comments, etc. should be sent to chris.at.vpoet.dotnet
soldier
huddled under a helmet-shaped moon,
this boy lays-- a survivor of the black's
stabbing stars-- his hands out, cast to
tie their tales to sheet-- the same
with mind: still searching through lids.
top
good morning
i leave notes tied to your bedpost
to be read come rays unmasked--
just a good morning,
with a promise of more
if, for a lifetime, i remain yours.
top
mittens
how unsliced the air
with heat and silence--
from knee to mitt my hand slides,
perhaps too much for now,
but the sweat slows speech/
disposes of worry--
a moment made to glass
from sand of dust-covered time--
maybe one day.
top
break of thinking
chipped, i stand before you
broken thoughts rambling on,
skipping here to get to there--
can you understand
the life i wish we had
is so close without worrying who
would stand between us--
shouldn't we ignore the warnings
and meet on the tracks/
intersecting our words
the way we always have--
shouldn't we give everything back,
all the words of wisdom heaped on our backs--
shouldn't we not step down
to the thought of breaking?
top
the lights, how they rub you
We used one member's coffee shop, meeting after-hours.
I remember the cackle from the first two chairs-
a deep-voiced man and a long-retired woman chatted
about how he had accepted Santa, but preferred eight to one.
She was very pleasant, asking afterward
why I chose a cane over a dog
and added, rather quickly, that if she were in my position
she would have chosen her Milo
over a friend she could call "Plank"
(I used your mother's old excuse-I'm bad with pets).
The rest of them had a burning agenda: find in which year,
according to the Chinese calendar, they had been born
(I believe they had tackled their signs three weeks prior).
When asked to volunteer,
I paused, losing my grip on the floor,
trying to remember every day, in perfect order-
trying to decide exactly what I should share
and what I shouldn't:
Days once spent on that bench,
hands on lap for fear of sticking-
questions leaping from tip of tongue
after a child my age exclaims
"They call that a squirrel!"
Or
Nights once stripped of smiles,
another stranger's hand
trying to tell me where the corner ends
(will they ever let me cross alone?).
On the stool, my lips became loose,
mimicking the rise and fall of a sea.
I would try to slow down,
to let each word catch up-
but they were colliding, sending out a melee of new words,
hand-picked from any Twain novel,
but skewed and reversed to show their incoherency.
The lights. I remember how they rub you,
like that just-cleaned t-shirt you've waited 45 minutes to wear-
a temperate marathon from chin to brow,
pooling mostly around the cheeks.
That was the fragrance to our group:
Electric Sun, with each bit of air grasping onto our nostrils-
no clear scent but the sudden warmth of one another.
Those lights were what kept me going-
I let spill a medley of hardships, joy,
your birth-all coming forth through the clasp of the lights to my skin.
In the length of a sermon our life was clamoring out
and, for a breath, I was merely an echo of my overstocked silence.
top
stoolpigeon
i was sitting atop my barstool,
trying to remember
how i once read each line
as my fingers played catch with yesterdays.
the floor was moving and i kept thinking
"maybe one will listen,
maybe one is hearing what i say."
but it turned fruitless
when the decibles tuned me out
and a hand on my shoulder said
"i don't think they care."
top
perfect skin
do you want the
perfect skin you've always asked for--
the perfect skin
you know will change the world--
don't you want to
be like all those idols
you look at and wonder
"how do they stay so young?"
don't you need this
this perfect skin
you can't even fit into?
how can you live without this
perfect skin you've always wanted--
the perfect skin
that can only be had by
giving up your own?
top
cliched
there are a thousand posabilities
in saying hello to you--
perhaps he's afraid,
perhaps he just doesn't know how
to move on from all the greetings
and take your hand from the air's solid grasp.
there are a thousand posabilities
in saying hello to you--
perhaps he can't be the first,
perhaps he's waiting for you--
perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
fuck it
you're worth more than that
and he knows it
but can't
CAN'T
can't let you know--
lives are ruined that way/
loose lips
FUCK IT! THIS SHIP IS SINKING!
TIME TO SAY
Hello,
how are you,
nice shoes
NICE SHOES/
perhaps, perhaps, perhaps
you'll say it back/
wish upon a star--
too late, this one's falling
and he's in the line of fire--
waiting
waiting for you to say hi.
top
untagged
i hope
you have enough room
to take my words with you--
i
am
forever
yours--
i hope
you have enough time
to hear me
SCREAM them for you--
I AM
FOREVER
YOURS--
i hope
you feel the same way
when i whisper to you--
i am..
forever yours--
i hope
you know i mean
everything i say
to you--
i am forever
yours.
i hope
you understand
when i say--
i am forever yours.
top
cryst hall
there is a hallway
kept from evolution
by sky-deep caves
and iron-clad veins--
where the most sacred
of blind mirrors have been left
uncut, rooted, overgrown--
it is here
the eyes can play tag
with a thousand pixies
dancing
to night-tricked melodies.
top
what's wrong now?
how low your head hangs now
that time has shown he's nothing more
than a midnight snack and you're still starving/
craving what?
another misfortune you try to claim as worth it?
another failure you try to make right by laughing?
so sorry, but
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU! NOW YOU SEE HOW IT FEELS
TO BE THE DOG KICKED OUT/
KICKED OUT FOR THE NIGHT.
how dragged your step has become
since you said you couldn't handle the stress/
since you said you couldn't take it any more/
well, now he's more and you're stuck again/
again/how many times has this happened since/
since you said you couldn't count on me anymore?
well, sorry, but
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU! NOW YOU KNOW HOW THE BLIND MAN SEES--
COMPLETE DARKNESS/YOU'RE ALL ALONE/
YOU'RE EXACTLY WHERE I'VE WANTED YOU TO BE.
how calm i can say now
all the words i've built to defend
my innerchild's scribbling on unmarked paper/
you gave it back, remember? you took a hit, held in,
BROKE YOUR FUCKING SILENCE/
LAUGHED/
RECALLED ALL THE TIMES YOU NEVER WANTED ME/
PASSED THE NOTE AROUND AND LEFT IT/
LEFT IT SITTING ON THAT FUCKING COUCH/
(no pun intended, but if the shoe fits).
how easily i can say now
all the phrases once abandoned
when i thought you were it/
when i thought you were all that's right/
how wrong i was
but only when i realized
YOU USED ME/
YOU USED ME/
YOU FUCKING USED ME TO FILL YOURSELF/
TO MAKE A MARK, RINSE, REPEAT/
YOU USED ME
YOU USED ME/
YOU FUCKING USED ME TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING/
EVERYTHING COULDN'T CATCH UP--
I KEPT IT AWAY, RIGHT? I KEPT YOU SANE, RIGHT?
I KEPT YOU QUIET, RIGHT? I KEPT YOU HAPPY?
I KEPT YOU HAPPY, RIGHT?
I HELD YOU ENOUGH, RIGHT?
I USED THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF
WORD AND MOTION, RIGHT?
OR DID I DO IT ALL WRONG/
JUST FUCKING TELL ME ALREADY--
TELL ME EVERYTHING
YOU COULD NEVER SAY WHILE I WAS HERE/
TELL ME EVERYTHING
YOU CAN'T SAY NOW BECAUSE HE CAN'T PROTECT YOU
ANYMORE/
TELL ME EVERYTHING
YOU WOULD KEEP SILENT,
THEN BURY
WHEN ASKED WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT'S WRONG?!
WHAT'S WRONG? what's wrong? what's wrong?
top
night-tricks
eyes unoiled and left to rust shut on your image burned
burned into my EYES.
all i can see?!
ALL I EVER SEE.
your lines unravelled,
left to stumble down
a cindered blender blurring every word hitting my ear
hitting my EAR.
all i can hear?!
ALL I EVER HEAR.
hands rehearsing with opened fingers--
clenching/bracing for yours to join in this aerial waltz
can you hear my laughter fading when you leave?
can you see our eyes playing tag?
YOU'RE IT.
you're ALL I EVER SEE.
you're ALL I EVER HEAR.
you're EVERYTHING i see branded on lids fighting day
you're EVERYTHING i hear telling Sun to fade
while night-tricks make you seem interested
interested in me.
top
back down
dried and planted,
i sprout my wings and fall--
too weak to fly,
too strong to BACK DOWN.
just touch me once
and i'll snap back--
you're not the one with the wings, pal.
just touch me once
and i'll be back with 10x--
ever had a chicken sandwich Gone Wild?
forget the moments of sheer emotion/
when you'd hand your hate to me/
i'll let those slide
just cuz you're nice,
but touch me once
and i'll show you why nerves Gone Cold
is accuracy Gone Gold.
top
crystal way
there is a hallway
closed for renovations
for the past couple centuries.
there is a hallway
so overgrown
the eyes can play tag
with a thousand pixies dancing
from waltz to waltz to waltz
running, running,
through corridors open
to waketime's interpretations
of what a vision might be.
there is a hallway
halfwoken to the chime
a gathering of children brings
without voice, without rush,
merely a finger's pulling
on translucent strings.
there is a hallway
halfslumbered to eternity--
a child of
close-eyed Reality.
top
my way home
my way home
use to take me straight to the left--
right into the pounding of each ale
as though warpaint was used--
HAH!
us marching! us fighting! us doing
anything other than
laughing about everything
everything we never saw as worthy
of a good chuckle
until now--
what if i went back there?
would they miss me?
would there
even be
vacancy?
what if i stepped in,
slammed my hand on the table
demanded the usual
only to find
the usual is lost just like
the smiles
THE FUCKING SMILES
the smiles we once shared--
the guys! the guys! the guys!
what if
i walked in there, laughed, grabbed a seat
sat down, watched the ruining
of one dozen missing by another?
would they see me?
would they care?
would they see me?
would they
even still be there?
top
autumnal
how open
these valleys of crimson have become
since the fainting of leaves
brought razored rains
falling.
top
de milo
excuse me,
but are you
the beauty skindeep only stayed
or are you
the beauty marinated in time enough to sink/
picasso's complexities broken of leash
or
a crystalized augmentation of venus with arms outstretched?
top
oak
si-lent, un-slum-ber-ed roots scar-red white
through two win-ters of ar-awn's mal-in-tent--
slow-ly, roads form up the gen-tle ba-ck,
show-ing life re-turn-ed as fear sets low,
to make way for leaves fall-ing and the sun's
ag-ing-- the two that bring clo-sure with-out
the need of fan-cy e-pox-ies or tears:
the crust-ed, one-time-use so-lu-tions that
leave the veins close-d off, yet pump-ing still
the cries of re-tri-bu-tion o-ver-done.
--the col-or of your flow-ers un-chang-ed,
--i wat-er them dai-ly, hop-ing you to
--re-turn and help with life left un-liv-ed
--since the for-est fell and the ants mar-ched.
top
lonely breathing
you walked along these halls,
a night in mind;
you knocked down these photographs,
hoping to replace every one with
yours and
with mine;
you left the windows open,
spilling the forgotten dreams
you shed like leaves
all along
this over-lackered hallway--
only after
i realized
i never saw your lips fain happiness--
and now is too late--
the clock's hands
cover our only window;
perhaps you could
inhale,
inhale,
exhale
the words you know
belong to me;
perhaps you could
breathe
to break this silence
and
can you
hold that knife closer,
through our hands/into
our chests and fix our falling
so a second passes
and daylight can be seen
while i am rooted
and you are the breeze
making love to me.
top
tilted
slightly worn but shining,
this angel falls her strains mirrored
by sun, by stars shooting,
leaving them to
nip at the back of
my mind with her souls staring
into my dreams/my nights/
she becomes my muse.
closing her eyes but still wandering,
she tapes my lungs shut and smiles--
she should be
all that brings me life--
making air her enemy.
slightly torn by standing,
her neck tenses,
turns,
tenses,
turns,
as my lips play
along with her fantasies.
top
chipped record
you're the drawer i keep all my lost secrets in,
tucked away from the hazard of daylight--
left leaving a silent request
to OPEN and HELP
but you're the only one listening--
you're the only one i can tell
my screams to.
i'm sorry if i've upset you,
if i've said something
that brought you
to your knees--
eye level with pain;
eye level with me.
how cold
how cold
how cold the white grass becomes
without you to smile,
without you to say
all the words
that change the seasons--
without you to smile
and melt the leaves
to be our throne
for nature's fantasies.
top
chain lover
i can give you the moon
if you take these stars
out of my eyes
and place them in your heart.
i can give you anything and everything, amen,
if you take this smile
out of my mind
and place it on my frown.
i can give you the world
if you take a second
to acknowledge me
and show me you
are mine.
i'm that
staggering puppy
looking so..
i'm that
staggering puppy
everyone looks to
and asks
"whose dog?"
without caring
to take the chain.
top
weathered
silent rock left skipping
over another wave breaking fine
breaking small
breaking quickly
to get back in the lake.
silent boy left standing
along the bank with throat in hand,
trying to grab a breath
before she takes it all.
silent star left swimming
in the water of the mind,
hoping he sees her
hoping he knows how to join her.
silent silence sounding the end
to another summer wasted
another summer becomes a step
to another hello given in.
top
older brother
spiked hair, dragging fender
heart's out, start the blender
hold the railing, grab the chain
one more word to scream
-WHY?
-WHY ME? WHY THIS?
-WHY NOW? WHY?
-WHY?
answer to your question:
i'm tired of smiling
so now you're going to know
Aggression's older brother Pain.
top
excuse me
excuse me
while i fall,
miss your hand
and break my silence
without a word.
excuse me,
but are you
the beauty skindeep only stayed
or are you
the beauty marinated in time enough to sink?
will you stay planted here and let me take you home
or will you walk in mid-word?
top
just to see you
i spread my eyes just wide enough
to see you there
there infront of me--
a winged spectacle.
i wish the crowds would close in
so our hands could meet,
hug, hold,
and smile.
i wish the night would come faster
so you wouldn't have to look out
and see me standing--
so you could use your imagination
and let me know if i'm anything close.
top
seeing
sifting through these images
dotted with color,
i can see her face
outlined in thin black,
tilting her head back,
grabbing her stomach,
laughing out loud
to the point of exhaustion,
reminding me why
every day is worth waking
reminding me why
seeing is believing.
top
familiars
rolled between your fingers,
the subtle crimples hurting
but not enough to shine,
i see your smile turning
as my back becomes my side
becomes my face becomes my side becomes my back.
held in to your palm,
the subtle wrinkles showing
but not enough to hurt,
i see your eyes walking
from time to now to him,
from time to me to now.
dropped into your lips,
you move your fingers
to your hair;
spiking,
then falling,
you laugh--
i wait
for tomorrow's cousin
to unpack a dampened celebration
gone on too long to not stop the breath.
smoothened by your grasps of rube,
the comfort slightly twitched
to build immunity,
i close my eyes beyond you,
reaching for the inevitable
to help the rush of its mark.
how old is she
when our familiars become moments lost returned,
left staggering down a well-paved highway
hitching their way home until walking
became faster?
how old is she
when our words finally fall
between the cracks of well-lackered floorboards
holding us above the dirt,
holding us above the sunsets,
holding us to our sides:
well-worn but since dusted over?
top
when twopence becomes a pound
i am that unnamed building
we stroll by but never really see--
the stained bricks laid a thousand years ago
and left without a way of crumbling back home.
i am that unnamed building
standing in the storm
but waving to the nearest god
to strike me down.
i am that unnamed building
hidden infront of the others--
frequented but never entered,
known but never known.
i am that unnamed building
that has become inevitability's model
of every imperfection
and every subtley
falling but not yet fallen--
for who could tear what is not even sewn?
top
tweazer
the world has turned
from left to right,
just enough to let me know
that i'll be alone tonight.
spiked hair and velvet robes,
just the smile i was looking for
before you cried
and showed me how
beauty breaking
is the end of our existance.
top
i scroll
i scroll through these pages
ripping at those poor holes holed
to hold you in--
maybe on top of those clouds
i could see what you've seen
without natural things
like lust or time
to block the way--
maybe atop those clouds
i could see what you have seen:
their eyes lighted
with morning smile,
cruel good byes
left alone on crimpled notes
still waiting to be read,
slow suns embarking
on another quest to race
for the title of Dawn,
sweat of quill coming clean
and infecting dated pages
too far behind to even care,
inaudible change of voice
suggesting the day is done,
blackened eyes removing light
until all color melts to one,
pounding of a chest
without a pulse to cry--
can i see all of this
and be yours without question?--
can you live my life
and see that grandfather
has done the same to me?--
can you leave open the door
or put the key under stone
and let me know with either?--
can you drown that laughter
with the screams and drops
that only show before a dream?
can you hold this hand--
this hand that belongs to you anyway--
can you hold this hand
and then try to say
our hearts don't know
what is right and what is impossible?
top
constant interruptions
i took all i could,
smiled
and walked away--
with your heart in hand,
i tripped and let it fall;
with your eyes in mine,
i tripped and let it fall.
you told me the world would stop revolving
if i stepped one farther,
but apparently your laws don't apply--
or maybe it was your world,
the one i once awoke to,
the one you once let me see.
now all these happy couples
sicken you--
the type that stand in line,
praising that moment--
the same moment you once counted on
to tell you that everything's fine
and time's not going to interrupt.
top
all that's still to hold
we sat beneath the moon
in case the sky could fall
and break the dreams left telling us about
those sundays skipped
to focus on the teachings of
cupid and his arrows--
those arrows still tucked away,
left screeching when we run
for the wind knows when blades are sharp--
able to prick the skin
just enough to let our fingers spread the rest
and show the world our hearts are crying--
how far away the eyes seem
when trying to heal a wound
so below, so hidden, so broken with the beating--
forgotten until we're falling
and remembered when
our hands are all that's still to hold.
top
sacred and belying
see those little rivers
puddled around the rings in my eyes?
see those little scars
engraved in the tissue of my lungs?
see those bajed people
standing outside the one-way door?
see those little things
forgotten to become the bigger be?
top
bolted
you said the world could stop spinning
once the chair was bolted,
hands were fastened,
lights were dimmed
and thoughts were loosened--
once fingers stopped slipping,
brow's creases were forgotten,
knees became part
of that ground thing,
eyes let lips relax,
and the mind played the meter of your heart
for all breath to imitate.
