 and left me here
 to be nothing
 than another
 without a million people
 to say hello
 when the world returns
 to me
 and shows me how
 i can always change
 when nothing's changed
 and everyone's dead
 from the darkness without me
 and the light
 from me.

holding my breath
 holding my breath,
 waiting for the Right
 to find me,
 and i see you
 standing there,
 within thoughts from sleep,
 and the air
 is drowned from my lungs
 to join the orbit 'round you,
 to join my gaze 'round you.

trying to catch the stars
 trying to catch the stars
 in your eyes--
 already have,
 but can't
 see it in the mirror.

 trying to capture the heavens
 in your smile--
 already there,
 but can't
 show it to me
 for fear
 i'll want to die again
 and never leave
 the halos i find to be
 every pice of
 in the world--
 all brought by you.

 will be brighter than this moonlit night
 and my heart might
 and jumpstart
 to another lifeless day alone
 without another person to call my own
 HAH i wish tomorrow would come
 and rip me apart
 tear me from this place you call your own
 and take me beyond
 everyone, everything, EVERY FUCKING DAY
 that i'm stuck here

 every twist of fate
 leads me spiralling blindly down
 another unchartered hallway
 into another row of doors worn near the peeper
 yet never entered,
 save for the last one on the right..
 always on the right
 to let me go in circles
 and over

the pit
 you sit there and stare
 as i throw back my chair,
 fall on my ass,
 do a 360 in the wind
 just in time to alienate the past.
 you look at how pathetic i am
 for seeing the world for what it is
 a pit of carnivores
 and i'm the keeper
 sent to feed you,
 keep you
 of all the times
 you could smile
 without having to turn around
 and see me standing there..
 for reality
 but stuck in it all the same
 laugh at me for that
 laugh at me for that
 down on me for that
 me along your wornout EARTH for that
 so i can be ready to do it again
 and go back to thinking
 maybe next time
 you'll catch me instead.

 have you ever seen the heaven
 of a woman with her lips let crease
 to show the world in movements
 how perfect reality can be?
 with lips of ivory let reddened by happiness,
 eyes let widened to out sunlight's brightness,
 she rips at fantasy,
 leaves it wishing it could be
 what she is inside..

 if the night were longer
 i could hold you till the end of time,
 watching the fireflies flicker
 while their distant cousins herd slowly
 across the pond of sky above us,
 if the day were longer
 i could take you across the world
 with every kodak moment
 to guide us to our next home of the hour,
 never letting loose your fingers
 because you'd never let go.
 if our dreams were shorter
 we could live them longer,
 always catching up
 on every new idea for how we could be together..
 if this moment were longer
 we'd be smiling till life passed us by.

 once upon a time
 the stadium lights shown
 on everyone chanting..
 not a moment passed
 they didnt wish to be
 anywhere but
 between the crowds
 tossing them up like coins
 hoping they'd land
 head up
 and they ran
 from every taunt,
 every nudge,
 every microscopic pot
 waiting to boil over.
 landing on the light side of the moon,
 they looked to venus
 to see what eden was like--

3rd person
 staring at a picture
 from a thousand moons ago
 and i can't make out the view,
 i think it's from the 3rd
 because of how
 i am
 from everything in site..
 the snow-bare hilltops,
 the sandles left by a river dried still,
 the heart on floor
 left to die on its own.

 "i'll be gone for the weekend
 and you'll never see me again"
 famous last words from an infamous liar,
 but never did they think he'd be true to
 his word of all things is what he kept,
 not the necklace from his girlfriend
 or the ring from his bestfriend.
 "you'll wonder where i am
 and never let me go from your minds"
 famous joke from an infamous cheat,
 but never did they think
 he'd be telling
 the truth is something he's not very fond of
 but always seems to come down to
 when the time grows near
 to leave and say goodbye to another year
 and another resolution to stay forgotten.

 i can say a thousand things
 to let you know i'm here,
 but none would match my hand
 stretched out and hoping
 you'd answer with a smile..
 and a thousand different words
 try to make sense of how i feel
 but none will match
 the almost and the forevers
 i know are in my heart.
 you can say i never cared,
 you can say i don't know how i feel,
 but remember that oaks grow from seeds
 let 'lone to fend for themselves
 or watered through the years.

circus petal
 nestled within a thousand thorns,
 a single rose of roses is born--
 with ruby top
 yellow trunk,
 of rainbows
 domes into reality--
 without gold or sun,
 still it glows.

like a flower
 like a flower
 you waver in the wind
 but stay all the same
 like a willow
 you hang low to
 the creek beneath
 but stay all the same
 like the ocean
 you crash when you feel it right
 but stay all the same
 like the sunset
 you're forever there,
 just turning over
 to show the other side of the moon
 and let me know
 that you're more
 than mine,
 you're everything

 waking up to the rooster,
 my mind wishing he'd notice
 everything i've done since time began.
 i'll never be what he's wanted
 but i know i'll be what everyone else
 expects of me...
 not that it matters,
 but i wish i would have said hello
 all those times i could have seen goodbye
 come again
 and wash away any doubt in my mind
 that i wasn't willing to make amends.
 every last scream
 from the dampness of my eyes
 tells me through the mirror
 that i'll never wear yesterday's misfortunes
 as another heavy disguise.
 every thing's changing--
 i can still see myself
 without the pity of a reflection,
 and i know that a quivering lip
 means nothing if he doesn't know
 that everytime i see him
 i can't stand to look away
 without knowing he still cares.
 i've shaken my head
 for the thousandth time
 without a soul to see
 everything i've put on shoulders let slump.
 cleared vision
 leads to a sigh of pain gone 'way
 as every unspoken word
 still spins round
 and every unseen cry for him to be
 what a son needs
 still gnaws away,
 picking me clean
 of any reason to not be
 a son.

danielle is beautiful
 once upon a fairytale
 i was able to see beyond the sun
 and know that the moon is coming--
 but now the moon has set
 and the sun is rising--
 i look to you
 i see
 i've ever seen
 as beautiful.
 i look to you
 i see
 i've ever seen
 as beautiful.
 once upon a fairytale
 i could sit and wonder
 about tomorrow's chances
 of being better than today--
 now i know
 as long as i'm with you
 everything gets better with time.
 i look to you
 i see
 i've ever seen
 as beautiful.
 i look to you
 i see
 i've ever seen
 as beautiful.
 tonight let's take the phone
 and throw it out the window--
 tonight let's share the bed
 with Destiny--
 tonight let's know that heaven
 is going to come no matter what.

