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musings & scribbles

i’ve sure seen some play

i’m at a loss for words
and you’ve got plenty.
we still sit, feet off the
floor, fingers twisted
with palms flat to one,
another. i’m so glad
you left me to see that
life without you is life
without body, just eyes
walking endlessly through.

b-sides and rareties
are what my life has been;
never been on the LP,
but i’ve sure seen some play.
i cannot sacrifice the words
for their reading; no, i cannot
give in to what is specific to
only the language i write and
not the world; the world speaks
in sneaky breaths, holding
us high only to let us down and
rise again.

when you read this

will i go farther
reaching for the stars
or settling for what’s already
ours?

my mind says i am
more than this; i am
so much more than this,
but still i sit
and, more, i wait
to be told i am;
to be told i am would
only give credence to
a thought so buried i
can barely hear its cries
for freedom from these
bonds of socially-created norms,
like money and mortgages.

i am more than this.
i am more than what i pretend to be;
i am not an angry ape,
pounding my fists in the dirt
to become an annoyance just as
life has become mine;
no, i am
more than this; i am
searching for what i will be
when you read this.

random musings

Don’t put it back the same way
you found it. That only means
you never existed.

A good king reveals problems,
but still despises the very notion.
Patios are for guests and bird watchers. Star gazers need a hill. Don’t ask me why, but I think it’s just social assumption; that oldest trait we still attribute genetics to.

I always find speed to be less a knowledgeable outcome, more a byproduct of being wreckless in earnest.

Preparedness should never be defined by the variables.

finding out you’re inadequate sure hurts, but so does finding out you’re just adequate. all told, you have to look at everything the world has to offer before you subscribe to the notion that, “one wrong is everywhere.” just like a hitter may need a different rotation, a quarterback a different receiving corps, a coach a different team– just like each of those, you cannot feel as though you are not good enough for all. you’re great for someone, for some team. you just have to find that team, show them you’re worth their time, and grow.

That’s what many fail to realize, really. Growth is not possible in a static/stagnant place. You either cannot expand, or you’re just spreading filth.

define:me
so,
i don’t think
you can.
i think you
see what
you want:
a spot of text.

‘ but not
‘ who i
‘ am.
‘ (a
‘ man walks through
‘ an open door,
‘ he doesn’t look around
‘ or
‘ stop to turn the handle,
‘ he just
‘ walks through and
‘ you take that to mean
‘ he knows it’s open,
‘ but what if
‘ he’s just walking
‘ and doesn’t
‘ know it’s a door?)

Baby

Baby, you
Just came home
ANd all I can see
Are your eyes
Calling me in
To be your cover
From a long/hard
Day.

Baby, you
Just woke up to
Me rolling over
To be closer to
You, and all
I can see are your
Lips/your eyes
Saying to me,
“Welcome home,
You’re right where
You need to be.”
And I say,
“Ah.”

This technology

This technology bores me.
And, yet I am sitting here, on a cotton couch,
Stabbing at an object way too close to my eyes
For proper focus.
I feel as a digger, knowing more exists, but only seeing dirt
And my shovel.
Perhaps, perchance, I am lost to this time– a relic,
Or a modern knock-off of one,
From a time when only knowledge mattered
Because spoiling only happened to food and the privileged.
I know myself, but rarely think of what I am capable of.
Does that make me timid? Do I rely so heavily on the mystery of what I can do that I forget how to do it?
I once wrote a poem describing impending death on a battlefield.
I became that character through words and the revision of lines.
Now, I write whatever nonsense I can stop to remember or make up,
And hope that I will, eventually,
Bother to be who I saw a glimpse of then.
I’ve written one play in my life, and yet feel as though I could measure with the best.
Why? Because, I see myself in their times and think, “I am capable of what was done.
I would have made an excellent contemporary.”
Then, why don’t I bother to be the best /now/?
I can be. I just let life get in the way. Life.
That muse which outstays it’s welcome;
That burden that weighs so much, we feel ourselves lighter and, thusly, worthless without it–
And, yet I sit here, stabbing at an object
That is little more than a sandstone, repurposed when the energy fades out.

Like A Fool

I sit here, cold and uncovered,
While your scent of warmth
And memories tickle my nerves.
Yet, I still sit here. Like a fool.

Love Is

Love is when she fills every memory– even the ones she’s not in.

Status Update

So, the last post I’ve made is from August. And the WordPress mobile app on this phone has not been used since May 17th. So, I think I will update a bit. And, there you have it: a status update.

Update 1: Done posting a few shorties. The problem with posting using the day I wrote something is that it is confusing to those expecting new content to appear first. My interpretation of, “new content,” is that there is now something there which wasn’t before. Sorry if it’s harder to follow.

Quotes

Even a general must leave the fort for an encampment.
-> Even a general leaves the palace for a tent.

Work is less an ideal and more a necessity of conditioning.

The blind don’t know the difference unless told; the deaf don’t know the difference unless written to; the uncaring don’t know unless having questioned themselves.

God is a moniker of The Way. If you knew this before, smile; if you know this now, laugh; if you still disbelieve, be angry with indifference.

A softened sound serves as evidence.

We are a shared existence. As one, we are a wave and not a bubble.

What makes you is you. Possessions are just a means to enhance yourself because you are not being enough of who you are.

[^2/19/2012]

A message of money is man-made.

On structure: Offer a person a penny, and they may not want; offer a person a million, and they will desire.

Here’s _the_ thing about God: If I think He is only what I believe Him to be, and at the same time His full greatness is unknowable, then am I not a fool who tries to fathom the unknowable? The Bible is knowable, as it is written, and is therefore not the fullness of God’s greatness, just as the thoughts in my head are not and cannot be a complete understanding of His greatness.

The blind do not know the difference unless language or thought is used to distinguish; the deaf do not know the difference unless language or thought is used to distinguish; the uncaring do not know unless language or thought is used to distinguish. What is distinguishable is wholly dependent upon the language or discernment used to promote thought beyond situation.

Going back to the thought that God’s full greatness is unknowable: We name Him many words which are pronounceable, and this is where Taoism is important to understanding, but if His full greatness is truly unknowable, then names are foolish nonsense to differentiate and segregate understandings of Him. My Mother taught me, when I was young and could not fully understand (and was therefore in a blessed time– when I could not understand what others knew and, therefore, knew I could not– and did not think I would, because, just as I stated earlier, His full greatness is unknowable; And I was closer to that understanding then)– my Mother taught me, when I was young and could not understand, that I was going to understand God in my own way, and that doing so is important; she also taught me to love others without question, and to be mindful of my actions as they affect others. My Mother, and I capitalize her in respect, feels God is a woman, as she knows Her love as warmth and caring, as a mother. Those who read this and feel a tinge of bewilderment have not yet come to terms (the only way we can try to understand) with God’s full greatness being unknowable. Calling God a male is through translation and the comprehension of our ancestors.

God is great, for He has given us/granted us/evolved us/allowed us to comprehend what cannot be known by coming to terms with, understanding, that there is more than we know; and we should not fear.

musings & scribbles