you said the sky could stand still
if the clouds were rung out on cheeks left cracked,
the tips in the distance formed your eyes
welcoming me home,
the plastic aftertaste of all those frogs went away
to be replaced with the quiver of your smile,
and if a heart attack actually hurt.
you said i could take your hand
if my cries grew louder
for you to hold on,
if my twitch stopped shaking you awake,
if the door was closed
so they couldn't see inside,
if the mirror showed a man and not a boy/
fear and not pride,
if the only interruption was to pause for a while--
that little time between dreams--,
or, you said,
i could take your hand
if only i asked.
top
my own seasons
never fails--
i always end up moving
from this way to the next
not 1 at a time, but with 3 in the hand
walking-falling-crying
each step staying with me
until my mind can catch up
and open my mouth to shout
stop stop stop this fucking train
let me hop tracks and head backward
let me see the ruins left ruining
everything i ever saw as brilliant
left showing me
everything i never saw quite so dented--
you call this truth?
i call it an alibi
no reason, just a rhyme
walking-falling-crying
it's that simple
i won't stand until i can find
every misshapen letter crossed--
let me go back and dot your my's
show the world how the flower looks from your eyes
show the world how the scenes look behind the curtain
up now for everyone to see.
can you see that, world, or are you still staring at your bastard son--
that fucking dented little orphan
still not holding half the shit you throw at it
because you've thrown so much
you don't even know which side has the smile;
is it the one in the light or is that an ass--
the object of your affection,
the ruler of this cruel, cruel planet
filled with morons, a people
whose only objective is self-denial--
the judge of a reject's trial--
got a minute?
i have one;
enough time to write this line
let you know everything i feel
now that you've thrown your back to me
and i've crossed the street against your hand
left blinking before me
and i'll still walk in reverse
just to be able to smile at all the simple mistakes
unfixed with the greatest of ease.
top
where is the sky?
we had five and we took six
woke to the ceiling
left the sick
children dancing around us
could you blame them for laughing?
could you blame them for showing us War's on vacation
and Time's still hailing a taxi home?
what is it with these postcards--
the ones that say "wish you were here"?
is there one that says "stay where you are--
i don't need your bullshit,
i don't need your sympathy"?
is there one that says
"i'm happy here
without you"?
where is the sky
when you're inside all the while,
holding them just to see if life's still worth living
without those god damn tears ready to reflect
every mistake we made for one stupid cause after another--
one forgotten reason we only hear about
after the crimson's crusted and a thousand hearts are broken?
top
work ahead
how can you know silence
with all those shards at your side
waiting for those yesterdays of longing to pass,
waiting for an open-armed journey home
always found next to an orange sign singing
"work ahead"
"work ahead"
--"work ahead"!?
how can you see through the silence
to know they're still crying your name?
written on a window bubbled over in the cold
the tale of a fight for fighting
to keep you happy
to keep you laughing--
"work ahead"
"work ahead"
--"work ahead"!
how can you know silence
with all those shards left cracking?
how can you see through the silence
to know they're not giving up--
didn't you?
didn't you?
what if the sky melted
would you know the difference
or would you snickersneer
at the breaking of yet another poor soul
weighted down by the sight of that god damn sign--
"work ahead"
"work ahead"
--"work ahead"!?
top
if not here were we
we're all alone
in this flame-filled world.
is there anything beyond
these eyes infront of me?
is there anything inside
this body of mine?
why do i feel so hollow
when this wind says hello?
and can i see this emptiness
you speak of
or is it filled with so many
ponderers left wondering--
wondering what else would there be
if not here were we?
top
say goodbye
how old do you get
while sitting there on your ass,
letting me smile
with someone else?
does it hurt to know i'm going home
or do you still not care
about this life or the next?
before these days are gone
you'll wish i hadn't left--
i'll see you cry and pour these veins
onto your own.
you will see what pain can feel
when you're burning with the trash
leftover from a night's trip--
leftover from god's forgotten stash.
can you still see those rays
breaking your bedroom mirror
or did you turn your back
on another once-held friend
whose only patience was killed with hate
--the hate you spared no man
and the hate kept for yourself?
can you still see those scars
i only unstitched for you?
can you still see the pain
my father handed down on me
only to be picked up by you
and thrown into the tides--
lost like our victories
over night and over day?
can you still see my hands
trembling with your breath
in a darkness lacking embarassment
or are the lights still on,
letting you control your fears;
the fear of letting go,
the fear of ever having been?
how are those old pots faring
without our hands to shape them--
how are those old tears falling
without my lips to take them?
you can't say i gave up
when all i did was hold on--
held on to lost and forgotten,
feeding them since infancy.
you can't say i let you down
when i broke my back bending over
just to keep you near me,
just to keep our sand from moving.
top
roots
you're the reason
you're the reason
the reason i smile
you're the reason
you're the reason
the reason the clouds give way
and leave us here
to rebuild those roots
we dug up and ate so long ago.
top
when can we
when can we park the car
so i can open my eyes
smile and wish that world goodbye
the one with the passion
the one with the crime
the one with everything left waving
"see ya, sucker, your holiday's over in a week"?
when can we start to see
the world revolving/
rolling over me
or is this it and we're stuck in neutral,
not quite parked but not quite moving--
maybe that's where we belong
balanced between the end and the beginning
until that hill comes and we're forced back down,
up,
down and back to the start again.
when can we get out?
top
one day
you gave us a day
i gave us tomorrow
we never said when this one would end
so why can't we keep living
as though there isn't an..
can you see us from afar:
one day
we're growing old,
our minds just catching up
to what our bodies knew all along?
can you see us right now:
we're going faster,
our minds slowly seeing
what our bodies knew all along?
can you see my hand
branching into yours
with only our reality to stop us--
but who needs that when
we have this entire world
under our control,
the beach our backyard,
the sky our playground,
the driveway my way
of coming back to you--
everytime i smile
you know why and i
can't stop thinking for how long
will you keep me around?
can't you
see this day
as being the time it takes to witness
our wrinkles fitting,
letting our minds catch up
to what our bodies knew all along.
top
in
can you forget
to breathe
turn up
the peak of
your heartbeat
and let us sleep.
can you
still see me
through your closed
eyes wandering?
and can you
see all those
past tears
cracked/hardened
still belonging to you,
an unwrapped gift from yesterday?
is this
still an
anniversary
of renewing old vows
or is this
another sweet goodbye
signed "your friend"
with an "ill farewell"
printed on the inside?
top
nights one
if only these nights could become one
i could look out this window and see the streetlamp
pray that it keeps us up one more minute
one more flicker from that shivering blind
and i can see your world without leaving this one.
if only these nights could become one
i wouldn't fear the next--
when will be our last goodbye, hello, i love you, see you.. soon?
if only these nights could become one
i could wake to a dream caught fleeting, build it back up
and release it to the wild
--repeat.
if only these nights could become one
you wouldn't have to see us fall
i could catch you in this pillow
and raise you above the stars--
to an infinity not yet reached, but
we're getting there.
if only these nights could become one
i would know that outside voice
is your breathing within my chest--
push me off and i crawl back laughing,
you're in it for now and ever
or so i wish we could be.
if only these nights could become one
i could look over and steal your smile,
placing this new gift next to you
for one more time more.
if only these nights could become one
i'd gather dust from the stars and tackle the rivers
to create our own paradise without yesterday
or tomorrow
shaking loose these newly-formed ancients-- our hands.
if only
i could see you here..
maybe our nights
will cross and become
more than just another
more than just an escape--
more like a discovery of
two making and one remaining.
top
green day
i stood there staring
listening to you whine
and wander-- in control
of your own destiny
the slams from your dances
bolting me to this stage
fixing me to these words
so the next time
and the time after that
i'll be the one smiling,
dancing,
living to the beat.
top
it's tuesday
fingers -- dancing on
shivering -- lines,
smoke tunneling from
the end to just ready to breathe again,
frosted - - candles spiraling through
perfectly - scrateched hair.
top
blur
between these bleeding lines
i spare a few words
for all those brokenhearteds you've charmed
and left dangling from delayed promises
unkept since the first--
the only memories?
your bed/her laughter
thrown from pillow to the ceiling,
left broken
until you found time--
time to dwell--
now that she's in the top drawer,
still waiting for those
god damn promises.
following like the right eye
after another shower,
the others come back,
brought on by bum's knees
never having had to kiss that dirty gravel
still reddened by all those blurs
left enchanted,
paying full price
for another bogus sideshow
with too many cities seen--
not forgotten,
merely misplaced.
top
chorus
hold me
and wait for the rain to come
so your eyes can drown out the voices
and your fingers
can push in our quiet chorus of
tomorrow's promises left to keep.
top
CAGE.
TAKE all your fucking sorrow
and throw it to the dogs
I'M not the fucking victim here
it's your ungrateful heart
BREAK your own traditions
and be nice if for a change
either way
i'm STILL a fucking rat
and you're STILL the fucking cage
top
BREAK.
night falls and you howl
about that time or are you just
sick of the world
sick of me
sick of those people looking
sick of that
twitch
sick of those dogs
sick of the tree
blocking everything
sick of that lady
her kids
those shows
sick of that
twitch
sick of her hair
sick of my tongue
sick of his smirk
sick of your silence
sick of
that twitch
sick of everything
sick of nothing
sick of anything
sick of it all
sick of that
twitch
twitch
FEEL like you're just going to the top
and floating down,
without a care without a worry without a grin
without me without you without the world behind
then
you snap.
twitch
flinch
cringe
tense
FREAK
OPEN
SMASH
KICK
SLING
YELL
WIDEN THAT FUCKING JAW
WON'T GO WIDE ENOUGH
CRY
STOMP
TURN
SCREAM
FALL
close your eyes
smile.
top
six figure sum
droplets marching
over, sliding
like ants on parade.
top
to naj (for eric)
waking up
is the hardest thing one can do
next to falling asleep;
who wants to get out from those sheets
or see the sun's
grotesque radiance?
but it is through that rousing
that one finds life:
lived, livened, clear.
from those subtle drapes of comfort,
one must throw on a smile
and accept the day's advances.
our time on this earth
is nothing more than
a sunset,
drowning into darkness
but found renewed in hours
and the stroke of the rooster.
to naj i say
"wake. live. you are home now
with the picket fences,
blushed faces,
paradise
surrounded by
paradise."
top
one line
noosed,
the ends fight for supremecy--
a line of history,
enfolding and creasing;
coming together.
top
tied
i tie this knot
with blunt intricasies;
rip these threads
and braid these strings.
i let the aglets fall,
looping the bunny;
turn these two
and dodge the permanent.
top
can you tell me the time
can you tell me the time
or will i have to look away from your eyes
can you help me find my place
or will i have to let go of your hand
can you live with me
or will i have to dream myself to sleep
top
plucked
for this time i sit
we could have spent
an eternity smiling as
one wave crashes,
leaving on shore
those little trinkets--
rounded,
curved,
formed by constant pressure
passed over through the currents.
for this smile i form
we could have seen
those lights you dreamed of
atop the eiffel, on the strip,
those lights you promised yourself
you'd never let blind us.
for this goodbye i write
you could have told me
to come back to sleep--
but dreams don't matter now,
you've taken them with you.
top
gasping for the sake of breathing
i sit here with elbows bent,
hands the only guideance as to where my head should be.
i sit here as the scabs pull,
wanting to be released
without want of saying goodbye-
just like those nights.
if the land were soft
i wouldn't be bruised so much,
but i'm stuck here with bloody palms--
the only protection from failing.
this table seems colder now,
as though it never had life,
just wasted its time with nursery rhymes--
the type that teach a lesson
only if spelled out.
can this be all or am i blinded by
those hilltop dreams flushed away
when death came calling
and you left me here.
can this moment
be any heavier
or am i just gasping for the sake of breathing?
will these scars on my knees still swim in crimson-thick melodies
or will you reach back here for me
and tell me everything's okay
top
this skin
these eyes have dried
and here i lie
surrounded by those times
we forged our names
and got by with murder--
of our hearts.
with these veins i do bleed,
unbeknownst to you
and uncared for by me.
left raked and tackled
they pump harder,
waiting to be released
but kept entwined with
those FUCKING muscles
too strong to let go,
too weak to say
everything i wish i could
just to release
this TENSION within
breaking through
THIS skin.
top
drowned scars
between skies of splattered silver
lies a man entangled, enraged, encompassed by
truths sacrificed for the good of mankind
or whoever was around to witness.
along streams ruled by yellow guardians
he cries, crouches, stands tall and falls
into forgotten jokes crafted
and situations dissolved.
within the palm of poverty
he sits, impatient,
waiting for that gift to come
and relinquish everything
he has already lost.
outside of providence
he waits reluctantly, closed,
shut off from hands waving
and takes with him
those feelings brandished
only to be branded on
his hide.
top
bare
ripped to the bone
i'm left standing
between you and a brick wall
after falling i see
everything clearly--
turn around,
i'll be there at your side
ready for anything
and hoping something happens.
top
wander
in this autumn solstice
i stumble back home and realize
all the troubles i've come to
throw upon
the shoulders of everyone i meet.
in this silent mourning i will tell you
all those appologies
meant everything to me--
forgive me for my indescresion;
i'll be quiet next time.
forgive me for my impatience
i'll remove the line next time.
forgive me for my
idiocy,
that's my fault
not yours.
top
why
if this carousel
would stop and let me off
i'd jump the train and stumble back
walk in reverse
pray everything could be forgotten
without this crimson smile left showing.
if only this contract would expire
and i could run away
without this pestilence left remembered
and without this crimson smile.
top
the fool
sparked debate entangling
questions of who's faithful
or even who has someone
to be faithful to.
leading to the inevitable,
i step to the line:
"i like someone..
but i can't tell you who."
in the usual drunkard stumble,
my knees buckle fast
and there i lay
pondering the rejections of the past.
when questioned
i bend twofold and grin,
spelling out a name familiar
without an ounce of shame.
when all is said
and my mind is done
i realize the certain path
and begin my folly home
only to be remembered
three nights hence
and laughed at
for nothing more than
a half-complete sentence
and a smile turned.
top
audrey--
sophistication
wrapped within an ornament
left floating next to
those balanced ideals
taped together through irony.
asserted beauty
proven with the first word,
worshiped with the last.
basking in the bowing rain,
the revelers stay to partake
in the life of an icon
seducing the world
without holding her own hand.
top
disillusioned estimates of sacrificed moments
those scars bruised over
relived in my dreams
of what you and i
might have been.
those stitches you placed
upon my crown
to rip away my royalty
still tear away when i'm down.
can we scream
or are our lips still bound
by those thorns you wear?
can i scream
at your LACK of care
or am i still silenced
by those tears my days share--
risking a drowned out melody,
i'll tell you everything in one phrase--
one phrase, one grasp
of your hand
and i'll tell you about those smiles
you always see
from me.
hi/hello
i'm chris
and you are
the most
beautiful of god's great arts
and i want nothing more
than to tell you
all of those
mysteries the world throws on us
and pray we figure them out
together.
top
nc 33 east
let us travel those back roads,
like Hideaway Lane and River Branch,
where the names become people,
places,
landmarks remembered
through family outings.
let us see what it's like
to take that gravel path
beneath the overpass--
where even the largest store says hello;
where even we can find a smile
without looking to the stars;
where the flea market
resembles a church overcrowded
and even the rebels revel in
the calm of harmony.
let us find ourselves in
those deadends left winding
down the sides of a pond
where all those traditions meet,
say farewell,
and wait until tomorrow--
when the child's child
can pass on the secrets of clarity
lost through
losing ourselves.
top
wandering sorceress
she slivers through
the lives of unenchantment,
leaving behind
thoughts left passed by.
her eyes crystal--
clear with scorched reflections--
let in low calls of moonlight pain.
can they sit there enchanted,
mesmorized, ready to run her off
or can they ask and
follow with the hand of happiness?
top
that type of song
i want that type of girl
who can make my days golden
with just a smile in the morning
and a hug at night.
i want that type of girl
who can stay with me for a weekend
and make me forget there's a tomorrow.
i want that type of girl
who can take my hand and lead us home
without me thinking
why here why here again.
i want that type of girl
that can keep talking
even when the lights are out
and our dreams are coming true.
i want that type of girl
that lasts like a song--
always on but never fading,
never giving in to us
and always telling me how she feels.
top
you--
you are
subtle imperfections perfected through
use of humor, laughter,
smiles and crowns.
you are
forever and ever an eternal bust of
anarchic beauty, symmetry
in a broken mold.
top
say anything
say anything
and i'll see
this oneway street
isn't just for me.
say anything
and i'll falter,
fall,
realize you're human
and try to show you
all the thoughts left hidden
left dusted over with solidarity.
you can touch me,
i won't bite you,
you're too perfect to test
so why bother/why even try.
i doubt you would bend/change
for a second's thoughts
so why should i worry
that you'll move again.
top
solo in the background
solo in the background
as we smile
and i'm left
wondering why the world
why the world can continue
when everyone else has to
stop and stare at you--
that beauty never toppled an empire
isn't exactly true..
i use to think you could never reach for me too
but here you are
telling me the same i shout
at night to your reflection in the clouds
can i
tell you how many days it's been
since i cried
can i
tell you how many times you've blinded me to see again
just what life is
what life should be when you're here
here where you can glance at me
and make my words spill forth
if not at you then at myself
to
eventually find their way back home with you.
top
dampened stares
i try to look beyond that image
i forecast of you being
everything imperfect perfected through
mingled presence dried to silence
perhaps i should say hi
or let you pass me
to continue your enjoyment
perhaps i should stop tracing
that flash of a smile
back to whatever it is
i don't know i've done
for the 4th time tonight
i appologize
for interfering in your happiness
with my insecurities
revolved, head-over, and growing
don't blame them
it's my fault for
everything i don't know i've done
for the 4th time more
can i stare at you from the corner of my eyes
or am i obvious again
and overstepping the line
-- i think it's there,
maybe closer
and i've already crossed it
on my way to certain
loneliness
here with you
and the others.
i'm sorry for
not responding to your farewell--
i've been gone since hello,
just hoping you've felt the same
knowing you never could.
top
dulled thoughts
have i found the one
or is this just another
idea left weighted with
solidarity?
can the moon stand still--
can the stars stop moving--
can i take this in
before she leaves and i'm
walking out the door--
my foot keeps lagging
maybe this is a sign
or maybe i'm still sleeping--
no,
i'm already hurting
-- what's that in my side?
belong to the stars
i lay beside you,
wishing our silence would break
so michaelangelo can leave
and romeo can step in
but i stay unmoving,
watching you discuss
other things--
my pulse echoing your voice,
my smile
my smile
waking to the
rising, resting, rising
your torso follows.
top
woken
Broken wings scaling my mind
I can't think--
You've upset me again.