is it me
 is it me
 or is the world
 round you--
 round you--
 round you--
 till the flames
 of every once upon a time
 go out
 and you're
 left standing
 with my arms
 round you--
 round you--
 my happily ever after
 with you.

who said
 who said life was fair
 or the rainbows never faded
 or the roses never whilted--
 who said life was fair
 or the blossoms never browned
 or the milk never spoiled--
 who said living was a right
 or to breathe was a sin
 or to write was a crime--
 who said living was a right
 or to die was a bylaw
 or to cry was a sentence--
 i did.

 i feel
 like writing a thousand words,
 seeing a thousand more
 written on the wall.
 tired of giving in,
 tired of giving up,
 tired of letting
 get to me
 and everything
 taking hold--
 not letting go.

nice guy
 left for dead on the offramp,
 i'm staring down the barrel
 and i'm willing to pull the trigger.
 slightly slanted
 towards the time when i knew life was grand
 and not a pile of shit
 this hurts.
 i use to be the nice guy,
 always finished last,
 never took what i saw
 as being what needed
 to be mine.
 never smiled
 when everyone cried--
 never able to swallow
 i've drowned a thousand times
 in tears left standing on the edge
 and never able to comfort myself
 besides when i'm able to fall asleep
 and let everything stay still
 so i can take a look
 at life.
 nothing's going to change
 when i'm gone and you're looking down
 at what i've become--

every word
 every word,
 every song
 led to this moment
 when tomorrow's finally here
 and later has left us behind.
 every breath,
 every kiss
 led to this moment
 when yesterday's become the goal of today
 and sometime has left us in the dust.
 every time,
 every almost
 led to this moment
 when one day has come at last
 and once upon a fairytale passed us by.
 every thing
 you said to me--
 every thing
 i promised you--
 every second
 we spent together--
 every night
 we saw what could be--
 every tomorrow
 that never showed--
 every whisper
 heard a mile away--
 and nothing is able to keep us
 from giving in
 and letting all those sunsets break the horizon
 for another "i love you"
 directed at someone else.

 if there
 was a cure
 for tears
 i'd be happy again.
 if there
 was a cure
 for sadness
 i'd be happy again.
 took life to its fullest
 but now i see
 that every day brings another
 and tomorrows never stop giving hope
 that maybe yesterday wasn't so bad--
 but they're still yesterdays
 and today will be one soon.

30 seconds
 30 seconds
 from dusk to dawn
 when you're awake
 and i'm sleeping
 when you've left me
 and i know tomorrow's coming again.
 30 seconds
 from today to tomorrow
 to know why
 i let every day
 become a yesterday.
 30 seconds
 from a hello to a goodbye.

 wishing something was different
 but nothing will change
 now that life's taken
 away from
 and let us
 become what used to be.

 ever since
 from grace
 i've wondered
 why we
 this place
 for answers
 when everything
 is infront
 of us
 and tomorrow
 is ahead
 of us
 to shed some light
 on today.

 i once stared at the sun
 long enough to blind my eyes.
 i once stood still so long
 i never saw you strolling by.
 someone once told me
 life's easy
 it's dying that's hard;
 but once you're born
 you've begun to die.
 i never saw you
 just heard you walking
 and the birds whistling
 at the wind 'round you
 wishing they could hitch a ride
 to the same place you're heading --
 isn't so far away
 once you're around
 but it feels like forever hell
 once you've said goodbye.

 sitting atop the galaxies
 i can see through the stars
 and through my heart--
 to you.

jealous universe
 looked up
 and saw that you were
 ontop of the world
 as the stars fell..
 as the worlds slid
 along the universe,
 'round your eyes--
 i saw how jealous
 they were that you were still
 and they were dying--
 that you were constant
 and they were changing.
 and i
 looked out
 across the waters
 to see you shining,
 leading the islands
 in a dance of midnight
 'round your eyes--
 'round your heart--
 in our love.
 i looked into my eyes
 and saw you standing
 above the world--
 beyond the edge of ocean
 and i cried,
 knowing that you were seeing me
 the same i was seeing you.

naive slumbers
 lost blossoms trickle down
 over raindrops left standing,
 branches left hanging,
 eyes left seeing..
 and all i can think about is you.
 whether or not tomorrow will be here
 or tonight will be the last
 we'll share;
 whether or not the laughter will drench the sadness
 or the tears will prevail.
 think about tomorrow
 or tonight
 or the next few seconds
 already vanished;
 about the 1 second we know is coming
 after this
 and after it
 has gone.
 then i wake.

plea from heaven
 i dropped you off
 on the side of the street
 so your parents couldn't see the kiss goodnight--
 so we can see eachother tomorrow
 or maybe the day after
 or maybe for weeks to come
 or maybe
 i see through the rearview
 your knees following the tears
 we've let flood the streets.
 i see through the rearview
 every creased-lip smile,
 every 'goodnight' leading to this
 and i smile
 as the years trickle by
 and we're left apart
 to see through the rearview
 everything we could have been
 and every last goodbye.

 best-dressed man at the funeral,
 picking up the stares
 and exchanging them for glances.
 worst-dressed boy at the schoolyard,
 flashin' the smile at the lil girls,
 dropping their hearts like pennies in a pool
 left over by the architects of yesterday
 and remaining because of the unanswered lies
 of today.
 think i care?
 i'm just struttin' 'round
 to see the world from behind;
 walking the detours
 and seeing all we've changed;
 climbing the rooftops
 to see the soot built up
 from generations of laughter gone bland..

 beneath the giants
 i sleep and wonder
 when my day will come
 and i'll be out of here.
 above the stars
 i sleep and slumber,
 asking myself when i'll leave
 and join you back on earth.
 under the feet
 of a thousand soles,
 i wake and whistle
 as the dawn breaks through
 and i'm left without a world
 to call my own.
 atop the mountains
 i throw myself down,
 flying from you all
 and landing,
 in hell.

 hidden within the images of the past,
 the shadows of the future,
 the screams of tomorrow,
 the whispers of yesterday
 a haunted soul
 with sickle in hand
 and bone through skin,
 his eyes set on you
 and your own drawing close
 to let the midnight in
 and the stars vanish.

 vague gestures scattered the horizon--
 ships wandered, without anchor, over the haze
 that once seemed so untouchable,
 so tomb-like..
 and then
 out of nowhere
 a tear stretched over vision,
 slicing into it
 with jagged teeth..
 a sunrise.

 i'd say goodbye to yesterday
 and erase all the tomorrows
 we know would tear us apart
 if i knew how--
 if i knew how..
 but if tomorrow comes
 i'll wrap us in the heavens
 and ward off the day..
 we'll escape it somehow
 and stay together--
 where we can smile
 and see both eyes
 widening for more.

purched atop the towers
 resting my wings
 i can look away
 from everything chasing me
 and see the splinter of light
 floating over the blue,
 leading to the gold
 of a midday moon
 and the journey ahead.

a thousand mile journey
 it's been a while
 since we've been close enough
 to see the tears
 running wild--
 without being held
 they'll always be running
 from the times we've had,
 the memories we've bottled--
 the rain keeps falling
 even when the sun is shining,
 but i know
 that you'll be there
 when i need you/
 want you/
 need you more
 than i could ever have you/
 you'll be there.

dreamin' in the daytime
 woken up on the left side of the bed
 far too many times to forget
 that tomorrow will be any different
 and today won't be the same
 but maybe i'll be lucky--
 maybe the rays will fall,
 the stars will laugh,
 the clouds will break
 and the crowds will clap--
 i can see us running
 through the thousand-acre field
 in the back of my mind--
 maybe it'll be different
 now that i can see you smiling
 and know that
 is because i'm close.

 gathered posies
 over an endless stream of consciousness
 tend to light the way home
 if you're gone and don't know where
 to put the first foot forward

 ever seen someone at first
 thought about how beautiful they were
 but could never say why
 or how you knew
 you'd meet them
 and like them
 maybe love them?
 ever seen someone
 in a dream,
 a glimpse,
 a stare,
 a smile
 and realized
 they're growing more and more
 to you
 and the world is worthless
 if they walk away
 and the world is worthless
 if they don't stand
 and brighten it up

without you
 i've awakened to another day unfolded
 origami on a two-tone rug--
 half rusted and half wiltered,
 it's still sticky in the spot
 where i ran my fingers through your hair
 and where atlas lost his grip--
 why does the world keep tilting
 on to us
 why do the waves keep brushing along
 our dreams
 why won't the world stop spinning
 to let us rest

 split second ago i was wondering what life meant
 why the world spins 'round
 why we're inside-out
 why the visions of the tired
 never come true
 why the ants speed 'cross the ground
 why we're stuck here
 without a reason to be
 except knowing that there might be hope
 in the sun's return--
 in seeing how we could end
 and climbing through time
 to stop it--
 but still we try..
 wonderin' why the shakespeares die
 why the caesars vanish
 why the heroes lose
 why the giants stumble
 wonderin' why the birds can fly
 and we're stuck here.
 tumble with me
 over the roses and into the sea
 from the shore to the deep--
 come with me.
 wonderin' why the trees survive
 why the weeds kill
 why even the vultures cry--
 come with me
 and we'll try to find
 why the wanderers wonder.
top / footnote

 how everytime i look
 i see another droplet falling--
 another sparkle fading
 from this lifted saucer
 and the smiles you flash
 but never leave in sight.
 how sitting here
 but not too close,
 to you
 lets me see that everything will be ok
 when the days go away
 and the weeks pass us over--
 when the tears stop feeding the seedlings
 of a million arguments
 forgiven but never completely left.
 another year behind us,
 thousands more ahead.

the ghetto
 a quarter breeze passed
 to close the door and start the mind,
 rippled blades tanning brown
 as the sundial's shade went 'round.
 a halfpast word left before it could be thought–
 "I live there."

Pitiful Jupiter
 stars tilted slightly,
 hung over a wheeping king
 of World,
 no more followers beckon him
 to change the fates–
 just pages fingered over
 and left to be devoured
 by splints of silver
 and Time.

forget the world
 keep your eyes open,
 settle into the chair you've named
 and forget the world.
 get on your feet,
 let the air take you
 and forget the world.
 forage through my heart,
 pick your place
 and stay for a while.
 jump over the gates,
 play in the clouds
 and look back down at me.
 smile through the stars,
 wake up the sun
 and stay in heaven.
top / footnote

 draw back the shades
 and let the morning take us
 to another day of being together--
 another night of heads held
 and bodies warmed..
 turn off the radio,
 hide the tv,
 lay with me a moment
 and let it become an eternity.

constant glance
 spin me
 and watch me fall--
 top-heavy with dreams of you--
 this pounding in my chest
 could it be
 from you?
 your only gift to me
 without knowing i exist--
 rash but not completely clueless
 to the ways of love
 and everything that comes with it..
 i know
 a look
 can't be enough
 to wrap me 'round you,
 but can a thousand?--
 each second
 of every forever
 that you go walking by,
 turning slightly--
 are you noticing me?
 ..hopes too great
 to let them be right--
 i'm always wrong
 so nothing's new..
 that now
 it's you
 that is right
 without knowing
 what you feel like
 against me
 in the darkness
 of a candlelight vigil--
 maybe tomorrow.

 broken hearts
 leftover lives
 nothing to say
 but love has left me once again
 to dwell on yesterday's glories
 and the dreams that would have come..
 had i given it another thought
 maybe we'd be together now--
 not sitting in the kennel
 to wake up and hear the cages clang
 to let us know that which keeps us apart.
 forgotten since the beginning,
 never meant to happen--
 but it did.
 singing on the hilltops
 of a thousand-mile road,
 the droplets spreading over
 to scrape away the smiles
 we'll never see again.
 if i had given it
 another chance–
 another push
 to jump it back into life,
 maybe we'd be together now
 and everything would be better
 than this hell of being apart.

another day
 tomorrow's another day
 to say that yesterday wasn't
 and today is nothing special--
 just a leap forward
 to gain on the next
 and let go of the rest
 until you're tired of the relay
 and rest on today.