Wake up, wake up,
Put on everything you need to
To look at yourself in my reflection.
Shaking,
Trying to take hold,
My fingers slip
And you go.
Seats back, legs up,
You became what I let go.
Waiting,
Trying to track time,
I can't feel
Everything
I never felt before.
Falling,
Trying to hold in,
I can't take it anymore--
You've upset me again.
Wake up, wake up,
Put on everything you need to
To look at yourself in my reflection.
top
taste
i can't
hold on to
my thoughts of us
after all that's happened
maybe leaving is the best idea
maybe i should try harder
doesn't matter, you're still not mine
i can't
keep doing this
to myself
you're not worth it
i've come to realize
maybe leaving is the best idea
same shit
i just need a different taste
to wake up my senses
to know that i'm still here
doesn't matter, you're still not mine
and i can
stop myself from falling
by picking up a goodbye
and throwing it your way
top
nth
you can't say
you never tried
when i pushed harder
you can't say
i'm not here i'm beside you
with all the world to be our witness--
witness the new day
i promise to be here when the bags are packed
and you're ready to fall.
written off
i can say we're helpless
so long as you know i'm here i'm beside you
i'm the one with my hands out for the nth time
top
centered
unmended,
dusted and tathered
here i lay
next to the ledge, unwilling to move
i can't
say i can stand
myself as i stand,
so why should i bother
when
the life i live is left unlivened,
broken and remote.
this air tastes stale,
unfinished and bland--
the same type of truth only found in
stares until the world cracks,
eyes close,
and tears hang
just to know i'm capable of more.
top
tiles
tiles
transfixed
staring at shadows
reflecting digressing
fluid running
breaking and going under
top
Famous Forgotten
Hi, Dad.
-- Who is this?
Your son.
-- Who?
Your son. Your only son.
Your only reason for being;
your only legacy;
Your only gift.
Your loudest mistake;
your forged misery;
your eternal fault.
Your hardened criminal;
your cowaring child;
your litter left.
It's me.
The one you gave up;
the one you scarred;
the one you
never talked to.
It's me, Dad,
your famous forgotten.
-- Oh. Hi.
top
longer than the madness lasts
born in
grasp of eden-esque, sculptured
presence cooled by smile and time--
time hinting at engravings chipped away
for change of heart--
this
sweated mirror.
top
ray-draped
ray-draped petals,
nestled in the
outcasts of envied imperfection,
bend on
brick-laiden tower
seen reflecting the august smile of
daybreak,
whose own breath is
wavered lightly with
angel-winged balm of breeze..
so remain the tips of charity:
gravity-forced to remain earthbound.
top
Pep, see?
She
pulled back the tab,
letting escape a gasp of
metallic freshness.
As always,
a bit laid itself upon the
lower part of her thumb,
pooled
onto her silk skin.
I reached for her,
taking her hand
within my grasp and
brought it to my lips.
top
she ran
she ran
i chased
i fell
she laughed
the one that
got away--
never meant to be
anything more.
the one that
kept standing--
i gave up,
she left anyway.
no win,
no lose,
i'll always be
the one that wishes for
shoulders left dry,
arms uncurled,
eyes thirsty,
her, that special girl,
the one that got away
top
r.i.p.a.
you can't
forget the times
we had aboard the s.s. sadness--
the staying in my room
for the 40th day straight
straight to hell i'll go
without my soul--
you can keep that
as a souvenier of
the tsunami i spilled for you
drowned in a shower,
head tilted,
you can't
forget your name
when i'm
screaming it
screaming it
screaming it at the mirror
wishing you would be there
so the glass in my hand
would mean something more than
time to soak it up
time to change the channel,
reruns of old moments
caught in the eyes of
all those memories--
your arm over mine,
smiles cast on screen,
lips licked clean
for what comes next
i'm here now,
dried and sober
tracing the dips in
my own body--
reminders of
our yesterdays left sitting out to stale.
top
playground
i sit along the bleached thoughts of
everyday words left strung along the pavement
let boiled over with our feet
tramping down on the way to class--
class i've missed the past few holidays
i'm left lonely on another birth day
blowing out wishes i'd rather not keep
for fear you might find out
laugh
and let me fall along
just like
every other poor fool looking on
smiling at the way you brush your hair,
paint your nails,
hold your head.
i want so much more
than to squint/stare across to you
dreaming of what might be if i could only
stay awake long enough to ask
what it would be like
to hold you longer than to say hello,
goodbye,
good game,
good night.
imagine,
if you will,
staring up at the clouds,
back on the monkey bars,
closing your eyes
just long enough to capture
every intricacy of a hand you hold--
a hand unknowing of
every cloud reminding you
that she's there,
there to tell you
eden was never left just waiting,
waiting to come back when you find your
rib again.
top
is it
is it
sad that i miss you
everytime the petals fly
and the trees fall.
is it
sad that i wish to be
the pants you slip into,
the shirt you put on,
the smile you show
only when you know
i'm not around.
is it
pathetic to think
when my eyes wander
they're looking for you.
is it
pitiful to know
when i lay down
i want you to be
the sheets 'round me,
the pillow i grasp,
the wind that comforts me.
top
Open-toe
One of those up... down, methodic,
constant, firm, letting the waist
hang easily, while still keeping it up.
strong, firm, relaxed fit.
open-toe but graceful.
no hesitation.
shoulders back, yet comfortable.
fingers through hair
or massaging shoulder.
arms swinging slowly
--unstiff.
loose in attitude, firm in mind.
top
pen in hand
Look out upon the pen in hand
pressing softly, methodically,
sometimes even
harder
onto thin--
sweeping,
up,
down,
always to the right
unless
Japanese
or some other far off idea--
still
pressing,
pausing
only when that sharp thought of
maybe
comes into play--
some quick,
some overanxious,
some stopped,
some brilliant
(if actions foresee the aftermath)--
some believing
their work done,
brush it off & leave--
others
stay with,
holding,
molding,
all words said
with unsaid
until,
exhausted,
they sleep.
top
am i not shakespeare
take from me
every sparkle of hope left wilting within waves
led roaming by the tide across my beached mind.
how else shall i proclaim
our yesterday's today never sharpened is..
for can not the tempted angel
find flight amongst the willet legs
or must tapered leaves the only
of this air's subscribers be,
as you are no longer winged alongside
this tempered manequin-- me?
top
you can everything
let me wipe away the dust from the aftermath
let you see everything you wish you were
but never could be due to
library overcharges and given insurrections to
the life left common by infidelities to
the crown/the crown/the crown let brown
over ages left rotted/left crimsoned by
crusted blood let reign upon
life uncensored unherroled by
worlds left circling
our armageddon.
top
if if only if
take your last swig
gargle, spit, repeat
i'm not waiting
you're closing
in on me on me
rinse your hands in
in my heart
rip me out and
let me cry cry
cry along with tides
left forced from sand/
soul enchanted/
unrelentless/
unrequited/
go and come again--
i'll take you within my arms
smile
and repeat.
top
all my life 2
i've been handled/dropped/misshipped and avoided
my thoughts forgotten/unheard/misled and exploited
every time it happens i'm left on the curb n
it's worthless to try
it's worthless to linger/let the shit linger
let everything hold on without me having a say
a say? should be my mind, my time, my dime
spent on
disconnected calls left ringing/tone dead/off the hook
top
maybe-
you want
someone to tell you
all the thoughts you think should be heard
without need of
expressing them
except in dreams left 'long side
for simpler times.
maybe..
for the time till then,
let your lungs stretch--
breathe--
i'll teach you with
your lips
and
mine--
together,
instructors
to our lives living left.
top
out on the town*
"it's sunday night
nearly monday morning again"
let's go out for a walk
follow the dogs
fall along the side
and sleep till tomorrow's come and
our responsabilities are gone
top
you'll never know
i wanna see the halo above you
i wanna see the smile behind you
so why bother spinning
when i'll still be here,
to watch a star black out;
unbolt your arms from your sides
and let me cry
inside,
sheltered from
the elements
everyone else threw away
to land before us,
a testament.
top
to wave goodbye again
dropped daisies
overflowing on the thoughts of her
can't hold in the smiles thrown away
time to let go all the droplets you let fall
trap them in a sack of dreams
keep them there where they belong
can't hold back the passers by
from reuniting on your front porch
to wave goodbye again.
top
crying within
you can tell me what i saw were
fairy tales
lost within the mind of a
child on bent knees
waiting for his father to return--
i know the truth
i know everything you wish i'd forget
all the lonely nights
you wish the world would stop
let you off
and continue on with you on the side
watching everyone with everyone
just to see what's right--
when you can't
even stand straight in the stalls
look around,
blush,
lean forward
trying to hide what you were never taught
so who can blame you
when you're the last one out--
walking along the curb
you can cry to yourself
without the headlights seeing
and not have to explain
the hour you can finally dream
of waking
without crying
within.
top
one day-
one day
you will be in my arms
and i will hold you
closer than the seconds pass
closer than the seconds pass
into eyes closed
wakened for our
smiles
your fingers will flow
along with drapes from window
breaking down the barriers
of sun into the shadows
where two will come
and i will hold you
closer than the seconds pass
closer than the seconds pass
top
room for two?
break open the mold
let your arms drape out--
the fingers of a goddess
meant to play
the harp in my days to waste time
between visions of procrastination
when it comes to holding you
or letting go.
is there room
for me to
be between you and the rest of the world
or would you rather i
take my place somewhere else
and just look from afar
at all
the universe has to offer
in terms of..
the forever sparkles
planted high above eyes
pouring down into your glass
for who else could encompass them all
and leave the table without missing a step toward
the throne of ages.
top
pourquoi
Quite a different view
from the top of a balcony
looking down on
all the rest of you
clinging to a moment
come and gone..
Can you forgive me for not caring
when all I have is
her head upon my thighs
telling the world
security has been found
without lock and key?
Can you forgive me for not caring
for the ending to a film
when all I see is
her hand waking mine
for one more smile
I'll never forget
for as long as I
can see her face
her face next to me
laughing along with you
while my thoughts are
elsewhere--
On her throne,
perched atop a stereo,
waiting for time to pass
and this dream to end
with the closing of the song
and the last pluck of my last smile
as the butt of a joke between friends
watching the credits scroll.
top
petals*
from the end of the road
i walk with you
a mile ahead i can see
our voices colliding
fighting
just to breathe
3..2..
you're not all you're cracked up to be
i've seen every imperfection
you try to hide
with that smile i can't help but
cry too
top
high
break that open and
let me, let me
get along with my life
floating by without a thought
other than
stars: high
and other
random analogies
to different facts of lack of time
top
run
why can i sit here
enthralled by our once was
and still know you want
me to be around
why can i see it
when you'll be with
me in your mind
and still know you don't want
him
maybe i'll speak up and take
that extra chance maybe i'll speak up
and take that
extra step closer to not having to
miss you when i see those strollers
walking in a straight line
out of view
out of unreality
out of my dreams
with changed everything
to meet my
view of you/me/us
sitting together
together here
still i'll be with someone else
why is this is a cat and mouse
with the mouse being
whoever keeps changing
forming into the model of
sincerity
up until he/she comes by
and we're chasing again
without an end in sight
but maybe
i'll be alone eventually
n you'll follow suit
and we'll be able to be
whatever it is we'll think of
when the time comes
top
aside
is it worth everything
if you can throw it all away
with 1 word said/unheard
left to die along the ears of everyone
who can't hear whatever threats you cast
upon yourself upon them upon the crowd
the listeners who can't hear what's wrong with them
why why why
can't they understand everything you scream
what if the world
let our heads stay still
for a second
could they hear you then
or would they keep circling the point of conversation
you can jump in
you can jump in
just let them know you're there
stop
remember
you're the one
the author of your own life
fill in the margins
let them know you're there
you're alive
you're not just forging the trail never taken
top
melted in the 3rd person
i can grab onto the sky
hold on to every day let by
i can take your arms
throw them around me and scream
but it won't matter when
when you're still crying on the ice
wishing it would melt and
let him surface again
but i'm here but i'm here now
can you not let me be
the ice on your window
or will you let me fade and leave
top
curv'ed
how did that feel
to know her tips were
lingering on every streak of light
your scalp/
afloat/
let grow
around,
unknotted,
her smile.
top
acoustic souls
where would you be
without your eyes to see
everything ahead without
without without
without the realism
your dreams hold on to
without the smiles you throw together
at the mirror you wake up and shout at
yourself
yourself you're all alone now
can you see the marks of yesterday
beating down on you on you
you're the one that left can you see
the shadows under
above
around the face of the forgotten
today's abound with water without ocean
and they ask you
can you see the moving picture
reflecting in your own life?
top
quoted
you use to have a quote for everything
well, here's mine:
goodbye , you're leaving me
walking backwards along the escilator
i can hear your heels slipping
but you're gaining control
losing ground to our old role
as couple of the century
just you and me
let's see what we can do when we're alone
maybe life has split-ends, too
maybe you're as quiet in the crowd as i am
maybe you're just like me: apart from your own mind
six feet from the ground
and growing with every note you leave
under my door
with x's and o's who's to know
what "friends" means when you're still thinking
everything is backwards and you're the only one i see
when i close my eyes
top
just as good
you're the worst you can be
that's okay you're just as good as me
wake up and see the flaws we all have
or forget them and move on
it's all about the motive sometimes but not when you're without reason
when logic has no bearing and you're short on your own lies
just remember you're not the worst, just the worst you can be
just remember you're not alone, you're alone with me
top
lost in a daydream
lost in a daydream
you can see me when i wake up
i can see you now
let the lights fade out and your face come into
view
maybe when they sputter out
we can make our own elec--
tricity
city of gold, skyline of purple-torn cotton let sit in the pink dye of your glow
wade in the deepend and i'll fetch you
let the liquorice spoil so we can come back for more
hitch-hike the sidewalks home without leaving a stone unturned but upright because
that's too much effort to check everything
top
offcourse
i'm always the perfect example of a flawed childhood
days missed swinging/singing in the wind
all left behind to bring the best out in me
say the world let go would you follow
the trail i leave offcourse of reality
it's funny how everything falls back to this
you along the sideroads, sprouting wings
still unable to climb the clouds
piggybacking the guardrails
top
all my life
i've been handled/dropped/misshipped and avoided
everything happens and i can't stop it
am i ready to join the lives of those following
am i ready to join myself on the crest of that hill
am i ready to smile and forget everything i've seen
i can't forget i can't forget i can't let go
it's worthless to try
it's worthless to linger/let the shit linger
let everything hold on without you having a say
top
when my mind is free
open the door, let out the demons
i'll be in shortly to make sure you're not alone
grasp my hand and take to the sky
we can't hold on forever but who says we can't try
i'm so tired
of letting go but why
can't we keep it up/throw open the windows
climb down the raindrops
and land without ever leaving the pillow case
top
a thousand dreams
the only signs of life
a trail of tears
leading to my eyes,
whimpered yelling of your name
i guess you're as real as me
so i can't wake up and you're by my side
may i lead a thousand lives
each one to someone like you
each one ending without someone like you
may i live a thousand dreams
maybe chance will give me a break and let me stay
let me stay within your grace
top
avoiding gravity
falling into you
wanting to be caught
enveloped
engulfed
held
placed in your heart
and left to grow
let me let me
let me move through you
flow through veins through lips
through skin
let me wrap you in my arms
cover you from tomorrow
so today will last
forever
and so will we
top
and back to you
with these wounds i heal
everything
everything
you know i'm here
and i can feel
and i can feel
everything
everything
you see me fall
and i can rise
and i can rise
beyond the daylight
into dawn
and back to you
top
waiting for daybreak
long word without a reason
head down i can't
stand
to stare into the sun
letting the clouds pass by
blocking MY view
of the red
of the red
of the nothing nevermind go away
i can't take this anymore
all the rainy days without end
without end
what if time ticked by and i lost sight
could shadows mean there's light
could they mark your step down
into me
top
beautiful today
beautiful;
today
i see sunlight
peaking into windowed silence
if for a moment.
top
prince upon a time
knock
push open the door
see life on evergreen blossoms
dropping hints in the air adorned
with knee-shaking
crackles
of needles like veins
leading destiny
into the grasp of gravity
and held.
top
bentover and crying
why is it worth worrying about
when all they do is scream
leave a note and bring it up
reverse the situation
smile
while you shiver
stricken down with fear
not wanting the truth
but facing it head on
only to buckle under the pressure
snap
and forget everything
letting it sink in
after the fact.
top
his again
back to the basics
head poundin mind cravin
i'm drownin it's okay you're fine n
i can't stop looking but
could you drop the act
sit back n tell me the life story
i won't react in bad taste but uh
could you spare a guy a break n
not sob when you say his name
call out when you uh
remember the same shit you said you forgot
quiver your lip subside the smile and
show me the reality you try to hide but
never can because it's still in your
eyes i can see it wrapping round
taking you and making you his again
top
open-armed
i'm tired of falling
catching the sky
realizing i'm the only one
and crying by myself.
just because i'm walking
doesn't mean she has to run
open-armed and
take me.
just because i'm wanting
doesn't mean she has to smile
open arms and
take me.
top
Immortal Fools
With flowers blossom hearts of men
who fear Nature without reason
except to escape the Sun
with skin unblemished or run
aground alongside the ancients who
never gave Spring a chance to bloom.
top
unfinished
plucking at the vastness
my mind escapes me one more time
so i can't find the reason
i'm here to say goodbye
i can't find the reason
i'm leaving without being here
top
without reason
if only the petals knew my name
i'd be able to ask about the time
when forever was a routine
when nights became days not worries
not shelter not forgotten
when the world knew
everything
there was to tell
when the future was a pest
and nothing gave in beyond the wind
when the skies could see
when the clouds were plain,
majestic,
towering over reality
to let fantasy seep in
and take hold without a reason.
top
dragonflight
winged gladiator
hovering above the crick-crock world
tearing apart shell
releasing
letting time stand still
atleast until breath takes hold
top
perpetual motion
i'm sorry
for everything
i've said that wasn't worth hearing
everything i've done
that wasn't worth feeling
it's not tomorrow that i'll see it
but it'll come soon enough
i'll realize i can't make you move
just because i'm in motion
top
whipped
i'll spike your drink and tell you the water's fine
take a dip and pour more wine
it's all fun and games-- period.
that's why you can snap your fingers
and i come runnin
but when the pool dries
you'll be by my side again
top
sad i cry
sad i cry
wishing life could pass on
let me breathe and sad i cry
top
the princess and the warrior
within a sky of crisp, faded green
i stand
surrounded by the drops of silence
rapping at thoughts never leaving
then
it stops
and i can see
the clerity of dreams adorned
with light of morning heavens
top
too late
you think
everything's yours nothing's mine
everything's fine everything's fine
everything's yours nothing's mine
you think i can't see
everything everything around me
staring back when i look in the mirror
you're laughing i can't stand it
so you better get back to cheering
hands above the head
n spread 'em
don't mind me i'm just here for the view
if you want to know the truth
IT'S TOO LATE
so FUCK YOU
FEET TO THE AIR
LET EM SEE THE REAL YOU
aint that fucked up
i gave up
put my foot to the floor
started runnin n didn't look back
maybe that's the problem
or maybe you are
i said nothing
and all you did was sigh
move along
and smile
top
twisted silence
tunneled fingerprints
digging in
she stands there, shaking,
wishing it would leave
stop taking her air
let her breathe
and go away
twisted silence
why can't she see
everything's over
all she needs
another night with me
top
when it's over
never never
land on me
hold me down anchor to the floor
i can't stand to cry anymore
sprinkle sprinkle
wake me when it's over
top
raydraped
raydraped petals bent on
brick-laiden tower
august in the smile of
daybreak
dotted lightly with
winged balm of air
gravity-forced to remain earthbound
despite all.
top
fade in
well here i am
standing between tomorrow and a handful of garbage
how can it hurt so much
that my eyes squeal
pierce the night let me see your face
one last time i can't fight it
i still want you
how can it hurt so much
that my heart burns
without you here
how can it hurt so much
when you're unaffected?
am i the only one left
that bleeds when wounded
how can it hurt so much
when the blind can see
all the years that led to this
well here i am
forgotten and abused
memories fade in i fade out
top
tomorrow's name
what if tomorrow had a name
and you were it
could i write you ahead of time
hoping you'd answer, smile,
and turn around?
headover, i'm still falling.
what if gravity didn't claim me
would you hold out your arms
and take me?
top
lost in song
lost in song
come along
hands to the railing
i'm slipping n failing
everything i ever tried
was bogus or mislead
it shouldn't matter now
i can kneel on my own
kiss the pavement
let the blood fall
and move on.
whoever heard
of drowning in misery
with an angel as your wings.
top
if you try
if you try
can you see
all the tears
leaving my soul
saying farewell
till tomorrow
top
fuck your games
yeah, fuck you too
all the games you play
pretending i'm nothing
more than another voice
another line to the shore
well you can drown
tired of waving
tired of pulling
i'm tired of caring
while you just sit and smile
top
dream screaming
go with me
anywhere
hold my hand let time fall
screaming
for our reality
fight off tomorrow bring sun dawned
all the flames
rising
flinching as velvet weigns
topples
regains its stature if only in tonight
still there can't give in
day's
breaking shattering giving way
torture for torture
wake from dreams
top
with a smile
i can hear the shatter from a thousand miles away
you go to your knees, stumbled
telling the wind all your troubles
hoping they'll come back round to smack me on the hand
opening the door i can see you never changed
remained the same till the day we became
we
what happened to the everafter
when you're stubbing your toe on the floorboard
screaming everything that was never meant to be said
i listen
with a smile
knowing/feeling all the torment inside
you throw to the ground
hoping i'll pick it up
dust it off
hand it back
with a smile
top
argot
"there is nothing like the elixor of time
to fuel ashes of the heart"
staring at a postcard
you wrote so long ago
the ink is older than most romances
so why can't i let go?
tweaked out,
i feel gone
but here i stay
reading the words
the brand
not the poetry
if space had a name
it wouldn't be a void
left stranded
i couldn't stand to let
my loss go farther
then i lost you again
took my eyes away
but it doesn't matter
i'm right back where i belong
forgive me for straying
but you deserve it afterall
i never walked by
until you forced me to
alone, shattered
how can ripe become so sour?
drawer's open now
all the memories with it--
no wounds healed,
i'm still not with you
and nothing will ever be as good
as when i was
and you could say
all the cliches so unique to us
hotel's vacant,
this took a while to say
let me in again, let me apologize
for the length of brevity
i took to realize you were it
and i won't find anyone else
i can't forget
there is no toll for flying
i'd rather not take the ground,
touch the soil
(where i belong)
what if it went right
instead of wrong
what if we stood still
just to pass them
and catch up on
novelties
would you smile if you knew
how many times
i smile without you
because of what you did?
top
that's life
water on the lawn
skipping/slipping/jumping
i can't hold on
hand in the air i'm tripping on sunday
green eyes in the rearview maybe i should slow down
maybe i should slow down
20 over i'm taking the corners like a nightmare
running down an empty course
filled with circumstance
treachery forgotten and me
perhaps time can take a day off
let me see clearly the sun over shoulder
lost by hour by hour
i stand on a straight line
turn and take the long way home
leaves on the back roads maybe i should slow down
maybe i should slow down
hand in the air i can't see ahead
pretend tomorrow is forever
and go on thinking it's clear
when i'm heart-deep and screaming
i can still breathe
that's all i have
that's all i have
top
falling
standing/saying
goodbye/letting
you follow/track me down
give up/maybe
let time slip by/drown
without air i can't see/breathe
the air around you/falling
top
let me go
there is
NOTHING
NOTHING
you can do about it but
YOU TRY
YOU TRY
and live without it
FORGET
FORGET
me not let me know how
YOU FEEL
YOU FEEL
seeing
ME CRY
just take out the stake now
TWIST AND TURN
let me fry let me burn
let the world come calling
break around my feet and
LET ME CRY
LET ME CRY
for pity of the indie
LET ME CRY
LET ME CRY
let me write everything you say
twist it and turn my back on
EVERYTHING
EVERYTHING
EVERYTHING WE SHARED
BUT NEVER LET GO
THANKS TO TOMORROW
I'LL HAVE REASON TO LIVE
but no you can't
STOP
take my hand let me fall
LET ME LET ME
fall.
top
life or
something filling enough the spaces
i left open the door you walked in
maybe i should have closed it not let you come
latched the screen and screamed through
saw you look at me but nothing
matters when time stands still
i can tell you never lost touch with
reason, clarity, beauty, promise.
forged diplomacy bringing down the castle
grab on to the ledge and
..jump
allow your feet to hit the ground
smile widely
fall/buckle at the knees they can't see you're
..alive
throw up your arms get use to the view
take your own
stand/hold it now they can't see you're
..alive.
top
say to say
i can sit and stare
into the darkness
know that you're looking back
and smile.
perhaps the greatest thing
the night ever gave us
was enough time to think of tomorrow
without today in the way.
----
say to say all i do is watch
every movement of your hips
making the sheets
dance.
turn world upside
breathe three times..
i can lay back down
take your hand
and smile.
close my eyes
to see your own
crisp green with freckled brown
ah
if only time would stop to
let us off
pay toll and--
walk away.
forgotten the day but
i can wake and see
you're there beside me
roll over
and grab my waist
let my dreams know
there is nothing worth forever
spent with you.
top
damn it feels good
aint nothin i can't handle
walk around look at the ground
smile and realize nothing's changed
as long as i'm
cool
top
luck-struck
you know
there never was a place
i could call my own
then i up and found
the person who could
make me whole
make me want to be
everything i'm not
because they say
it's okay it's okay
i'm me.
without a simple phrase
to try and make sense
of now
i'll just tell you
how
i feel--
alive.
hogging the sheets
twist and turn
take my side
uncover me
in my thoughts of
falling asleep
to see your smile again
through half-opened eyes
held together
by dreams envious of the day
and where was i
before you came by
why can't i
remember the moment
we met
wasn't it before
life came by
and knocked on our door?
was it when
you took my hand
taught me how to see
that forever
is just a word
we look back on
when we can't see ahead
beyond
beyond the realm
of happiness
to comfort
let blend with you
and i realize
i was struck
by fate's luck
to be
woken up
next to
someone
so so
so perfectly perfect
top
why not
never before,
i'm falling to the ground
dropped to a knee
ring in hand i can't stand
shaking, trembling,
vibrating in my head
i can't see too straight right now
but i know i want to
always see you
always have you around
always wake up and smile
looking at you
you're so amazing
if i'm not the one
i'll try to make up for that
you couldn't speak
felt the same as me
why not why not
why not
take this ring
and place it on your heart
cap it like a crown
be my queen i'll be your jester
doing flips like i did
when we first met
head over head over
heels
top
alwayz
take in hand
crystal of ice grown warmer
with each finger clasped
bring together our hands
always so close
but never quite there
well
what if we forgot tonight now
and slept during the day
confuse the world around us
to stay
to stay
to stay out of touch
then split-hiss back
before we have to say
i'm sorry i'm sorry
drop to one knee
and cry foul
what if we forgot tonight
what if we fell and kept clenching now
brought life to memories
we've never known to be dead
top
and
and
what if the world stopped
to let me on
would i forget your face
or just walk along
hands to my side
ears to the wind
hoping i'd hear your voice again
what if the world stopped
to let me on
would i forget your name
or just walk along
hands in the air
ears hanging low
hoping you'd never know
all the ways you tear me apart
rip open sunshine
lose the race
forgot to start
what if the world stopped
to let me on
would i forget our place--
together forever if only in song.
top
doesn't matter
it doesn't
matter
what you say
you're everything and everything
all in one
just remember that
and walk along
take the skies to your heels
and sing along
with the song..
"i'm here,
i'm here!"
cuz i'll join in
and we'll be fine
i'm here
even if i don't
know what to say
top
sweat
finger to your lips
pressing to them enough
for you to taste the sweat
you pull from me..
don't say
anything
let my love
show from the way
i hold you
with my hands on your side
to keep you here
in my grasp
away from the outside
that only brings us down.
top
of those days
it was one
of those days
can't stand the windows
can't leave your photo-perfect gaze
light's pouring in
to take the place of a smile
you once gave
but heaven took away.
in memory
i can see you
holding the reath beneath your heart,
the same place i once dwelled
on silly facts..
if the world
stopped spinning, i'd jump off
hold your hand in mine
and escape.
run through the jungle
swing from my thoughts
take my vision
of tomorrow or today,
i just want to hold you
without the need of reminiscing
back to the times
i could stand yesterday
and all the sorrow left once i reached your side.
gorgeous
multi-tasking girl
i could never see,
angel and saint
all in one.
take my hand we'll go far
before the alarm catches up
and i'm left thinking when
the blankets come
maybe i'll be with you again.
forget the past,
i don't want to cry
for the thousandth time..
crawl inside
take my hand
if only in my mind
you'd be there.
i can't seem to realize
you're gone
and i can't try
not to cry..
tears over silence
but my eyes aren't closing
to hide
from what will never stop.
top
one of these days
one of these days
one of these days
i'ma hold you close n whisper into your ear
everything's okay everything's okay
we're here n you're near-er
than you've ever been
gonna smile gonna smile gonna
hold you close n whisper into your ear
smile and shout on the inside
I LOVE LIFE
I LOVE LIFE
I LOVE YOU
AND THAT'S ALL THAT mAtTERS
top
everything
and we say
everything's going good
nothing could go wrong
i can't help but feel
everything's going wrong
nothing could be good for long
i can't help but see
myself as the anchor
grounding us to today
when everything could be so heavenly
why do i keep seeing myself as the loner
one wrong angle and you'd leave
say goodbye for good and i'll be here
left within myself
trying to change who i am
for the next time
for the next time
i'm forced to realize
every mistake i've made
every mistake i have
every flaw i never saw before
then you tell me you
love me
and the world swirls down
into the past
i'm realizing i'm here with you
you
you chose me and we're here now
for tomorrow is the greatest gift
when your hand is in mine
and i know you'll keep the grip
not let me go
and we will reach
wherever
everything is.
top
you're still here
every time you
said goodnight
i saw myself
sitting beneath
the tallest tree
looking up
to you looking down at me
smiles contageous
i wake up
you're still here
i can't believe my eyes
i can't believe my eyes
you're still here
above me beyond me
holding me
telling me everything i've
always
wanted to hear/
know/
i can't believe my eyes
i can't believe my eyes
you're still here
with me with me
top
my rapunzel
sometimes
i can stare into the wind
watch the sunset
come inside
sit back,
relax,
replay it in my mind
for another thousandth time
then
see her instead
walking along the horizon
hands to the clouds
lips parted to breathe in day
releasing night
the stars--
moon
reflected from her eyes
standing tall
yet moving
with the breeze--
everflowing.
top
steady
i want
to walk along
behind the masses
take their pace
see what it's like
to be at someone else's rhythm
know the way they move
know the speed they see the world
and go on
top
today today
i never thought today would come
i'd sit here and wish something would beat
within another day i'll be home
strapped for time i wish it was now
top
absurdity arisen
bitten twice shy i can't stand the heights
lengthy temptation i'm still shaking why stop now
ellis is my home now i know for sure
fuck your begging fuck your prejudice fuck your past
it's you that's you not them or theirs
break free, forget the roles you place on yourself
forage for food just look at your home
left unguarded what a shame nice to know you feel the same
stripped down to the basics break free of the hatred
take a walk enjoy the sun don't think this is what they saw
how they felt what they knew they're not here to tell you
if all the world was politically
correct
would you still be begging to be called something
you're not?
i never saw your side so i don't know
but i know mine so don't pretend you're the only one
i've never seen finger raised but now it's absurd
take a walk enjoy the sun don't bring back what was never yours
top
stop
sweet and sour break the mold
maybe taller you can't stop i'll trip over
back off we'll let loose
guns on the grounds
hands in the air
let the fists go wild break the plastic wrapper
christmas day you don't give a fuck
you too just back off i won't pull if you stop
STOP
STOP AND JUST FUCKING BE QUIET FOR ONCE
LET ME SMILE
LET ME CRY
LET ME DO EVERYTHING YOU NEVER COULD
scream the anthem pretend you were handed another soul
top
bent
if ever i saw you
let your hair down let me see
smile widening with sunrise
forget i ever saw you
i don't want to
you think what you want i won't stop you
break my stride i'll walk on
feet in the air head in the clouds
nine above and you're still sweating why can't i
taken another shot to dull a needle
straight through the heart
and out the other side
ribs split waiting for
smile to put them back in place
i forgot the words you left on my lips
still want to say them scream them why can't i
i want to forgive and forget everything never said
but i can't why can't i
words spilled on should-have-beens
i want to tell you goodbye why can't i
lost melodies and i'm still grabbing
for air
why can't i
top
inside crystal
inside crystal
veins spill on veins
split by blink with hand to brow
taken destiny in stride
now left to piece tide together
if only if only
top
within a thousand lights
within a thousand lights
i see your face
plane as day you're sitting there
smiling at me i can't stop
staring into your eyes
top
past
take my hand, we'll have a blast
watching Alf till after dark
bring the crackers take the chores
i'll be ready you can tell
i'm growing up & moving out
you can't stop me they already tried
broken silence & you're to blame
i've got practice so let me play in shame
score again hope you're home
stubbed a toe you don't care
said goodbye now i'm growing up & moving out
you can't stop me, go ahead & try
you'll lose like usual
take my hand, we'll have a blast
broken fingers clasp your ass
turn the tables can you hear me scratch
open the door i'll let you out
hit the ground just keep spinning
you'll stop eventually
broke a nail? aw-- you can have mine
claw down the back can you hear me scream
blinded for the time being
take my hand, we'll have a blast
i got the toothpaste you take the ash
top
every day on trial
perhaps when love is put on trial
the ordinary will be forgotten--
thrown out
for lack of evidence
and yet
may be still present
for the judge ought to be human,
a wife
with two point five children,
a lab
whose only bite is the emotional kind,
a picket fence
painted off-white to go with the times,
a routine.
perhaps when love is put on trial
the ordinary,
everyday,
won't be remebered--
left at home
where the private lives dwell
and yet
may be still present
for the jury ought to be human,
a partner
with a more-than-modest gift
waiting at home on valentine's,
a way
of saying hello
no one can imitate
without looking foolish,
a smile
only daydreams can bring to life.
perhaps when love is put on trial
the case will be dismissed--
who can put on trial
something even the impartial
are partial to?
top
fragments spoken
broken concrete lens
foot falling steps
hands down twitching stares
eyes clenched tight spasms
heart twist closed
fingers flaking shut
grabbing rail you drop
to catch late too late
top
why you
why am i frustrated by thoughts of you
eyes to the floor i can't stand to look
hands by the side you're always there
why can't i stand to look into your eyes
crawling so i won't have to fall
why can't i stand to look into your eyes
top
chiselled
stand above the ivory pillars
of what democracy is
chisel down the mountains
till you can climb above them now
step over them now
taste the sunset
lick the clouds
hold in your hand
the world apart
let thought mold them together
into the shape of our sapped heart
moonlight shine above us now
maybe i can see
all that lays behind you
all that stands before me
top
yeah ok
came down during iron monkey
eyes twitching hands flinching
eyes forward
hands on the candy
mind distant but far
can see you can see there
music dropping what's coming
can't keep up
i'm funny
top
let me fall
my life never
fit together
i couldn't see
everything in front
everything behind
me
peripheral vision
slowly going the way
of the buffalo
upstream without
gills
open mouth
i can't breathe
fought off the panic
gave in gave in
beat to my head
i can't see
beyond my arms
so far away
hands
not there
taken a journey
forgot to write
came back and you
were gone
nonexistant becoming extinct
me myself and i
worked
with
time has come
my mind
can't
catch up
eyes shut
fighting back
rolling thunder
fasttrack to reality
broken ledges filling me
let me fall
top
melody
moonlight rider
high in the sadle
dropped a dime
picked it up
you sat still
i dropped my cup
spoken word never meant so much
when you can't forget the words
to the song you hum on my life
lips to the barrel you're my sparrow
light for flight you're taking off
roll another
i'll be your brother
tap the can
i'll be your moses-man
spoken word
never said so much
you never forgave me i never cried
hidden tween the daylight and the night i still ride
gotten out of trouble
more times i'm seeing double
but if you throw a party
roll another
i'll be your brother
i'll be your brother (for a visit)
roll another
i'll be your brother
tap the can tap the
can
i'll be your hercules.