 in my own claws
 and i'm trying to free
 from what i see
 in the mirror,
 in the pictures,
 in the eyes
 of everyone who looks
 at me--
 i can go a day
 without thinking
 of what it is i need to change,
 but 7 days make me weak
 and i break it off with
 forgetting the
 promises made/
 tortures laid
 before me
 and carried out by my own hands/
 nothing's gonna change
 as long as i'm
 in the mirror,
 in the pictures,
 in the eyes
 of everyone who looks
 at me.
top / footnote

kissing toads
 sweet smelling perfume
 bottled in her room
 ready to escape
 ready to bloom
 but can't spread her wings
 in the balcony
 of time.
 a thousand stars shatter
 to see her smile,
 a thousand more wait
 to see her frown..
 kissing toads
 to find the right one,
 she'll never be sane
 until she has someone to blame
 for every little thing
 and to love even more
 for every little thing.
 never the center of attention--
 just the universe.
 never standing on a ledge--
 just the edge
 of reality.
 in her own dream world
 and creating more
 each day,
 she swallows the chores given
 and runs away to see them left
 in the hands of the giver.
 kissing toads
 to find the right one,
 she'll never be sane
 until she has someone to blame
 for every little thing
 and to love even more
 for every little thing.
top / footnote

another symphony
 given a thousand years
 only to wait a thousand more--
 in a day we parted,
 in a day we could regain
 everything lost
 by the tears that keep us from each other.
 bring on the stabbing
 of my heart and yours--
 we can take them--
 as long as we're together
 tomorrow will come

collapsed lung, pressured soul
 never seen the world from afar–
 don't know what it's like
 to dream of tomorrow
 when all i can think of was yesterday
 and the time i spent with you..
 traveled through the glaciers—
 melted the caps of our souls again.
 forgotten what the nightmares are
 when i'm still thinking of you.
 can't speak–
 hold on to yesteryear
 and remember
 what it was
 we had–
 but lost.
 gotta leave the memories
 and strive for what may come
 when the sun rises from darkness
 and shines on both of us.
top / footnote

head over
 invited to the party,
 left at the door.
 taken for a dance,
 left on the floor.
 nothing will ever be the same
 once i rid myself of shame
 and break down the walls
 that keep us in this hallway of despair--
 tomorrow is another day,
 another chance at happiness
 or another chance at glory/
 for everything i've done before
 that's kept me from where i want to be--
 with you.
 scratch the ceiling
 with your knees,
 know that a quantum leap backward
 brings you closer to me.
 sifting through the days
 that never seem to end,
 they always begin
 on a brighter note
 when i'm
 with you.
top / footnote

 past the Eden gardens–
 lighting my way
 with thoughts of her
 and those smiles
 that Heaven tries
 to litter upon
 (through jealousy)–
 my eyes,
 move over the luminous markers–
 i try
 not to keep my place
 wherever the feet fall–
 for fear of being drawn
top / footnote

A New Look
 I used to see the world for what it is—
 Bone-dry in the soul
 Yet wet in the mind—
 But now I see it like everyone else—
 Cold, damp, dirty
 Yet bright some days.
 I don't know where I lost that sight
 (maybe in the rain,
 while the frost waits to harden,
 or maybe it was worn through
 by the sketches of a self-abandoned child),
 But tomorrow may bring it back to life
 Or cover it even more.
 I'll just wait to see.
top / footnote

 bled a river for you,
 now dry,
 to give you life again.
 still you wilted,
 still you withered away
 and all I could hear
 was "goodbye today,
 hello tomorrow,"
 and the sorrow I left
 when I gave in to you.

 grateful dead blasting through the headphones,
 unlit cigarette burn on the sofa,
 record spinning but nothing playing,
 dust-covered tv blocking the view of morning,
 another frontdoor kicked in,
 another backdoor left open;
 nothing's changed and everything will.
 street preacher smiling to see the day,
 bird flying too low to see the clouds,
 junky getting off her feet,
 mother putting down the apron;
 never will it change.

 looking back
 at the traffic left behind
 and the corners cut,
 it all fades into nothing,
 covered with nothing
 and filled with nothing--
 nothing, it is,
 that you can run from,
 that you can hide from,
 that you can let control
 without being in control--

A summer at Milburn Place
 Once again it was that time of year,
 To plant, to mow, to set the dogs in rear.
 For a month or two we would be gone
 A time too short, but for Mum too long.
 "The maid," she'd say, "will care for the dogs.
 I hope she doesn't feed them like hogs,
 as you're so prone to do."
 With that, we packed and scattered through
 To the truck left running in the yard.
 Before noon we were a third there.
 "Oh how I hope to see it soon," I stared.
 Out of my window were the grasses so well known
 That each blade had a name, like Matt, Tom, or Joan.
 And that sign still hung above them all;
 "Welcome to Milburn Place: Closed for the Fall!"
 It had been up since the early Twenties, or so Mum said,
 Left there after the great man himself lay dead.
 "Why do they not take it down?" I asked for the hundredth time.
 "It's their choice, Hon, not yours or mine."
 It was sad to see and worse to know
 That Mrs. Milburn couldn't let go
 Of the only one her heart would know.
 Yet, every year, with loving arms, she'd welcome Mum, me, and Flow.
 We'd go camping, riding, even biking off road
 In nothing but our trunks, something special Grandma sewed.
 Even with the adventure we'd take,
 I could feel Mrs. Milburn's life begin to shake,
 To tumble, out of control, until a smile creased her face
 And we'd have our last summer at old Milburn Place.

 under the stars we laid asleep,
 our arms limp and our hearts a'beat
 ready for tomorrow to bring us closer
 than the yesterdays left us.

The Darkness
 Beneath the limbs of the sycamore
 lies a familiar fear.
 Smooth and hidden does it appear,
 yet close to home it remains.
 Through the wandering paths of the golden age
 one must travel to see
 the welcoming arms of the sycamore
 and the shelter from the breeze.

 tomorrow's the day
 that will forget yesterday
 and leave today for good.

crystal field
 sparkling eyes in a crystal field,
 the transparent blades waving over her,
 revealing a smile of tomorrow
 not yet known in today.
 too brilliant with the flickers
 of a million stars shining as one,
 she stands in front of a sky
 that could never be as bright as her..
 too precious for us to see.

it goes
 master of my own domain,
 slayer of the dragon's reign,
 bring me down from where i am,
 swear my life to being damned..
 drag me along the ground,
 cage me like a wild hound,
 turn your eyes for a second,
 hear my anger loudly beckon,
 slit your throat with my teeth,
 hang your head within the wreath..

left without
 brought open on the East side of the world,
 already after noon and too late to see yesterday
 or the rest of today
 in all its grandeur
 and with all its shadows.
 lifted above the tree tops,
 still unable to see,
 the ravens fly in front of me,
 to the West their silence flows
 to leave the pounding of their wings.

 made secondly,
 is not the cause to write
 or play
 or win
 or create,
 for tomorrow is not made by today,
 only influenced a bit
 to keep them connected,
 the In in
 and the Out another chance at it.

 She sits alone,
 Staring at the darkness of a light left on--
 And another day passes.
 She stands alone,
 Arms outstretched to welcome Death--
 And another night passes.
 She walks alone,
 Eyes flickering to and forth, taking in the world--
 And another year passes.
 She screams alone,
 Lungs heaving, lips twitching, ears bleeding--
 And another lifetime passes.
 She dies together,
 With the rest of the world at her back--
 And another soul rises.

 grab on and let us fly
 through the skies and through the lives
 a thousand others have given up.
 take my hand and close it on your own,
 never to let go
 until the days cease and the nights reign--
 even then our kiss will hold us close.
 part the clouds
 and bring down the rain,
 we're the ones to adore--
 race with the wind
 and send forth the thunder,
 we're the ones to adore.

behind the stars
 staring at the sun
 from the otherside of heaven,
 i can see the world in a different light
 and i can touch the stars without being burnt.

i love you
 when words mean more
 than touching her ever could
 there's nothing to say
 except "i love you"
 until the words fade
 and the time passes
 to spell another "goodbye"

 so i sit
 and i stare
 at the sun
 to see the rays
 that everyone talks about
 and i wait for the moon
 that everyone pledges to--
 nothing comes
 and nothing leaves,
 but the day grows darker
 and the night grows brighter,
 with a few charms in the sky
 to keep me company;
 a few candles in the water
 to keep me warm.
 night after day,
 day after night,
 it stays the same
 and then i realize
 that it's not the view
 that's so striking,
 but the thought that tomorrow
 but doesn't
 until you want it to--
 until you
 are ready
 for it to be seen.

my last summer
 nothing's better than has been
 nothing's farther than has been seen
 nothing's sweeter than has been seen by you
 in the mirror
 that last summer we were,
 that last summer we were.
 nothing's gone, it just leaves;
 to say good-bye is a mockery
 of everything we've had
 and the abruptness that the end came.
 when i remember,
 i see your face--
 but not forgotten,
 but still sharp to the eye.
 vision's different when you view it from behind
 and not in front,
 not skewered by passion,
 or yearn.
 it's clearer,
 though changed;
 it's brighter,
 though 50/50;
 it's painful,
 though easier on the heart...
 i venture to look
 out of the frosted window
 and i see
 all that i missed
 by the changing of the seasons
 and the farewells of yesterday.

 my mind isn't really my own,
 it's the compilation of years of opinions
 based solely on the reversal of the truth
 my actions aren't really my own,
 they're the manipulation of a body
 never meant to succeed.
 what is mine is yours,
 not by choice..
 but by nature.

 from the inside,
 i view the fleshy glass
 with its crusted,
 white wounds,
 a jagged knife thrusts upward,
 as the newly-formed scars disappear,
 to say
 the pain is unknown
 and only in the watcher's eyes.
 when blade is pulled from the burial,
 the victim jerks,
 screaming with horror
 until the incision's filled
 and the stabbing continues.

 a year had passed
 since the leaves ceased falling
 and the ground mirrored the sky--
 a year of journeys not yet ended,
 of blossoms still blooming,
 of old man winter in his slumber
 before another waking came,
 of an old dog barking
 at the squirrel he's never seen,
 of boys playing in the road
 until the old car comes...
 of laughter
 over nothing important,
 just another parlor joke stolen
 from another ragged magazine
 found brushing the ground with its pages.
 a year had passed
 when i returned
 to see everything changed...
 the blossoms withered,
 winter darkened,
 the dog seemed too close to death
 to be around much longer,
 the boys stopped playing,
 the magazine became just another paper
 rolling along,
 waiting for its turn to be buried.
 yet nothing was different--
 just me.

by the dawn
 below the clouds
 that separate heaven and my eyes,
 i stand.
 my mind in the air,
 my arms by the side,
 i stand.
 rolling water fighting at my feet,
 the day breaking and the night falling,
 i stand.
 years coming,
 centuries leaving,
 i stand.
 hercules failing,
 atlantis sinking,
 i stand.
 the moon changing,
 methuselah dying,
 i stand.
 daylight crashing,
 the brightness ceasing,
 i stand.
 moonlight fading,
 the darkness leaving,
 i stand--
 yet together
 with everything
 and everyone--
 i stand.

ode to the halls
 cough drops--
 sliding their way down
 to sooth whatever it is
 that's grasping at my lungs
 and drawing air in,
 but everything else out.
 a lung,
 perfectly preserved
 in the blackness i've let it turn into,
 slaps at the ground
 as it's thrust from my body.
 then again,
 it's all in my mind.
 that lung?
 it's really another ball of mucus
 that didn't belong anyways.
 that pain?
 it's really another leftover
 from a cold not yet completely healed.
 the cure?
 another halls from my pocket.

beneath the stairs
 beneath the stairs
 i sit and wait
 for you to come along
 and take me away
 from this hell
 from this insanity
 and to hold me
 and to show me
 what life really is--
 what life should be about--
 what everything's for
 without mention of what's happened
 or what's been wrong
 but only of what could be
 and how long it will last–
 beyond the clutches of this world
 is where we'll be
 forever and eternal.

my own sound
 running far from everything,
 my steps beating against the sand
 with each flare and each stroke of the bass,
 my arms fly wide
 and your eyes touch my lips,
 pulling them apart
 to each end of the spectrum..
 with only you to keep them together;
 to keep the strings yelling;
 to keep the trumpets whispering.
 our eyes see sky--
 the postman's come
 with the idea
 that tomorrow will never be—
 the house unkept,
 the yard dried
 and the water gone,
 it was only a matter of time
 before reality crept up
 and our love bled away.
 still the pounding reaches from my heart
 to match with your screams
 of pain,
 of agony,
 neither developed
 to overtake the silence without me–
 without you i'm still a man,
 hunched over and drowning
 in the yesterdays of tomorrow.
 hitting the turns at a thousand miles an hour,
 with nothing but the wind in front
 and the past too slow to catch us,
 our hands spread eagle
 to stop the sun
 from spoiling our laughter.
 still the firm fingers glide over
 the neck of another wooden angel,
 strumming along
 to the thuds of lovers left behind
 and nights left alone–
 nothing can stop the melody;
 nothing can stop you from leaving me;
 nothing can stop me from fleeing you;
 nothing can hold us back
 from each other
 or the worlds hidden beyond
 anything our eyes can see.
 nothing can stop the melody;
 nothing can stop you from leaving me;
 nothing can stop me from fleeing you;
 nothing can hold us back
 from each other
 or the worlds hidden beyond
 anything our eyes can see.