top
twixted
light foot right foot
pecker pecker
wood's in the working
i'm in the crowning
king for a queen
you're missing what's inbetween
trees and forest
whiteness of a beam shooting
through the fields
just as
blurred as tomorrow
crystal steed with cross on fore'
brokedown empire risking another move
caesar's dead caesar's dead
julius bit the bucket and you're next so
duck 'n' run away from the 7-11
popping trowsers my mind's splattered
abercrombie toadstool
reaching for the lever
head's in a grinder
you're forced to wear the sander
sand down your image
let me see who you think you are
woodgrains and all
on the ball clock's stopped
i'm wandering in the parking lot
mind on the next break you're out of the loop
traffic fought to pass me by
fuck you i'll jack your wheels
pass on the cornerstone
let's all roll,
tumble in the clouds
all along this ridge of brightness
crack between everyday and now
dive dive
dive
dive
into the darkness
'tween the hinge and out the door
stop drop hit the floor
top
hey hello goodbye
hey hello goodbye
2 seconds flat and you're off
never a dull moment
i'm always too busy smelling of you
thoughts on thoughts
piled high i can't stand
all those testimonies you give to god
fuck him fuck you and fuck your lies
forgotten words i never said
you just heard and i still hear
grabbed on the siderail
launched over
lunch in the water now
and you can't stop to stare
hey hello goodbye
2 seconds flat
2 seconds flat
time's changed since we were we
seconds minutes hours
all a moment
hey hello goodbye
2 seconds flat and you're off
and you're off
you're off
get off and let me go
i can't stand a slow song
you can't make it fast anymore
i can't stand the slow songs
you can't dance with me so what's the point
torn between two poles i'm being singed
heart in a blender you can't pretend
it never happened
hey hello goodbye
2 seconds flat and you're off
2 seconds flat
you're off
i'm still standing here.
i'm done
lick the clouds
taste the sun
it's over
i'm done
yield to the tracks
let me go
i'm gone
laid back
with a thousand
knives
in my side
i can't change
you can't make me
lick the clouds
taste the sun
it's over
i'm done
yield to the tracks
let me go
i'm gone.
top
lover may i
hooked on you i can't let go
wrap me up again in
you
i won't leave
lover may i
stay with you tonight
beneath the stars
we claim as our own
jeep parked on the road
hand in
hand
we walked the length
of seconds,
years
to the field
head on ground i looked down
to you
heaven in motion i couldn't stop
came to you for
everything--
my heart,
my soul,
my fingers
'twixt yours
lover may i
you never said no
lover may i
oh lover may i
you asked and i
couldn't say no.
take
grab my heart
twist and turn
twist and turn
cancer of the soul
wish you could
fucking put me in my place
take
all my smiles
from this face
twist and turn
twist and turn
top
public display
walk along the towers let everyone smile
what a nice
yeah we are
yeah we are
russian roulette with a rubberband i'm tired of games
you can't stop to tell me how you feel
but you can tell me how i should
i never said i'm sorry till i met you
i never said i'm sorry
i never forgave let you continue to cry
shoulders slumped i'll walk home
grab the raincoat said you'd walk with me
holding on
to everything everything i can't let go
it's not going to end i won't let it
walk until i crawl make you smile
i won't give up and you can count on
that
top
have you ever
have you ever wanted someone
to the brink of frustration leading into
madness
have you ever wasted life
for them and not giving a fuck about
yours
have you ever been in love
with the idea of being with
them
have you ever given it all
fallen on your heart and
continued
have you ever spoken a word
misspelled in your head and
misspronounced
just because they're around
have you ever walked the distance
only to trip on the doorstep to their
arms
have you ever forced yourself
happiness without them by your
side
have you ever spent the night
only to wake up and realize you're not
dreaming
have you ever said hello
slipped/tripped/fell on your
words
i have.
top
home
i'm not exactly superman
i've never flown
hell, can't even land
forgotten what today was
all the screams collide
mind wanders
i'm breaking stride
fallen on hands
maybe i'll be home some time soon
maybe i'll leave just
to releave my wounds
i'm not exactly
superman
i've never given thought to those
who could be in need
head's still too heavy
i can't keep up with fate
heart's giving in
maybe i'll be home
some time soon
top
willows
we sat beneath the willow tree
counting leaves and massaging time
hands intertwined betwixt the branches
limbs hanging without support--
or were they their own--
without lips maybe it would have been longer
till the next day
woke up under pixies plucked from sea
reflected in the sky and left for lovers wishes
waited for you to wake,
hand on yours,
fingers moving over and i can't stop
hoping you're real
hoping you're dreaming
of me
like i'm dreaming of you.
she laughed into my ear
"tell me more.."
and i couldn't resist
giving her the memories
of all the fantasies
i couldn't let go
even in her arms--
or maybe she was in mine--
pondside romances
helped by roses
stemmed from her lips
watered by mine,
ivory draped over limestone horse
whose aging was definite..
flecked interspersed veins of iron
dusted over the seconds
it took to realize
its length in time,
unformed landscapes
still waiting to be filled
by the feet of children
pressed into sand
and sprouting
willows,
smiles falling
arms round
eyes tangled
tears forcing their way up stream
she never saw me coming
rushing through a field
without space between us
and i turn her
take her
hold on for eternity.
we laid beneath the willow tree
envisioning imaginations
we let run rampant
till that starlit night
we couldn't keep them in.
top
kiss the earth and smile 2
-calm down, it's okay
-just remember to breathe
-pack the bags under your eyes
-wave goodbye and leave
if right before i died i looked up
to see your face before the sky
i might stay for a while
kiss the earth and smile
drag my feet below the ground
away from pain away from yesterday
it's okay, we're all the same
-i'm suppose to be different
-i'm suppose to be your one
-i'm suppose to die first
-i'm not suppose to be alone
if right before you returned to me
i saw you over the sunset
i might stay for a while
kiss the earth and smile
top
thoughts
thrown a thousand words to the wind
hoping you'll pick one out and it makes sense
top
buddy holly
hey dont say it
we'll let our bodies know
w-hey baby
i'll let you in the door
a-i'm not waitin
i'm just cryin s'more
w-well baby
i think you're pretty fine
whoa-ho baby
let's light our hearts a'fire
well hey baby
do you know what i mean
well hey baby
let's go e-hen-joy
everythi-hing
we wish we knew
oh baby
i wanna be with you
whoa-ho baby
just you and you
a-whoa-ho baby
let's make it true.
top
kiss the earth and smile
-calm down, it's okay
-just remember to breath
-pack the bags under your eyes
-wave goodbye and leave
if right before i died i looked up
to see your face before the sky
i might stay for a while
kiss the earth and smile
top
blindsided
worst-case-scenario becomes reality
forced to subside my destiny to see the fatalities
not me but me my mind's been blown away
too many posabilities withstanding i'm not staying
racing for the past i can't see what's ahead
or now
she came at me from the side maybe that's why
i can't stand to be alone i can't stand to watch her leave
top
solo
rays rapidly reaching their potential destination
my mind's clouded/clogged by memory retention
discussed with you the situation
maybe it's time to give up for regeneration
never passed the test just making it day by day
you don't care you wish i'd float away
surrounded by barriers you set up
i'm left to worry/ponder why i'm fonder
of you than anything else
tripped on the last word
maybe i can't say it after the good
maybe you're blind and i should
blind to me blind to us blind to time
blind blind blind to reason
blind to rhyme
blind to my cares
selfish toward your own
some day i'll build enough courage
to walk alone
top
the violin
subtle motions rapid in succession
fingers twist round the instrument
i'm cold i'm cold
dulled pain of knife in my side
hand in pocket i continue stride
walking along a once-lighted path
my heart tempting destiny
my mind playing hooky
vague gestures to the contrary
smile here, laughter there
stumble over pebbles i'm still walking on
smoothness of breath heated by ice
hand beside me hoping to hide
strolling along a torn-up street
my heart pounding mercilessly
my mind doing same
airless twitches picking up steam
grimace here, forced-smile there
forgotten directions i'm still figuring out
nip of cold worsened by shouts
i'm cold i'm so cold
top
decibles
if i can hear you
i don't want to,
turn up the volume
drownin in music's misery
wishing you weren't there
but oh no
you've come
you've been here all along
different tune same trendy song
not another day without your shit
it's all okay it's all alright until you're awake
another heartbreak waiting round the corner
god why can't you stay there
close the windows pray you leave
never gonna happen you have to bleed
put on a bandaid ask for forgiveness
crush my skull again
drownin you out
in music's misery
same catchphrase playing
wishing you'd leave
sappy lovesong crowing
wishing you'd give up and go
pick up and LEAVE
why can't you
why can't you
gotta be number one in my head
gotta be number one
why can't you
why can't you
just pick up and go
let my hand fall walk alone
nah nah aint gonna happen
as long as you want in
you'll keep this sherade up
write on the board a broken heart
expect me to figure it out?
i want you gone
drownin you out
in music's misery
same catchphrase playing
wishing you'd leave
why can't you
why can't you
forgive yourself
and run along
why can't you
why can't you
pick up and go don't say no
just walk alone without me for once
stop taking my mind and banging to the beat
wrap my heart around a spike and squeeze
just go your own way
why can't you
why can't you
why can't you fucking leave me alone
top
if only
if you were here with me
i'd take your hand and never let go
let the storms pass and the hours gather
i'd never leave hold of who i know as heaven.
on wings of cowards i came to be
but with you i can't see being weak,
too strong to hold on i'll never let go,
i'd never miss a moment without you,
i'd never cry,
i'd never dream
for my mind would look to you.
if only god would bring you here--
if only god would bring you here--
if only life would cease
and we'd be still beside eachother
for eternity.
what would be if the stars came knocking
and i answered and you walked in?
if only god would bring you here--
if only god would bring you here--
if only life would cease
and we'd be still beside eachother
for eternity.
where are you oh wing-ed halo
why haven't you come to me
to take us from this reality
to wash away the lonely
to whipe away the flowing
to hold me up when i can't fall down.
if only god would bring you here--
if only god would bring you here--
if only life would cease
and we'd be still beside eachother
for eternity.
top
statuette
when world comes
he'll be watching,
turning around
pray to die
hope to jump
wish to float
see the city
above streets
in rooms
feast of family,
candles sparked
laughter dulled
past enchanted
visions of birth
re-unions/ staying
here,
tucked in daydreams
giving future canvas
crimson
parted with smile,
when world comes
he'll be drifting
feeling closer home
away in never land
having another scene
to remember day after.
top
down the pipe
geared to disaster
and i'm still roaming free
just let the dogs go
and i'll follow you down
down the pipe
down the pipe
up the snort and still going strong
breathing deeper now
i can smell your shit a thousand miles away
and i'm still roaming free
hoping you'll die and i'll be
me
hey
don't worry about the outcome
when it's only you that cares
it's not worth it not worth the worry
not worth it not worth the pain
just let go and i'll follow you down
down the pipe
down the pipe
up the snort and still we're goin strong
top
kodak
take the snapshots
hold the memories
file them away under Lost
and forget me again.
drag the past
let go of the present
walk away from it all
and forget i ever came.
What poisoned years
I've come to known
Without hope for going home
I'll just stay far from
Everything you hold dear--
Me, myself, myself, you.
top
what went wrong
what went wrong
never known my dad
never really cared
till i saw you standing alone,
in the middle of the lawn,
hands by your side
mouth open wide--
SCREAM-ing all the time
never gonna stop
just keep it goin like i'm alright
i'll tuck you in
i'll read our stories
i'll kiss you goodnight
i'll never say goodbye
i'll never say goodbye
i'll never leave like mine
staying for a lifetime
count on me when you can't add it up,
talk to me when you don't know the words,
take my hand if you can't cry
i'll be there every day
every day
every day.
top
you said
you said
you wouldn't touch me
since our tomorrow never came.
you said
white picket fences
were for fools who never saw
what bleach does to the soul.
you said
you said
you said forget what you said
but how can i
when you're in my head
every grueling day--
i sit there
in my carpet-walled cubicle,
holding on to hands
that only let me go
whenever i put down the coffee
and wake up to be without you again.
blessed without the gift of gab
and driven by two-holed shoes,
one in the back
and one in my heart,
i'm walking on the curb and about to tip over;
just take my hand and tell me it's ok
even if
it's not
and you don't want to come back
or say hello
just watch me walk by,
watch me,
watch me,
watch me
shut the window and dive out
grab onto ledge and jump back up--
take this as your notice
i'm not giving up
i'll just start all over--
cry, crawl, kneel,
then you'll be the one throwing in the towel,
wishing there was never time between
yesterday and today.
top
chance delayed
dropped the dime just in time
to see your eyes walk up,
followed by thighs i never thought i'd miss
and hands i remember too well
but well enough to know you waved goodbye
while running away to say hello
to someone else i never knew.
top
graffiti
bringing back flavors of the krylon kind
step back n take a peak at the beauty
that'll not only shock ya but blow ya mind
dont tag for the fun but for the art ya see
just like da vinci i make everyone
sit back, relax, n just marvel at me
wonderin 'hows he do that?' 'whats his trick?'
well the only thing up my sleeve
is my ability to see when the shit is sick.
orange, blue, black
all i see is red when i crack the top
move my wand n bam, the watchers stop
not to comment but to stare
at what they wish was frozen
n could stay for an eternity as theirs.
but when i see the sketch i drew in the rearview
i know the next day it'll be whiped
just cuz everyone wishes they could do
the illegal masterpieces i give life.
top
curbside visions
when i
open the door
i step outside,
take a breath,
smell the air--
wish i was
somewhere else
but i'm not so i won't
regret
being away
from everything i know
i want.
just
rip apart every picture you left of you,
let me see the day
when we won't be bothered again
by
thoughts of memories--
we never said goodbye
to the
clouds we once shared,
the stars we thought would never move,
the dawns we woke,
the waves we fought
just to be
together.
walk outside,
i can see the street
don't know if
i'll go
or if i'll fall down,
trip over the curb
land on my hands,
the same
you used to grip
when you
never
fell.
i miss the days,
i miss the nights,
i miss the little fights,
over whether i'd go or stay.
top
muted symphony
why can't i say
what i wish you knew
god i wish you weren't
you
so i could let loose
all the whispers i leave for morning,
every silent plea
i give to my sheets
to hide my face
from..
why can't
my hands know
stillness
for the first time since
i could close my eyes,
see through the veins
and catch a glimpse of
you
with hair let fall
on shoulders so subtle
they rise above the sunset,
eyes so
far away
from time
it counts on
you
to get through the days.
i cannot stop shaking
with my thoughts on ..
skies,
clouds,
waves,
the universe
which surrounds you..
a pearl princess
with a rose for a soul,
constellations for a
smile,
me for a worshiper.
top
feather-struck
let the pillow
break my dreams
let me see why you are
the only
one i know
whenever i can cry
without a
soul to let me fly.
take my fingers
within your own,
let us come
from now
to forever and ever again
without worrying
about tomorrow,
today,
being
alone,
tears
drowning
all the screams we can throw
away
from this smile on our face
and let go
of everything we can't
know as
being our own.
top
monestery steps
it takes
a thousand steps
to see ahead a thousand more,
a curious being
to find out curiousity is peculiar,
a dog
to catch a fox,
a fool
to see you as anything but
a blade of grass unyielding
to dew's timepiece,
sharper than its brethren
yet untapered by its days.
top
Sonnet I
Hold my hand within your own
So I might know what warmth the roast brings
Or what satisfaction one might moan
When faced with Heaven's unequalled barings.
Say the course of day were to untimely end,
Would you notice with my arms 'round
Or simply shrug it off as though it could be mended
By lips, filled, still gone down?
Through faulted schemes I try for your heart,
Faulted in how a Queen could see a commoner
Whose own breath your hair-ends does part,
And whose arms could never fit o'er your crown;
For twice a man cannot find himself
Able to wrap to fist starting at your belt.
(shakespeare - sonnet xviii)
top
buck up
how can i say
you need to
BUCK UP
GET THE FUCK UP
AND WHIPE OFF THOSE KNEES..
maybe like that?
maybe.
sniffle up those tears,
crown that frown with a lil upside-down,
and never forget:
you're better than that.
top
supplemental
you bring the snacks,
i'll bring the packs,
we'll meet up in the alleyway.
you teach the kids,
i'll feed the dogs,
we'll see each other eventually.
cut the onions
pretending you're not bleeding
from the outside in
i can see you're failing
at hiding the scratches i've left
so smile and wake up,
i'll brew some coffee and we'll make up
a thousand nights i've told this story
how a pauper met a princess,
forgot his own name
and left the world behind
for every day i can't reach out
i wish i could stand on the tallest mountain
just to shout the words i've never said..
i love you,
you're with me,
forever,
forever,
eternity,
never forget
i'll always be
wherever you want me.
cut the onions
pretending you're not bleeding
from the outside in
i can see you're failing
at hiding the scratches i've left
so smile and wake up,
i'll brew some coffee and we'll make up.
top
tumbling race
take with you
every memory
of whispers, of
wishes, of
movies let run
while we focused on..
other things.
take from me
every memory
of the days we shared
out of the snow,
in each others' arms
without knowing
today would arrive.
take with you
every hand we gripped
to bring us closer
from eternity.
take with you
all i see
for it all reminds
me of you..
our time together,
morning to morning,
is too much to bear
on these
simple shoulders
of a
simple man
not worth remembering.
when the time comes
i want you to know
i never walked out
i never said goodbye
i never cried
since you passed on..
too many smiles
haunt me daily
to know that
sadness
could be
with your memory.
trembling,
i can't see tomorrow
without you before me,
without heaven with us,
without the sun to shine behind us
on our way
back
home.
they said once it passes
it passes..
leaving me here,
you there,
and loneliness abound.
i watered your
roses
tonight,
hoping you'd stem from them..
remember
when the night lasted till day woke us?
remember
when the day stood
till the moon guided us?
remember
every second past
the dawn we grew old
and finally
let the world in
on our infinity?
riding
on the rays
of yesterdays
see through the clouds
through the rain in the distance--
passed us by--
laying beside Forever
i see your eyes
seducing Infinity,
reaching out your smile
to let me hold
on to the only thing
keeping me breathing,
that kept me immortal
before mortality caught up.
emophobia
i'm ready to kiss the world goodbye
before they turn out the lights
let's pretend we can fly,
take to the court like a couple of bandits
and see everything we've missed
we always woke in the sunshine
opening our eyes to close out the night
so let's see what it's all about
let's see what is so sacred
about leaving before the beams come on
about leaving before the last one's left
and we're still alone--
just a lil more space
to do whatever we never could.
top
wandering goodbyes
saying all
you wanted to say
but only said
after we let goodbye
walk us away
from every moment
we almost had,
every night
we let slip by,
every rose
i should have bought,
every goodnight
you should have heard,
every piercing of our hearts
that could have kept us
together
if there were a time
when time would stop
and let us feel
everything
we know we have,
do,
will,
i'd slip into your arms
and wish the partings gone.
busy?
busy? i'll let you go
walk all over me
and say you're sorry
before you even
fucked up again
you're not even seeing
everything you're doing to me
does it matter? i'll let you go
on and on again
about how your life sucks
without even asking
what's wrong
what's wrong with me.
top
snicker
that's okay
hold your head up high
pretend i'm not here
as you fucking walk by
inhale the sky
lick the clouds
see my eyes
remember my
CRIES of freedom
once brought me home
now i know i was always alone
heaven
awoken to the night
for the second year in a row,
my eyes glued shut
from dreams of grandeur
always let slip away.