 stuck between shelves
 of history—of romance,
 she stares beyond me;
 I can tell by her glances
 of reality, short, but there.
 a thousand words an instance,
 each falling from her lips, her hair
 as if to say
 "I'm here, can't you see me?"
 And I do,
 with my eyes wide
 to try,
 to hold onto her brilliance.
 the brilliance of a never-darkening eclipse,
 haloed by those rays of thoughts
 leave her beauty
 to be put,
 in my ink.
 "A rose may wither,
 a moon may slither,
 a sun may fall,
 and the stars may dither,
 but constant are these words
 that will never live up to Beauty."

sharpened over time
 they cross,
 hastening to an end
 that never started--
 atleast not with awareness.
 they just curve,
 zig and jag,
 but moving--
 for reason
 or not,
 they stop,
 transfixed on paper
 to never write,
 until the next scratch lands.

 i sit there,
 trying to make a life
 out of this pain you've left me with.
 my eyes split
 and out pours my soul.
 i'm melting,
 from these scars i've been blessed with
 and the joy that ran away.
 i'm melting,
 from the times we cried together--
 now i'm alone
 and you have yourself.
 me, myself, and who?

 "beginning with yesterday,
 but not over 'till tomorrow,
 my eyes pick up
 what happiness has laid to waste." —
 what a coward once said
 to give the brave strength--
 never made sense
 until after the brave had won
 and the coward was king.
 "get into the shit
 because the shit is what will thrive
 when you're gone
 and i'm still here to celebrate."—
 what the brave said
 to frighten the enemy--
 never made sense
 until after the brave had won
 and the enemy was crowned
 king of their own domain--
 the shit.

missing halo
 the rodent gnawing,
 at my emptiness,
 lowering pain
 to the depths
 of my mind.
 and still i wait,
 wanting the fingers
 of an angelic hand
 to run over me,
 caress me,
 hold me.
 drive those wings
 through my back
 and send me high--
 clouded only by the sun's
 lack of brightness.

 tearing at the obscene,
 left in the open
 so you can pick my flesh clean
 of the years that have passed
 ant the shouts that have kept me up,
 the screams that have woken me up,
 the nightmares that sing me to sleep,
 the dreams that say goodnight
 but never tuck me in.
 the tears rock the cradle
 and spin my mind farther than i've ever
 been able to go.
 the darkness creeps in
 and the vultures hover above--
 my time's come and i'm left in the open,
 another night passes,
 another day dawns.

 so perfect and blue,
 our minds one, but our hearts two
 lifted into the clouds
 by expectations and
 never seeing the repercussions
 of a thousand lies
 said each day
 and felt each night
 as we lay,
 but staring
 at the ceiling
 and away
 from anything we've tried to keep real.
 we sit and wait
 for the day to come
 when we can say
 that it's over and we're done
 but it'll never happen--
 it'll never go away,
 we'll never see the truth
 until it's too late
 and we're already split in two.
 still we look to the stars
 to tell us where we are
 but we'll never see the future
 looking at things so far away.
 nothing left to say,
 it's time to go
 and leave the deal--
 or maybe we can fix it later,
 sleep on it tonight.
 we sit and wait
 for the day to come
 when we can say
 that it's over and we're done
 but it'll never happen--
 it'll never go away,
 we'll never see the truth
 until it's too late
 and we're already split in two.

drunken lullabies
 just let me go
 and let me see for myself
 why they call the sun bright
 why they refer to darkness as night
 why they say school is fun,
 drugs are bad,
 guns kill,
 and rivers flood.
 why the guitars ring,
 the mothers worry,
 and the other children scream.
 why do the fields bloom
 and the flowers wilt?
 why do the friends leave
 and the dogs yelp?
 why do the people float away
 and the sun still comes?
 why do the cats fight
 and the castles fall?
 why do the birds fly
 and the crystals break?
 why does life begin
 and why does life let life end?

 nothing can change the way
 i look at you,
 you look back at me,
 the pain we went through
 or the unrequited torture
 we gave but never received.
 the pit of anger,
 the claws of jealousy,
 the twitch of tomorrow--
 nothing can change the way
 i feel for you,
 you feel for me,
 the tears we drowned in
 or the shadow of yesterday
 that lingers still.

eye wide
 i see life differently.
 while they see the pain,
 i ignore it
 and think of how joyous
 the release will be.
 while they see the death,
 i enjoy it
 and think of how pious
 a new man will be.
 while they see the beauty,
 i look past it
 to see what is there
 that's not fully understood;
 the bee,
 grabbing at the reluctant womb,
 tugging out its life--
 the turtle,
 darting through the world,
 carrying 'round its home.
 while they see survival,
 i see living
 and take this day
 to be the next.
 time is on my side now
 and i'll woo it into submission.

follow the petals
 walk along,
 don't stumble,
 you'll crush the stem
 a thousand men helped strengthen;
 trip, fall, tumble,
 but don't touch the rosebuds
 as they lay.
 let your eyes guide you,
 to see where life begins.
 draw from the path
 the way of what is to come
 and know what it is you must do.
 sip from the spring
 the nectar of your soul
 and know what it is you must do.
 grab onto the railing,
 but watch the petals,
 for they wilt with you.

 never written before
 never known where to go
 never let my feelings come so quickly
 never seen this on the inside--
 still hiding on the outside.
 never believed
 that life could be
 this good.
 never knew
 that life could be
 this pitiful.
 given up
 more times than i've begun,
 i watch the clock
 waiting for the time to come
 when it will all pour out
 and i'll be known--
 and i'll be seen
 for who i am,

 it is
 that you keep seeing
 it is
 that you keep spilling
 just clean it
 and let me go
 just wash it
 and let it go.

take it all out on me
 let the scars close,
 let your eyes see
 whatever it is
 you lost to me.

growing pains
 you slipped,
 but you still broke
 anything you were afraid of losing to.
 they'll all pick,
 but who gives a shit?
 they're the same kids
 that went to East,
 while you're the one
 on the street
 living your life,
 not following your shadow,
 lingering in the past,
 in the rank
 of the food chain,
 but living on your own
 even with your family.
 let it slide,
 they'll be the ones to trip.