-
let my fingers fall
upon your cheek,
let my eyes fight off
the warriors of the wet
wanting so desperately to roll on down
from the soul-deep moonlight
into your red-licked rivers
and wade for eternity.
top
electronic piano
stare at the keys
wait for them to move
tap the keys
wait for them to speak
stroke the keys
wait for them to sing
pound the keys
make them cry
top
knuckle to the nail
sitting awake
and i'm wishing the world would stop
to let me off
so i can hold my breath
and wait for life
to cut my fingers
from the knuckle to the nail,
telling me
secretly
that tomorrow won't be coming
not the way it should
or i
wish it would.
lot of impossibilities
when it comes to dreaming,
maybe this is another.
top
hello, dear
well
i wake up in a sweat,
arm's been taken over,
heart's been mended
and i'm
closing my eyes
wishing the world could know
what this
peace
is like
without a smile
i couldn't bear it
without a kiss good DAY
i couldn't bear it
without a
match struck on my life
i couldn't bare
a
MINUTE
without you
and i know you
feel
the
same.
why
you sit there and cry
about every misfortune
WE left behind,
every loss of words
for wandering
yet
you go and do the same
expecting sympathy
where you'd never say goodbye.
let these words
rip
through
the rain
i never saw before..
the smiles
i wish i never
saw before.
top
maybe
somewhere
i'll find
something
i've never seen.
somewhere
i'll feel
something
i've let get away.
somewhere
over
something
i'll know i never left
what was never started..
LIFE
is what she gave me
LOVE
is what i wish i had
FAITH
is what i lack the most
FAKE
is what i call myself
when i'm not
REAL
al-i-ty
is something i'll never know
because my
LIFE
is nothing i see it could be.
top
unsent
to the ceiling they stand,
ripped apart by shaking hands,
torn open by well-watered eyes
yet still they stay,
a reminder of once felt
feelings
for him, or her,
or of the word.
top
memories
soft rust glides on empty memories;
my hands lift themselves
to hold my head above the world,
trying to make sense from cents;
the down open up for sake of help
but come to see
the soles don't come around
until they can't hold their hearts.
top
ballet in the lobby
finger in the air,
hand to the side
and arms outstretched to let us in;
sitting on the bus
and watchin the incrowd play alone,
everyone else loungin around
lifeless as usual is the way they hang,
but the happies are content
in waving to the goodbyes,
welcoming the hellos
and taking in anyone willing
to enjoy
themselves.
top
sung
everytime i sit down to write
another phrase pops up
from a song sung so many times
you'd wish it'd lose its meaning--
but never does.
if there were a way to memorize
everything we want,
i wouldn't,
just to be able to relive
all the pain again
and say to myself
for the thousandth time
"i told you so,
but you wouldn't listen
until you knew i was right.";
just to be able to relive
all the happiness
and say to myself
for the thousandth time
"i never thought it'd happen,
but i guess they were right..
whoever it was
that said 'happiness isn't a dream
if you can wake up for it'."
self
wonder-balled and snowed in for the first time in my
life
blows but i stick around just to know that it can get worse.
if there was life somewhere other than this shithole
i hope
they'll stay there so we can wallow in our own self-loathing,
self-hating,
self-promoting
that never gets the true cost of life,
love.
this isn't a freestyle or a
rant
just another shpeel about how nothing works out
when you're ending the end but can't find the off switch,
when you're leaving for good but can't start the car,
when you're saying you'll never be the same
with the same skin on you had before.
if
life
was any better,
i'd shoot myself for fear i might like it,
but i'm not that stupid
right?
it's not like everyday woes will keep me clean
from being my own,
but i'd rather it be me
than it be you.
(pink - dear diary)
self-hatred with a smile :]
top
night to day
if night turns to meet day
before i come home
know i meant
to see you first.
top
never seen
never seen my own face
within the mirror
just looked around
and saw the illusions
everyone else
fucking saw
that life is nothing
if you're not you
and
i'm not me,
i'm who you
all
wanted me to become
and i'm tired
of living this way
and that
just depending on
who you are
and who i'm not
so
they tell me
to be myself
but i'm not sure
if that's this way or that
because
i'm not me,
i'm who you
all
wanted me to become
and i'm tired
of it
so
go to hell
and bring me back a
welcome home basket,
take your thoughts
and keep them just that,
remove your head
from my ass
and breathe for once
the air you pollute
with every ideal
and moral
you place on me.
top
love & sex
love
is a four-lettered word
that means bullshit
until
you know why
the first kiss was never the best,
the last dance never was,
a kiss goodnight is for tomorrow's worries,
the end is for suckers.
love
is a four-lettered word
that means bullshit
until
you know that
clenched hands aren't the only things keeping you,
the sunrise is always, always, always why
today isn't the greatest day
of your life,
being alone is for suckers.
i'm not that scared
i'm not that scared
that tomorrow might not be
the day i meet you,
i'm just terrified--
shaking--
thinking that you won't be
in my dreams
to give me something to reach for
when i'm slipping on the pavement,
drowning in my own
insecurities.
it's not that i'm alone,
because i have a thought
of who you might be--
my future,
tomorrow,
next week,
next year,
next lifetime--
all too far away
to stop my lonely
happiness
tonight.
i'm not going to lie,
i want you to know
that when you
read
this
i'm thinking of you
and seeing your smile,
praying to myself
that you'll come and take me
from my dreams
and release me from this
home
in myself
to show me the world
and what it's like
when i don't have to look
through two blinded eyes,
instead able to feel
the wind's hand letting me know
i'm
alive..
with you.
confused
last words i heard
"off with his head"
as the world turned
and left me here
to be nothing
more
than another
outsider
without a million people
to say hello
when the world returns
to me
and shows me how
i can always change
when nothing's changed
and everyone's dead
from the darkness without me
and the light
from me.
top
holding my breath
holding my breath,
waiting for the Right
to find me,
and i see you
standing there,
within thoughts from sleep,
and the air
is drowned from my lungs
to join the orbit 'round you,
to join my gaze 'round you.
top
trying to catch the stars
trying to catch the stars
in your eyes--
already have,
but can't
see it in the mirror.
trying to capture the heavens
in your smile--
already there,
but can't
show it to me
for fear
i'll want to die again
and never leave
the halos i find to be
every pice of
beauty
in the world--
all brought by you.
top
waiting
maybe
tomorrow
will be brighter than this moonlit night
and my heart might
fucking
WAKE UP
and jumpstart
to another lifeless day alone
without another person to call my own
HAH i wish tomorrow would come
and rip me apart
tear me from this place you call your own
and take me beyond
everyone, everything, EVERY FUCKING DAY
that i'm stuck here
without
without
top
screwed
every twist of fate
leads me spiralling blindly down
another unchartered hallway
into another row of doors worn near the peeper
yet never entered,
save for the last one on the right..
always on the right
to let me go in circles
over
and over
and
over,
neverending.
top
the pit
you sit there and stare
as i throw back my chair,
fall on my ass,
do a 360 in the wind
just in time to alienate the past.
you look at how pathetic i am
for seeing the world for what it is
a pit of carnivores
and i'm the keeper
sent to feed you,
keep you
dreaming
of all the times
you could smile
without having to turn around
and see me standing there..
i'm
unprepared
for reality
but stuck in it all the same
SO
laugh at me for that
fucking
laugh at me for that
look
down on me for that
drag
me along your wornout EARTH for that
so i can be ready to do it again
and go back to thinking
maybe next time
you'll catch me instead.
top
beauty
have you ever seen the heaven
of a woman with her lips let crease
to show the world in movements
how perfect reality can be?
with lips of ivory let reddened by happiness,
eyes let widened to out sunlight's brightness,
she rips at fantasy,
leaves it wishing it could be
what she is inside..
top
if..
if the night were longer
i could hold you till the end of time,
watching the fireflies flicker
while their distant cousins herd slowly
across the pond of sky above us,
if the day were longer
i could take you across the world
with every kodak moment
to guide us to our next home of the hour,
never letting loose your fingers
because you'd never let go.
if our dreams were shorter
we could live them longer,
always catching up
on every new idea for how we could be together..
if this moment were longer
we'd be smiling till life passed us by.
top
venus
once upon a time
the stadium lights shown
down
on everyone chanting..
not a moment passed
they didnt wish to be
anywhere
anywhere but
between the crowds
tossing them up like coins
hoping they'd land
tails
down.
head up
and they ran
from every taunt,
every nudge,
every microscopic pot
waiting to boil over.
landing on the light side of the moon,
they looked to venus
to see what eden was like--
solitary.
top
3rd person
staring at a picture
from a thousand moons ago
and i can't make out the view,
i think it's from the 3rd
because of how
distant
i am
from everything in site..
the snow-bare hilltops,
the sandles left by a river dried still,
the heart on floor
left to die on its own.
top
drifter
"i'll be gone for the weekend
and you'll never see me again"
famous last words from an infamous liar,
but never did they think he'd be true to
his word of all things is what he kept,
not the necklace from his girlfriend
or the ring from his bestfriend.
"you'll wonder where i am
and never let me go from your minds"
famous joke from an infamous cheat,
but never did they think
he'd be telling
the truth is something he's not very fond of
but always seems to come down to
when the time grows near
to leave and say goodbye to another year
and another resolution to stay forgotten.
top
limbs
i can say a thousand things
to let you know i'm here,
but none would match my hand
stretched out and hoping
you'd answer with a smile..
and a thousand different words
try to make sense of how i feel
but none will match
the almost and the forevers
i know are in my heart.
you can say i never cared,
you can say i don't know how i feel,
but remember that oaks grow from seeds
let 'lone to fend for themselves
or watered through the years.
top
circus petal
nestled within a thousand thorns,
a single rose of roses is born--
with ruby top
and
yellow trunk,
its
Rocket
of rainbows
domes into reality--
without gold or sun,
still it glows.
top
like a flower
like a flower
you waver in the wind
but stay all the same
like a willow
you hang low to
the creek beneath
but stay all the same
like the ocean
you crash when you feel it right
but stay all the same
like the sunset
you're forever there,
just turning over
to show the other side of the moon
and let me know
that you're more
than mine,
you're everything
top
father
waking up to the rooster,
my mind wishing he'd notice
everything i've done since time began.
i'll never be what he's wanted
but i know i'll be what everyone else
expects of me...
not that it matters,
but i wish i would have said hello
all those times i could have seen goodbye
come again
and wash away any doubt in my mind
that i wasn't willing to make amends.
every last scream
from the dampness of my eyes
tells me through the mirror
that i'll never wear yesterday's misfortunes
as another heavy disguise.
every thing's changing--
i can still see myself
without the pity of a reflection,
and i know that a quivering lip
means nothing if he doesn't know
that everytime i see him
i can't stand to look away
without knowing he still cares.
i've shaken my head
for the thousandth time
without a soul to see
everything i've put on shoulders let slump.
cleared vision
leads to a sigh of pain gone 'way
as every unspoken word
still spins round
and every unseen cry for him to be
what a son needs
still gnaws away,
picking me clean
of any reason to not be
a son.
top
danielle is beautiful
once upon a fairytale
i was able to see beyond the sun
and know that the moon is coming--
but now the moon has set
and the sun is rising--
everytime
i look to you
i see
everything
i've ever seen
as beautiful.
everytime
i look to you
i see
everything
i've ever seen
as beautiful.
once upon a fairytale
i could sit and wonder
about tomorrow's chances
of being better than today--
now i know
as long as i'm with you
everything gets better with time.
everytime
i look to you
i see
everything
i've ever seen
as beautiful.
everytime
i look to you
i see
everything
i've ever seen
as beautiful.
tonight let's take the phone
and throw it out the window--
tonight let's share the bed
with Destiny--
tonight let's know that heaven
is going to come no matter what.
top
is it me
is it me
or is the world
spinning
round you--
folding
round you--
breaking
round you--
till the flames
of every once upon a time
go out
and you're
left standing
with my arms
round you--
my
heart
round you--
my happily ever after
with you.
top
who said
who said life was fair
or the rainbows never faded
or the roses never whilted--
who said life was fair
or the blossoms never browned
or the milk never spoiled--
who said living was a right
or to breathe was a sin
or to write was a crime--
who said living was a right
or to die was a bylaw
or to cry was a sentence--
i did.
top
tired
i feel
like writing a thousand words,
seeing a thousand more
written on the wall.
tired of giving in,
tired of giving up,
tired of letting
everything
get to me
and everything
taking hold--
not letting go.
top
nice guy
left for dead on the offramp,
i'm staring down the barrel
and i'm willing to pull the trigger.
slightly slanted
towards the time when i knew life was grand
and not a pile of shit
this hurts.
i use to be the nice guy,
always finished last,
never took what i saw
as being what needed
to be mine.
never smiled
when everyone cried--
never able to swallow
life.
i've drowned a thousand times
in tears left standing on the edge
and never able to comfort myself
besides when i'm able to fall asleep
and let everything stay still
so i can take a look
at life.
nothing's going to change
when i'm gone and you're looking down
at what i've become--
cold.
every word
every word,
every song
led to this moment
when tomorrow's finally here
and later has left us behind.
every breath,
every kiss
led to this moment
when yesterday's become the goal of today
and sometime has left us in the dust.
every time,
every almost
led to this moment
when one day has come at last
and once upon a fairytale passed us by.
every thing
you said to me--
every thing
i promised you--
every second
we spent together--
every night
we saw what could be--
every tomorrow
that never showed--
every whisper
heard a mile away--
and nothing is able to keep us
from giving in
and letting all those sunsets break the horizon
for another "i love you"
directed at someone else.
top
yesterday
if there
was a cure
for tears
i'd be happy again.
if there
was a cure
for sadness
i'd be happy again.
i
once
took life to its fullest
but now i see
that every day brings another
and tomorrows never stop giving hope
that maybe yesterday wasn't so bad--
but they're still yesterdays
and today will be one soon.
top
30 seconds
30 seconds
from dusk to dawn
when you're awake
and i'm sleeping
when you've left me
and i know tomorrow's coming again.
30 seconds
from today to tomorrow
to know why
i let every day
become a yesterday.