take me
 last day out,
 never givin' up
 on being with you.
 take that pride
 and shove it down the drain.
 take your hand
 and put it in mine.
 take off those glasses
 and see the world
 as bright as it should be.
 let your hair down,
 let your smile grow,
 feel the wind
 and take it all in,
 the sights and sounds,
 the merry-go-rounds
 of our hearts,
 growing bolder,
 pumpin' to our minds
 everything we've felt
 forever and a day.
 let me hold you,
 let me know you,
 let me become you,
 never give in.
 why walk away, baby?
 why touch the sky?
 just hold on for the ride, lovely
 and we'll go high--er
 than the stars,
 than the darkness,
 'till we break through
 and rock this shithole
 for all it's worth--
 take my hand
 let us fly
 let us forget why
 we ever stayed,
 let us forget why
 we let it go
 until today.

one eye closed
 as we scoot along,
 i listen.
 i listen to his mind
 as it rings aloud
 the thoughts of life and death.
 his voice rhythmic,
 shouts deep into my own,
 causing them to echo
 a silent retreat.
 my ideals changed,
 we continue through the night.

 raise your eyes,
 lifting my heart;
 part your lips,
 creasing my own;
 stand and turn,
 shifting my gaze;
 and i'm dreaming,
 and i'm flying.

 the tear,
 showing what need not be seen,
 grows colder
 as the sun wraps 'round.
 a natural bandaid
 in a pit of fat,
 crispy to the touch
 and still tender inside.

 to this closed room
 with a single ray
 from a full moon
 burning through the window—
 a pinhole-sized savior
 that breaks through my dreams,
 lifting me to the door
 with the key at my feet.
 i still can't reach it,
 my hands crawling along the floor
 to grasp it,
 but it slips away.
 and so i stay in this room,
 this hell,
 this blackened,
 my angel tomorrow,
 my satan today.

standing behind you
 standing behind you,
 i reach for your hands,
 but they are already 'round me,
 waking me with excitement.
 you lean back
 and i forward,
 our bodies meeting—
 i become your starry cover,
 with my arms about you
 and your neck 'gainst my lips.
 take our hearts,
 place them between us—
 they will never fall.

old navy shirt in the gutter
 tattered, scarred and worn,
 with great holes torn,
 i wonder who was the last
 to have scorned this fabric of ancient times–
 "90" is seen halfprinted on the tag;
 what tree had this cover of flesh been snagged?
 what river had it traveled to lie here--
 to be lost and found every time the day turns night
 or red turns the green of the street light,
 hiding the corpse of the cotton shred,
 but never giving it a place of home.
 so still it drags along,
 from boy to boy
 and from jaws of dogs
 or wheels of cars,
 constantly moving,
 only resting when at last
 the beggar boy
 shakes it free
 and lets it breathe.

dusted valley
 gentle petal spinning,
 falling quicker than the rest—
 heavier weight, lighter seed—
 crashing through the soiled ground
 but too young to touch it first.
 a million more trees,
 never seeing the night,
 shimmer- glimmer- simmer
 till they boil over
 to rest on hidden ground,
 held above all
 as the kings of a dusted valley.

sorted lies
 throwing up my hands
 to block the sun
 that pours through uncrossed fingers,
 i shed myself
 to know the truth
 of what life should be–
 shoved against the rocks
 that time has left in place,
 stopping the sea of thought
 and branding it as meaningless,
 i scream to know my voice,
 i live to know my mind,
 i smile to know
 who i am.

 staring, wishing, crying,
 into thoughts
 of what could be
 of what may be
 vague memories
 of tomorrow
 with you
 and me,
 side by side,
 the fog pouring in
 to drown our sorrow
 and release our love.
 bubbling over,
 we'd stumble
 and get back up
 to wipe away the pain,
 healing our wounds
 and keeping the blood flowing
 to warm our hearts
 and sizzle our tears,
 long gone,
 since we'd be together,
 staring, wishing, smiling.

the coldness of ice
 plunge into it—
 dive into it—
 what do you see?
 not you, but you;
 as broken as the ice
 that surrounds you,
 distorting you.
 embrace it,
 hold it,
 and know you're like me.

 suppose i saw you,
  never meant to,
  it just happened.
 would you wave me,
  swaying daisy,
  and let me know?
 suppose i met you,
  never meant to,
  it just happened.
 could i see you,
  even hold you,
  not letting go?
 suppose we were dreaming,
  never scheming,
  it just happened.
 should i wake you,
  or maybe watch you
  for a while?
 suppose i loved you,
  never meant to,
  it just happened.
 could you love me,
  maybe hold me,
  till we die?

suck from me
 suck from me
 and i will fill.
 take from me
 and i will seal
 the vault to myself,
 ever growing,
 and steal from you
 that which keeps you knowing.

the table
 see-through top
 to let the world view
 what keeps you going;
 spreading to keep you up;
 turns, intertwining, shaking —
 as the wind blows.

 drown me in sorrow;
 let me die;
 throw me away;
 keep me far from you;
 let love vanish young.

the box
 boxed in,
 i don't know.
 conceal me—
 heal me—
 why keep me closed?

i first saw you
 i first saw you
 standing on the balcony
 overlooking the sky,
 smiling down
 and warming me on the inside
 where no one else has been.
 you just seemed so far away
 that even dreams wouldn't do
 to shed a little more light on you.

the switch
 flick me up,
 drag me down.
 watch it flicker—
 keep me on.

 standing at the door,
 the key by his feet,
 he searches for it
 without moving
 to grab it--
 without clawing
 to lift it up
 and kick open reality.
 his attention sways,
 the ray
 of moonlight
 burning a hole
 through his bed,
 where his eyes would be,
 where each night
 that pin-sized savior
 keeps him from dreaming--
 from seeing life.

Music From Another Room
 the center of my universe,
 but still surrounding me,
 that gentle harmony
 of Beauty
 sings against my mind,
 hinting at her existence
 but still silent to my heart
 her eyes,
 throwing their veil
 of twilight
 crashing into my daze,
 shatter every picture of perfection
 and rebuild them to fit her ways.

pain.. gone.
 i sit here
 i lay there
 wherever it is
 i think of you
 and everything brightens..
 the peaks of the candles
 racing silently along
 and over
 and inside
 every crack
 of my barren wall,
 gradually being filled with memories
 of you
 and me
 and everything we've shared--
 every word spoken,
 every night
 and every day
 we've been..
 still the lights grow whiter,
 everything becomes heaven
 and you,
 perched next to me,
 sharing with me
 Our heaven,
 Our stars,
 Our happiness,
 pull together
 and flush out
 any wound left open
 from another time,
 distant now
 and distant always,
 bringing me closer—
 ever closer—
 to you.
   .. dedicated to S.L.

 Say goodnight to yesterday;
 Let the stars shine
 And the children play–
 In the moonlight is where they belong.
 Dancing under the lamp
 Of a thousand ancestors–
 With their own do they belong.

 put down for the 32nd time in a minute
 my mind's gone and my life with it
 nothing's left for tomorrow's torture
 why do i let it get so close to me?
 horrible dreams that brighten the nightmares
 all i can do is sit and stare.
 into the open my thoughts go
 brushing past everything that's blocking my future.
 let the pain seep in
 it's nothing new to me.
 let the shrills scream louder
 it means nothing to me.
 sit and scream.
 run and laugh.
 i'm calm, i'm calm.

 he lays back,
 staring at the beauty before him;
 the stars in her eyes,
 the sun in her hair,
 the heavens in her lips,
 the dreams in her smile..
 the love between them
 and the love yet to come;
 the love never seen
 that has always been there
 to be taken down
 and put above their heads
 to forever reach for..

in denial
 spring comes,
 the rose blooms..
 just in time to catch the sunset
 as another fall arrives
 and the light fades away.
 crumpled leaves under blackened feet
 give way to what is sought
 but dares not bend to show the way.

 a mouse scampers across the floor,
 heading to God knows where.
 its tail, flickering, lashes at the past
 of the times when they were playing
 in that field of darkened life.

 it's all over
 but still it begins to grow worse..
 nothing's left once the sun goes down--
 nothing's left when you know you're defeated.

too weak to say goodbye
 the stars in the skies
 pass under my dreams,
 brightening a path that leads us away
 from anything i've ever known.
 Love's name has never been mentioned..
 the things you make me want to do--
 suffocate, bleed, hold my neck high above the ground
 so everyone can look
 and laugh at the one that gave it all
 to be nothing.
 paradise was only a nightmare
 that came true without closing my eyes.
 i'm so pathetic.
 i don't want this anymore--
 the life, the pain, the burden of being myself.
 i won't spend another night alone;
 i'd rather die than let myself drown
 in the tears that are coming down
 from the loss of you.
 a knife was never so beautiful
 as it is in my hands--
 as it is in my mind's eye.

 Once upon a time
 The nights flew by
 Now I sit and wait for morning.
 With this mask over my face
 How could I mistake
 The torture that I feel?

 I'm so self-centered
 That my esteem has turned to shit.
 Why do they call it prison
 When all it is is an escape
 From the reigns of society?
 How could I forget
 The pain that I give?

 I'll never be good enough
 For the world to accept me
 For who I am or what I want to be.
 I'll never last a lifetime
 When all I want is to die.
 I'll never make it through
 The keyhole to the door
 That keeps me inside.

i'll never
 i'll never be the same
 that time's passed me by
 and i've hung on to the end
 what used to be
 is no longer
 what i dreamt
 i've woken up to nothing
 tell me tomorrow is another day
 and i'll remind you that that's what i said yesterday
 nothing is everything,
 pushing on my shoulders
 to put me in my place.
 i'll never be here
 because i was never there.

it's amazing
 it's amazing to think
 that tomorrow it could be gone
 that today it couldn't last
 that the next time i see you
 will be the fastest my heart has ever been
 that i won't be able to say it again
 and all my stars will crumble
 and all my dreams will drown
 not in the sympathy
 but in the tears i leave behind
 the world is filled with losers like me
 maybe next time you'll find a winner
 or someone who could go the distance--
 farther than i've ever been.
 it's amazing to know
 that tomorrow just isn't another day
 that yester-day may be our last
 that forever's gone by so quickly
 as to spin us around.
 now our backs are together
 but our hearts are apart.
 pull a 360 and land on my ass
 nothing's new, to say the least.
 a fling is a fling
 love is never victorious
 and all we had is in the past.
 it's amazing
 that our last words
 weren't goodbye
 but instead the silence of the pained--
 the screaming of our hearts
 for our thoughts to move us anywhere but here.

 beyond this turmoil
 beyond this plague
 of words--
 of actions--
 of loss of actions--
 all there is
 is the truth that lies
 in the feeling i get
 when your name is mentioned.
 spark my heart
 and knock me over;
 all i want is you.
 from hell to heaven,
 back to hell we've come.
 from fight to kiss,
 back to fight we've come.
 i'm too weak--
 i give up..
 not on us
 but on the pain.
 i love you
 more than there is life.
 i love you
 more than those words
 we throw around.
 i love you.
 with these feelings
 all hurt goes away-
 all pain flushes out.
 i love you.
 more than anything
 living or not--
 long gone or near--
 i love you.

bitten through
 i sit there and cry,
 but you can't see the tears fall down.
 you're too high
 to see i'm crawling again.
 i grip the edge,
 not wanting to slip
 but i do.
 the skin parts
 and out pours my heart.
 still you're oblivious to the pain.
 i can't step away;
 it's too far to walk alone
 and i'll die before i get there.
 let the blood flow,
 it's all you'll see
 when i run from you.

 believed to be
 what i'm not
 what i'll never be
 what isn't me
 i've lived the life
 of a million men
 in a day half died
 in a day half survived
 just to be reminded
 of what went wrong
 of how fucking long
 it'll be till the end
 till we finally spend
 that time together.
 i'm so far from myself
 i'm on top of the world
 i'm so behind everyone else
 i'll be coughing for years.
 youth to nothing
 i'm the one that's split in two
 multiple, separate, but always held together.
 i'm the one you dream about

sleeping beauty
 she lays there,
 her closed eyes burning through me,
 showing me what being alive is suppose to be.
 i reach for her,
 gently pressing my lips on to hers,
 melting with her to the point of no return.
 she awakes,
 the light from her heart piercing through my soul,
 sending waves of life throughout our bodies.
 she is the one i dream of,
 yet never cease to see.
 she is the one i live for,
 yet i would love her even beyond death.
 she is the one i wish to awake,
 the one that will take our souls and make us one.

we said hello
 It all started after it ended
 And that's why I'm so confused
 It all started after we left
 And that's why I'm so confused
 We fit so perfectly
 But the edges collided
 We were so in love
 But the cliff came too fast
 I wish I knew
 What she was thinking
 But then the secret would be stolen
 And I'd be left to wonder why.
 All I want is her
 But that's no longer real
 All I need is her
 But there's no chance in hell
 Why can't I keep my smile
 Why am I in denial
 Of what it is she means to me.
 Why am I in denial
 Of what she is.
 She came back
 Into my life.

   index / flash

© copyright 2007 christopher staines

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