30 seconds
from a hello to a goodbye.
top
Sleeping
wishing something was different
but nothing will change
now that life's taken
you
away from
me
and let us
become what used to be.
top
what?
ever since
i
fell
from grace
i've wondered
why we
search
this place
for answers
when everything
is infront
of us
and tomorrow
is ahead
of us
to shed some light
on today.
top
once
i once stared at the sun
long enough to blind my eyes.
i once stood still so long
i never saw you strolling by.
someone once told me
life's easy
it's dying that's hard;
but once you're born
you've begun to die.
i never saw you
just heard you walking
and the birds whistling
at the wind 'round you
wishing they could hitch a ride
to the same place you're heading --
heaven
isn't so far away
once you're around
but it feels like forever hell
once you've said goodbye.
top
unf
sitting atop the galaxies
i can see through the stars
and through my heart--
to you.
top
jealous universe
i
looked up
and saw that you were
ontop of the world
as the stars fell..
as the worlds slid
along the universe,
'round your eyes--
i saw how jealous
they were that you were still
and they were dying--
that you were constant
and they were changing.
and i
looked out
across the waters
to see you shining,
leading the islands
in a dance of midnight
'round your eyes--
'round your heart--
in our love.
i looked into my eyes
and saw you standing
above the world--
beyond the edge of ocean
and i cried,
knowing that you were seeing me
the same i was seeing you.
top
naive slumbers
lost blossoms trickle down
over raindrops left standing,
branches left hanging,
eyes left seeing..
and all i can think about is you.
whether or not tomorrow will be here
or tonight will be the last
we'll share;
whether or not the laughter will drench the sadness
or the tears will prevail.
don't
think about tomorrow
or tonight
or the next few seconds
already vanished;
think
about the 1 second we know is coming
after this
and after it
has gone.
plea from heaven
i dropped you off
on the side of the street
so your parents couldn't see the kiss goodnight--
so we can see eachother tomorrow
or maybe the day after
or maybe for weeks to come
or maybe
never.
i see through the rearview
your knees following the tears
we've let flood the streets.
i see through the rearview
every creased-lip smile,
every 'goodnight' leading to this
and i smile
as the years trickle by
and we're left apart
to see through the rearview
everything we could have been
and every last goodbye.
top
best-dressed
best-dressed man at the funeral,
picking up the stares
and exchanging them for glances.
worst-dressed boy at the schoolyard,
flashin' the smile at the lil girls,
dropping their hearts like pennies in a pool
left over by the architects of yesterday
and remaining because of the unanswered lies
of today.
think i care?
nah
i'm just struttin' 'round
to see the world from behind;
walking the detours
and seeing all we've changed;
climbing the rooftops
to see the soot built up
from generations of laughter gone bland..
top
beneath
beneath the giants
i sleep and wonder
when my day will come
and i'll be out of here.
above the stars
i sleep and slumber,
asking myself when i'll leave
and join you back on earth.
under the feet
of a thousand soles,
i wake and whistle
as the dawn breaks through
and i'm left without a world
to call my own.
atop the mountains
i throw myself down,
flying from you all
and landing,
unscarred,
in hell.
top
subliminal
hidden within the images of the past,
the shadows of the future,
the screams of tomorrow,
the whispers of yesterday
lies
a haunted soul
with sickle in hand
and bone through skin,
his eyes set on you
and your own drawing close
to let the midnight in
and the stars vanish.
top
miracle
vague gestures scattered the horizon--
ships wandered, without anchor, over the haze
that once seemed so untouchable,
so tomb-like..
and then
almost
out of nowhere
a tear stretched over vision,
slicing into it
with jagged teeth..
a sunrise.
top
stay
i'd say goodbye to yesterday
and erase all the tomorrows
we know would tear us apart
if i knew how--
if i knew how..
but if tomorrow comes
i'll wrap us in the heavens
and ward off the day..
we'll escape it somehow
and stay together--
stay
where we can smile
and see both eyes
widening for more.
top
purched atop the towers
resting my wings
i can look away
from everything chasing me
and see the splinter of light
floating over the blue,
leading to the gold
of a midday moon
and the journey ahead.
top
a thousand mile journey
it's been a while
since we've been close enough
to see the tears
running wild--
without being held
back
they'll always be running
from the times we've had,
the memories we've bottled--
the rain keeps falling
even when the sun is shining,
but i know
that you'll be there
when i need you/
want you/
need you more
than i could ever have you/
you'll be there.
top
dreamin' in the daytime
woken up on the left side of the bed
far too many times to forget
that tomorrow will be any different
and today won't be the same
but maybe i'll be lucky--
maybe the rays will fall,
the stars will laugh,
the clouds will break
and the crowds will clap--
i can see us running
through the thousand-acre field
in the back of my mind--
maybe it'll be different
now that i can see you smiling
and know that
that
smile
is because i'm close.
top
roaming
gathered posies
over an endless stream of consciousness
tend to light the way home
if you're gone and don't know where
to put the first foot forward
top
first
ever seen someone at first
thought about how beautiful they were
but could never say why
or how you knew
you'd meet them
and like them
maybe love them?
ever seen someone
everyday--
in a dream,
a glimpse,
a stare,
a smile
and realized
they're growing more and more
beautiful
to you
and the world is worthless
if they walk away
and the world is worthless
if they don't stand
and brighten it up
top
without you
i've awakened to another day unfolded
origami on a two-tone rug--
half rusted and half wiltered,
it's still sticky in the spot
where i ran my fingers through your hair
and where atlas lost his grip--
why does the world keep tilting
on to us
why do the waves keep brushing along
our dreams
why won't the world stop spinning
to let us rest
top
wonder
split second ago i was wondering what life meant
why the world spins 'round
why we're inside-out
why the visions of the tired
never come true
why the ants speed 'cross the ground
why we're stuck here
without a reason to be
except knowing that there might be hope
in the sun's return--
in seeing how we could end
and climbing through time
to stop it--
useless
but still we try..
wonderin' why the shakespeares die
why the caesars vanish
why the heroes lose
why the giants stumble
wonderin' why the birds can fly
and we're stuck here.
tumble with me
over the roses and into the sea
from the shore to the deep--
come with me.
wonderin' why the trees survive
why the weeds kill
why even the vultures cry--
come with me
and we'll try to find
why the wanderers wonder.
top / footnote
trickle-down
funny
how everytime i look
i see another droplet falling--
another sparkle fading
from this lifted saucer
and the smiles you flash
but never leave in sight.
funny
how sitting here
next,
but not too close,
to you
lets me see that everything will be ok
when the days go away
and the weeks pass us over--
when the tears stop feeding the seedlings
of a million arguments
forgiven but never completely left.
the ghetto
a quarter breeze passed
to close the door and start the mind,
rippled blades tanning brown
as the sundial's shade went 'round.
a halfpast word left before it could be thought–
replied–
"I live there."
top
Pitiful Jupiter
stars tilted slightly,
hung over a wheeping king
of World,
Universe,
Man—
no more followers beckon him
to change the fates–
just pages fingered over
and left to be devoured
by splints of silver
and Time.
top
forget the world
keep your eyes open,
settle into the chair you've named
and forget the world.
get on your feet,
let the air take you
and forget the world.
forage through my heart,
pick your place
and stay for a while.
jump over the gates,
play in the clouds
and look back down at me.
smile through the stars,
wake up the sun
and stay in heaven.
top / footnote
shades
draw back the shades
and let the morning take us
to another day of being together--
another night of heads held
and bodies warmed..
turn off the radio,
hide the tv,
lay with me a moment
and let it become an eternity.
top
constant glance
spin me
and watch me fall--
top-heavy with dreams of you--
this pounding in my chest
could it be
from you?
your only gift to me
without knowing i exist--
rash but not completely clueless
to the ways of love
and everything that comes with it..
i know
a look
can't be enough
to wrap me 'round you,
but can a thousand?--
each second
of every forever
that you go walking by,
turning slightly--
are you noticing me?
..hopes too great
to let them be right--
i'm always wrong
so nothing's new..
except
that now
it's you
that is right
without knowing
what you feel like
against me
in the darkness
of a candlelight vigil--
maybe tomorrow.
top
Try
broken hearts
leftover lives
nothing to say
but love has left me once again
to dwell on yesterday's glories
and the dreams that would have come..
had i given it another thought
maybe we'd be together now--
not sitting in the kennel
to wake up and hear the cages clang
to let us know that which keeps us apart.
forgotten since the beginning,
never meant to happen--
but it did.
singing on the hilltops
of a thousand-mile road,
the droplets spreading over
to scrape away the smiles
we'll never see again.
but
if i had given it
another chance–
another push
to jump it back into life,
maybe we'd be together now
and everything would be better
than this hell of being apart.
top
another day
tomorrow's another day
to say that yesterday wasn't
and today is nothing special--
just a leap forward
to gain on the next
and let go of the rest
until you're tired of the relay
and rest on today.
top
gooberchild
i'm
trapped
in my own claws
and i'm trying to free
myself
from what i see
in the mirror,
in the pictures,
in the eyes
of everyone who looks
at me--
i can go a day
without thinking
of what it is i need to change,
but 7 days make me weak
and i break it off with
myself,
forgetting the
promises made/
the
tortures laid
before me
and carried out by my own hands/
nothing's gonna change
as long as i'm
in the mirror,
in the pictures,
in the eyes
of everyone who looks
at me.
top / footnote
kissing toads
sweet smelling perfume
bottled in her room
ready to escape
ready to bloom
but can't spread her wings
in the balcony
of time.
a thousand stars shatter
to see her smile,
a thousand more wait
to see her frown..
kissing toads
to find the right one,
she'll never be sane
until she has someone to blame
for every little thing
and to love even more
for every little thing.
never the center of attention--
just the universe.
never standing on a ledge--
just the edge
of reality.
in her own dream world
and creating more
each day,
she swallows the chores given
and runs away to see them left
in the hands of the giver.
kissing toads
to find the right one,
she'll never be sane
until she has someone to blame
for every little thing
and to love even more
for every little thing.
top / footnote
another symphony
given a thousand years
only to wait a thousand more--
in a day we parted,
in a day we could regain
everything lost
by the tears that keep us from each other.
bring on the stabbing
of my heart and yours--
we can take them--
as long as we're together
tomorrow will come
again.
top
collapsed lung, pressured soul
never seen the world from afar–
don't know what it's like
to dream of tomorrow
when all i can think of was yesterday
and the time i spent with you..
traveled through the glaciers—
melted the caps of our souls again.
forgotten what the nightmares are
when i'm still thinking of you.
can't speak–
must
hold on to yesteryear
and remember
what it was
we had–
but lost.
gotta leave the memories
and strive for what may come
when the sun rises from darkness
and shines on both of us.
top / footnote
head over
invited to the party,
left at the door.
taken for a dance,
left on the floor.
nothing will ever be the same
once i rid myself of shame
and break down the walls
that keep us in this hallway of despair--
tomorrow is another day,
another chance at happiness
or another chance at glory/
pain/
regret
for everything i've done before
that's kept me from where i want to be--
with you.
scratch the ceiling
with your knees,
know that a quantum leap backward
brings you closer to me.
sifting through the days
that never seem to end,
they always begin
on a brighter note
when i'm
with you.
top / footnote
glimmer
brushing
past the Eden gardens–
lighting my way
with thoughts of her
and those smiles
that Heaven tries
to litter upon
(through jealousy)–
my eyes,
flickering,
move over the luminous markers–
i try
not to keep my place
wherever the feet fall–
for fear of being drawn
backwards.
top / footnote
A New Look
I used to see the world for what it is—
Bone-dry in the soul
Yet wet in the mind—
But now I see it like everyone else—
Cold, damp, dirty
Yet bright some days.
I don't know where I lost that sight
(maybe in the rain,
while the frost waits to harden,
or maybe it was worn through
by the sketches of a self-abandoned child),
But tomorrow may bring it back to life
Or cover it even more.
I'll just wait to see.
top / footnote
bleeding
bled a river for you,
now dry,
to give you life again.
still you wilted,
still you withered away
and all I could hear
was "goodbye today,
hello tomorrow,"
and the sorrow I left
when I gave in to you.
top
oxymoronic
grateful dead blasting through the headphones,
unlit cigarette burn on the sofa,
record spinning but nothing playing,
dust-covered tv blocking the view of morning,
another frontdoor kicked in,
another backdoor left open;
nothing's changed and everything will.
street preacher smiling to see the day,
bird flying too low to see the clouds,
junky getting off her feet,
mother putting down the apron;
never will it change.
top
traffic
looking back
at the traffic left behind
and the corners cut,
it all fades into nothing,
covered with nothing
and filled with nothing--
nothing, it is,
that you can run from,
that you can hide from,
that you can let control
without being in control--
nothing.
top
A summer at Milburn Place
Once again it was that time of year,
To plant, to mow, to set the dogs in rear.
For a month or two we would be gone
A time too short, but for Mum too long.
"The maid," she'd say, "will care for the dogs.
I hope she doesn't feed them like hogs,
as you're so prone to do."
With that, we packed and scattered through
To the truck left running in the yard.
Before noon we were a third there.
"Oh how I hope to see it soon," I stared.
Out of my window were the grasses so well known
That each blade had a name, like Matt, Tom, or Joan.
And that sign still hung above them all;
"Welcome to Milburn Place: Closed for the Fall!"
It had been up since the early Twenties, or so Mum said,
Left there after the great man himself lay dead.
"Why do they not take it down?" I asked for the hundredth time.
"It's their choice, Hon, not yours or mine."
It was sad to see and worse to know
That Mrs. Milburn couldn't let go
Of the only one her heart would know.
Yet, every year, with loving arms, she'd welcome Mum, me, and Flow.
We'd go camping, riding, even biking off road
In nothing but our trunks, something special Grandma sewed.
Even with the adventure we'd take,
I could feel Mrs. Milburn's life begin to shake,
To tumble, out of control, until a smile creased her face
And we'd have our last summer at old Milburn Place.
top
yesterdays
under the stars we laid asleep,
our arms limp and our hearts a'beat
ready for tomorrow to bring us closer
than the yesterdays left us.
top
The Darkness
Beneath the limbs of the sycamore
lies a familiar fear.
Smooth and hidden does it appear,
yet close to home it remains.
Through the wandering paths of the golden age
one must travel to see
the welcoming arms of the sycamore
and the shelter from the breeze.
top
tomorrow
tomorrow's the day
that will forget yesterday
and leave today for good.
top
crystal field
sparkling eyes in a crystal field,
the transparent blades waving over her,
revealing a smile of tomorrow
not yet known in today.
too brilliant with the flickers
of a million stars shining as one,
she stands in front of a sky
that could never be as bright as her..
too precious for us to see.
top
it goes
master of my own domain,
slayer of the dragon's reign,
bring me down from where i am,
swear my life to being damned..
drag me along the ground,
cage me like a wild hound,
turn your eyes for a second,
hear my anger loudly beckon,
slit your throat with my teeth,
hang your head within the wreath..
top
left without
brought open on the East side of the world,
already after noon and too late to see yesterday
or the rest of today
in all its grandeur
and with all its shadows.
lifted above the tree tops,
still unable to see,
the ravens fly in front of me,
to the West their silence flows
to leave the pounding of their wings.
top
history
history,
made secondly,
is not the cause to write
or play
or win
or create,
for tomorrow is not made by today,
only influenced a bit
to keep them connected,
the In in
and the Out another chance at it.
top
She
She sits alone,
Staring at the darkness of a light left on--
And another day passes.
She stands alone,
Arms outstretched to welcome Death--
And another night passes.
She walks alone,
Eyes flickering to and forth, taking in the world--
And another year passes.
She screams alone,
Lungs heaving, lips twitching, ears bleeding--
And another lifetime passes.
She dies together,
With the rest of the world at her back--
And another soul rises.
top
touched
grab on and let us fly
through the skies and through the lives
a thousand others have given up.
take my hand and close it on your own,
never to let go
until the days cease and the nights reign--
even then our kiss will hold us close.
part the clouds
and bring down the rain,
we're the ones to adore--
race with the wind
and send forth the thunder,
we're the ones to adore.
top
behind the stars
staring at the sun
from the otherside of heaven,
i can see the world in a different light
and i can touch the stars without being burnt.
top
i love you
sometimes
when words mean more
than touching her ever could
there's nothing to say
except "i love you"
until the words fade
and the time passes
to spell another "goodbye"
top
worn
so i sit
and i stare
at the sun
to see the rays
that everyone talks about
and i wait for the moon
that everyone pledges to--
nothing;
nothing comes
and nothing leaves,
but the day grows darker
and the night grows brighter,
with a few charms in the sky
to keep me company;
a few candles in the water
to keep me warm.
night after day,
day after night,
it stays the same
and then i realize
that it's not the view
that's so striking,
but the thought that tomorrow
comes
but doesn't
until you want it to--
until you
are ready
for it to be seen.
top
my last summer
nothing's better than has been
nothing's farther than has been seen
nothing's sweeter than has been seen by you
in the mirror
that last summer we were,
that last summer we were.
nothing's gone, it just leaves;
to say good-bye is a mockery
of everything we've had
and the abruptness that the end came.
when i remember,
i see your face--
distorted
but not forgotten,
blurred
but still sharp to the eye.
vision's different when you view it from behind
and not in front,
not skewered by passion,
remorse,
or yearn.
it's clearer,
though changed;
it's brighter,
though 50/50;
it's painful,
though easier on the heart...
still
i venture to look
out of the frosted window
and i see
all that i missed
by the changing of the seasons
and the farewells of yesterday.
top
mine
my mind isn't really my own,
it's the compilation of years of opinions
based solely on the reversal of the truth
my actions aren't really my own,
they're the manipulation of a body
never meant to succeed.
what is mine is yours,
not by choice..
but by nature.
top
breaking
from the inside,
i view the fleshy glass
with its crusted,
white wounds,
splitting.
a jagged knife thrusts upward,
as the newly-formed scars disappear,
to say
the pain is unknown
and only in the watcher's eyes.
yet,
when blade is pulled from the burial,
the victim jerks,
screaming with horror
until the incision's filled
and the stabbing continues.
top
aged
a year had passed
since the leaves ceased falling
and the ground mirrored the sky--
a year of journeys not yet ended,
of blossoms still blooming,
of old man winter in his slumber
before another waking came,
of an old dog barking
at the squirrel he's never seen,
of boys playing in the road
until the old car comes...
of laughter
over nothing important,
just another parlor joke stolen
from another ragged magazine
found brushing the ground with its pages.
a year had passed
when i returned
to see everything changed...
the blossoms withered,
winter darkened,
the dog seemed too close to death
to be around much longer,
the boys stopped playing,
the magazine became just another paper
rolling along,
waiting for its turn to be buried.
yet nothing was different--
just me.
top
by the dawn
below the clouds
that separate heaven and my eyes,
i stand.
my mind in the air,
my arms by the side,
i stand.
rolling water fighting at my feet,
the day breaking and the night falling,
i stand.
years coming,
centuries leaving,
i stand.
hercules failing,
atlantis sinking,
i stand.
the moon changing,
methuselah dying,
i stand.
daylight crashing,
the brightness ceasing,
i stand.
moonlight fading,
the darkness leaving,
i stand--
alone,
yet together
with everything
and everyone--
i stand.
top
ode to the halls
cough drops--
sliding their way down
to sooth whatever it is
that's grasping at my lungs
and drawing air in,
but everything else out.
a lung,
perfectly preserved
in the blackness i've let it turn into,
slaps at the ground
as it's thrust from my body.
then again,
it's all in my mind.
that lung?
it's really another ball of mucus
that didn't belong anyways.
that pain?
it's really another leftover
from a cold not yet completely healed.
the cure?
another halls from my pocket.
top
beneath the stairs
beneath the stairs
i sit and wait
for you to come along
and take me away
from this hell
from this insanity
and to hold me
and to show me
what life really is--
what life should be about--
what everything's for
without mention of what's happened
or what's been wrong
but only of what could be
and how long it will last–
beyond the clutches of this world
is where we'll be
forever and eternal.
top
my own sound
running far from everything,
my steps beating against the sand
with each flare and each stroke of the bass,
my arms fly wide
and your eyes touch my lips,
pulling them apart
to each end of the spectrum..
with only you to keep them together;
to keep the strings yelling;
to keep the trumpets whispering.
our eyes see sky--
the postman's come
with the idea
that tomorrow will never be—
the house unkept,
the yard dried
and the water gone,
it was only a matter of time
before reality crept up
and our love bled away.
still the pounding reaches from my heart
to match with your screams
of pain,
of agony,
neither developed
to overtake the silence without me–
without you i'm still a man,
hunched over and drowning
in the yesterdays of tomorrow.
hitting the turns at a thousand miles an hour,
with nothing but the wind in front
and the past too slow to catch us,
our hands spread eagle
to stop the sun
from spoiling our laughter.
still the firm fingers glide over
the neck of another wooden angel,
strumming along
to the thuds of lovers left behind
and nights left alone–
nothing can stop the melody;
nothing can stop you from leaving me;
nothing can stop me from fleeing you;
nothing can hold us back
from each other
or the worlds hidden beyond
anything our eyes can see.
nothing can stop the melody;
nothing can stop you from leaving me;
nothing can stop me from fleeing you;
nothing can hold us back
from each other
or the worlds hidden beyond
anything our eyes can see.
top
Rose
stuck between shelves
of history—of romance,
she stares beyond me;
I can tell by her glances
of reality, short, but there.
a thousand words an instance,
each falling from her lips, her hair
as if to say
"I'm here, can't you see me?"
And I do,
with my eyes wide
to try,
desperately,
to hold onto her brilliance.
the brilliance of a never-darkening eclipse,
haloed by those rays of thoughts
that,
somehow,
leave her beauty
to be put,
unheard,
in my ink.
"A rose may wither,
a moon may slither,
a sun may fall,
and the stars may dither,
but constant are these words
that will never live up to Beauty."
top
sharpened over time
they cross,
quickly,
hastening to an end
that never started--
atleast not with awareness.
they just curve,
zig and jag,
touching,
but moving--
and,
for reason
or not,
they stop,
transfixed on paper
to never write,
until the next scratch lands.
top
melted
i sit there,
staring,
trying to make a life
out of this pain you've left me with.
my eyes split
and out pours my soul.
i'm melting,
melting,
melting,
from these scars i've been blessed with
and the joy that ran away.
i'm melting,
melting,
melting,
from the times we cried together--
now i'm alone
and you have yourself.
me, myself, and who?
top
numb-sense
"beginning with yesterday,
but not over 'till tomorrow,
my eyes pick up
what happiness has laid to waste." —
what a coward once said
to give the brave strength--
never made sense
until after the brave had won
and the coward was king.
"get into the shit
because the shit is what will thrive
when you're gone
and i'm still here to celebrate."—
what the brave said
to frighten the enemy--
never made sense
until after the brave had won
and the enemy was crowned
king of their own domain--
the shit.
top
missing halo
the rodent gnawing,
sawing,
at my emptiness,
lowering pain
to the depths
of my mind.
and still i wait,
wanting the fingers
of an angelic hand
to run over me,
caress me,
hold me.
drive those wings
through my back
and send me high--
flying--
clouded only by the sun's
lack of brightness.
top
pussy
tearing at the obscene,
left in the open
so you can pick my flesh clean
of the years that have passed
ant the shouts that have kept me up,
the screams that have woken me up,
the nightmares that sing me to sleep,
the dreams that say goodnight
but never tuck me in.
the tears rock the cradle
and spin my mind farther than i've ever
been able to go.
the darkness creeps in
and the vultures hover above--
my time's come and i'm left in the open,
another night passes,
another day dawns.
top
broken-hearted
so perfect and blue,
our minds one, but our hearts two
lifted into the clouds
by expectations and
never seeing the repercussions
of a thousand lies
said each day
and felt each night
as we lay,
silent,
but staring
at the ceiling
and away
from anything we've tried to keep real.
we sit and wait
for the day to come
when we can say
that it's over and we're done
but it'll never happen--
it'll never go away,
we'll never see the truth
until it's too late
and we're already split in two.
still we look to the stars
to tell us where we are
but we'll never see the future
looking at things so far away.
nothing left to say,
it's time to go
and leave the deal--
or maybe we can fix it later,
sleep on it tonight.
we sit and wait
for the day to come
when we can say
that it's over and we're done
but it'll never happen--
it'll never go away,
we'll never see the truth
until it's too late
and we're already split in two.
top
drunken lullabies
just let me go
and let me see for myself
why they call the sun bright
why they refer to darkness as night
why they say school is fun,
drugs are bad,
guns kill,
and rivers flood.
why the guitars ring,
the mothers worry,
and the other children scream.
why do the fields bloom
and the flowers wilt?
why do the friends leave
and the dogs yelp?
why do the people float away
and the sun still comes?
why do the cats fight
and the castles fall?
why do the birds fly
and the crystals break?
why does life begin
and why does life let life end?
top
Unrequited
nothing can change the way
i look at you,
you look back at me,
the pain we went through
or the unrequited torture
we gave but never received.
the pit of anger,
the claws of jealousy,
the twitch of tomorrow--
nothing can change the way
i feel for you,
you feel for me,
the tears we drowned in
or the shadow of yesterday
that lingers still.
top
eye wide
i see life differently.
while they see the pain,
i ignore it
and think of how joyous
the release will be.
while they see the death,
i enjoy it
and think of how pious
a new man will be.
while they see the beauty,
i look past it
to see what is there
that's not fully understood;
the bee,
buzzing,
grabbing at the reluctant womb,
tugging out its life--
the turtle,
diving,
darting through the world,
carrying 'round its home.
while they see survival,
i see living
and take this day
to be the next.
time is on my side now
and i'll woo it into submission.
top
follow the petals
walk along,
don't stumble,
you'll crush the stem
a thousand men helped strengthen;
trip, fall, tumble,
but don't touch the rosebuds
as they lay.
let your eyes guide you,
to see where life begins.
draw from the path
the way of what is to come
and know what it is you must do.
sip from the spring
the nectar of your soul
and know what it is you must do.
grab onto the railing,
but watch the petals,
for they wilt with you.
top
inspired
never written before
never known where to go
never let my feelings come so quickly
never seen this on the inside--
still hiding on the outside.
never believed
that life could be
this good.
never knew
that life could be
this pitiful.
given up
more times than i've begun,
i watch the clock
waiting for the time to come
when it will all pour out
and i'll be known--
and i'll be seen
for who i am,
poet,
writer,
artist,
son.
top
whatever
what
e
v
e
r
it is
that you keep seeing
what
e
v
e
r
it is
that you keep spilling
just clean it
u
p
and let me go
just wash it
d
o
w
n
and let it go.
top
take it all out on me
let the scars close,
let your eyes see
whatever it is
you lost to me.
top
growing pains
you slipped,
dropped,
fell,
shattered,
but you still broke
anything you were afraid of losing to.
they'll all pick,
but who gives a shit?
they're the same kids
that went to East,
while you're the one
on the street
living your life,
not following your shadow,
lingering in the past,
in the rank
of the food chain,
but living on your own
even with your family.
let it slide,
they'll be the ones to trip.
top
take me
last day out,
never givin' up
on being with you.
take that pride
and shove it down the drain.
take your hand
and put it in mine.
take off those glasses
and see the world
as bright as it should be.
let your hair down,
let your smile grow,
feel the wind
and take it all in,
the sights and sounds,
the merry-go-rounds
of our hearts,
growing bolder,
quicker,
pumpin' to our minds
everything we've felt
forever and a day.
let me hold you,
let me know you,
let me become you,
never give in.
why walk away, baby?
why touch the sky?
just hold on for the ride, lovely
and we'll go high--er
than the stars,
than the darkness,
'till we break through
and rock this shithole
for all it's worth--
nothing.
take my hand
let us fly
let us forget why
we ever stayed,
let us forget why
we let it go
until today.
top
one eye closed
as we scoot along,
i listen.
i listen to his mind
as it rings aloud
the thoughts of life and death.
his voice rhythmic,
shouts deep into my own,
causing them to echo
a silent retreat.
my ideals changed,
we continue through the night.
top
puppet
raise your eyes,
lifting my heart;
part your lips,
creasing my own;
stand and turn,
shifting my gaze;
laugh
and i'm dreaming,
glance
and i'm flying.
top
fallen
the tear,
glistening,
showing what need not be seen,
grows colder
as the sun wraps 'round.
a natural bandaid
in a pit of fat,
crispy to the touch
and still tender inside.
top
shackled
shackled
to this closed room
with a single ray
from a full moon
burning through the window—
a pinhole-sized savior
that breaks through my dreams,
lifting me to the door
with the key at my feet.
i still can't reach it,
my hands crawling along the floor
to grasp it,
but it slips away.
and so i stay in this room,
this hell,
this blackened,
darkened,
heaven;
my angel tomorrow,
my satan today.
top
standing behind you
standing behind you,
i reach for your hands,
but they are already 'round me,
shaking—
waking me with excitement.
you lean back
and i forward,
our bodies meeting—
i become your starry cover,
with my arms about you
and your neck 'gainst my lips.
take our hearts,
place them between us—
they will never fall.
top
old navy shirt in the gutter
tattered, scarred and worn,
with great holes torn,
i wonder who was the last
to have scorned this fabric of ancient times–
"90" is seen halfprinted on the tag;
what tree had this cover of flesh been snagged?
what river had it traveled to lie here--
to be lost and found every time the day turns night
or red turns the green of the street light,
hiding the corpse of the cotton shred,
but never giving it a place of home.
so still it drags along,
from boy to boy
and from jaws of dogs
or wheels of cars,
constantly moving,
only resting when at last
the beggar boy
shakes it free
and lets it breathe.
top
dusted valley
gentle petal spinning,
falling quicker than the rest—
heavier weight, lighter seed—
crashing through the soiled ground
but too young to touch it first.
a million more trees,
never seeing the night,
shimmer- glimmer- simmer
till they boil over
to rest on hidden ground,
held above all
as the kings of a dusted valley.
top
sorted lies
throwing up my hands
to block the sun
that pours through uncrossed fingers,
i shed myself
to know the truth
of what life should be–
shoved against the rocks
that time has left in place,
stopping the sea of thought
and branding it as meaningless,
i scream to know my voice,
i live to know my mind,
i smile to know
who i am.
top
diznee
staring, wishing, crying,
diving
into thoughts
of what could be
of what may be
vague memories
of tomorrow
with you
and me,
side by side,
the fog pouring in
to drown our sorrow
and release our love.
bubbling over,
we'd stumble
and get back up
to wipe away the pain,
healing our wounds
and keeping the blood flowing
to warm our hearts
and sizzle our tears,
long gone,
since we'd be together,
staring, wishing, smiling.
top
the coldness of ice
plunge into it—
dive into it—
what do you see?
not you, but you;
as broken as the ice
that surrounds you,
distorting you.
embrace it,
hold it,
and know you're like me.
top
something
suppose i saw you,
never meant to,
it just happened.
would you wave me,
swaying daisy,
and let me know?
suppose i met you,
never meant to,
it just happened.
could i see you,
even hold you,
not letting go?
suppose we were dreaming,
never scheming,
it just happened.
should i wake you,
or maybe watch you
for a while?
suppose i loved you,
never meant to,
it just happened.
could you love me,
maybe hold me,
till we die?
top
suck from me
suck from me
and i will fill.
take from me
and i will seal
the vault to myself,
ever growing,
and steal from you
that which keeps you knowing.
top
the table
see-through top
to let the world view
what keeps you going;
legs—curvy–
spreading to keep you up;
turns, intertwining, shaking —
as the wind blows.
top
please
please
drown me in sorrow;
please
let me die;
please
throw me away;
please
keep me far from you;
please
let love vanish young.
top
the box
boxed in,
craving.
what?
i don't know.
conceal me—
heal me—
why keep me closed?
top
i first saw you
i first saw you
standing on the balcony
overlooking the sky,
smiling down
and warming me on the inside
where no one else has been.
you just seemed so far away
that even dreams wouldn't do
to shed a little more light on you.
top
the switch
flick me up,
drag me down.
watch it flicker—
keep me on.
top
closed
standing at the door,
the key by his feet,
he searches for it
without moving
to grab it--
without clawing
to lift it up
and kick open reality.
his attention sways,
following
the ray
of moonlight
burning a hole
through his bed,
where his eyes would be,
where each night
that pin-sized savior
keeps him from dreaming--
from seeing life.
top
Music From Another Room
the center of my universe,
but still surrounding me,
that gentle harmony
of Beauty
sings against my mind,
hinting at her existence
but still silent to my heart
until–
her eyes,
throwing their veil
of twilight
crashing into my daze,
shatter every picture of perfection
and rebuild them to fit her ways.
top
pain.. gone.
i sit here
i lay there
wherever it is
i think of you
and everything brightens..
the peaks of the candles
racing silently along
and over
and inside
every crack
of my barren wall,
gradually being filled with memories
of you
and me
and everything we've shared--
every word spoken,
every night
and every day
we've been..
still the lights grow whiter,
until
finally
everything becomes heaven
and you,
perched next to me,
sharing with me
Our heaven,
Our stars,
Our happiness,
pull together
and flush out
any wound left open
from another time,
distant now
and distant always,
bringing me closer—
ever closer—
to you. .. dedicated to S.L. top
sprites
Hi.
Bye.
Say goodnight to yesterday;
Let the stars shine
And the children play–
In the moonlight is where they belong.
Dancing under the lamp
Of a thousand ancestors–
With their own do they belong.
top
untitled
put down for the 32nd time in a minute
my mind's gone and my life with it
nothing's left for tomorrow's torture
why do i let it get so close to me?
horrible dreams that brighten the nightmares
all i can do is sit and stare.
into the open my thoughts go
brushing past everything that's blocking my future.
let the pain seep in
it's nothing new to me.
let the shrills scream louder
it means nothing to me.
sit and scream.
run and laugh.
i'm calm, i'm calm.
top
dream
he lays back,
staring at the beauty before him;
the stars in her eyes,
the sun in her hair,
the heavens in her lips,
the dreams in her smile..
the love between them
and the love yet to come;
the love never seen
that has always been there
to be taken down
and put above their heads
to forever reach for..
top
in denial
spring comes,
the rose blooms..
just in time to catch the sunset
as another fall arrives
and the light fades away.
crumpled leaves under blackened feet
give way to what is sought
but dares not bend to show the way.
a mouse scampers across the floor,
heading to God knows where.
its tail, flickering, lashes at the past
of the times when they were playing
in that field of darkened life.
it's all over
but still it begins to grow worse..
nothing's left once the sun goes down--
nothing's left when you know you're defeated.
top
too weak to say goodbye
the stars in the skies
pass under my dreams,
brightening a path that leads us away
from anything i've ever known.
Love's name has never been mentioned..
the things you make me want to do--
suffocate, bleed, hold my neck high above the ground
so everyone can look
and laugh at the one that gave it all
to be nothing.
paradise was only a nightmare
that came true without closing my eyes.
i'm so pathetic.
i don't want this anymore--
the life, the pain, the burden of being myself.
i won't spend another night alone;
i'd rather die than let myself drown
in the tears that are coming down
from the loss of you.
a knife was never so beautiful
as it is in my hands--
as it is in my mind's eye.
top
pathetic
Once upon a time
The nights flew by
Now I sit and wait for morning.
With this mask over my face
How could I mistake
The torture that I feel?
I'm so self-centered
That my esteem has turned to shit.
Why do they call it prison
When all it is is an escape
From the reigns of society?
How could I forget
The pain that I give?
I'll never be good enough
For the world to accept me
For who I am or what I want to be.
I'll never last a lifetime
When all I want is to die.
I'll never make it through
The keyhole to the door
That keeps me inside.
top
i'll never
i'll never be the same
that time's passed me by
and i've hung on to the end
what used to be
is no longer
what i dreamt
i've woken up to nothing
tell me tomorrow is another day
and i'll remind you that that's what i said yesterday
nothing is everything,
pushing on my shoulders
to put me in my place.
i'll never be here
because i was never there.
top
it's amazing
it's amazing to think
that tomorrow it could be gone
that today it couldn't last
that the next time i see you
will be the fastest my heart has ever been
that i won't be able to say it again
and all my stars will crumble
and all my dreams will drown
not in the sympathy
but in the tears i leave behind
the world is filled with losers like me
maybe next time you'll find a winner
or someone who could go the distance--
farther than i've ever been.
it's amazing to know
that tomorrow just isn't another day
that yester-day may be our last
that forever's gone by so quickly
as to spin us around.
now our backs are together
but our hearts are apart.
pull a 360 and land on my ass
nothing's new, to say the least.
a fling is a fling
love is never victorious
and all we had is in the past.
it's amazing
that our last words
weren't goodbye
but instead the silence of the pained--
the screaming of our hearts
for our thoughts to move us anywhere but here.
top
beyond
beyond this turmoil
beyond this plague
of words--
of actions--
of loss of actions--
all there is
is the truth that lies
in the feeling i get
when your name is mentioned.
spark my heart
and knock me over;
all i want is you.
from hell to heaven,
back to hell we've come.
from fight to kiss,
back to fight we've come.
i'm too weak--
i give up..
not on us
but on the pain.
i love you
more than there is life.
i love you
more than those words
we throw around.
i love you.
with these feelings
all hurt goes away-
all pain flushes out.
i love you.
more than anything
living or not--
long gone or near--
i love you.
top
bitten through
i sit there and cry,
but you can't see the tears fall down.
you're too high
to see i'm crawling again.
i grip the edge,
not wanting to slip
but i do.
the skin parts
and out pours my heart.
still you're oblivious to the pain.
i can't step away;
it's too far to walk alone
and i'll die before i get there.
let the blood flow,
it's all you'll see
when i run from you.
top
multi-minded
believed to be
what i'm not
what i'll never be
what isn't me
i've lived the life
of a million men
in a day half died
in a day half survived
just to be reminded
of what went wrong
of how fucking long
it'll be till the end
till we finally spend
that time together.
i'm so far from myself
i'm on top of the world
i'm so behind everyone else
i'll be coughing for years.
youth to nothing
i'm the one that's split in two
multiple, separate, but always held together.
i'm the one you dream about
top
sleeping beauty
she lays there,
her closed eyes burning through me,
showing me what being alive is suppose to be.
i reach for her,
gently pressing my lips on to hers,
melting with her to the point of no return.
she awakes,
the light from her heart piercing through my soul,
sending waves of life throughout our bodies.
she is the one i dream of,
yet never cease to see.
she is the one i live for,
yet i would love her even beyond death.
she is the one i wish to awake,
the one that will take our souls and make us one.
top
we said hello
It all started after it ended
And that's why I'm so confused
It all started after we left
And that's why I'm so confused
We fit so perfectly
But the edges collided
We were so in love
But the cliff came too fast
I wish I knew
What she was thinking
But then the secret would be stolen
And I'd be left to wonder why.
All I want is her
But that's no longer real
All I need is her
But there's no chance in hell
Why can't I keep my smile
Why am I in denial
Of what it is she means to me.
Why am I in denial
Of what she is.
She came back
Into my life.
top
