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i fought hard to be who i am
greatest opponent was me
but that’s not to say i’m a loser or a winner,
just another person trying to leave the ring
and start a family, start soemthing more.

i’ve fallen while running and been running while falling,
trying to catch myself now, but neither’s that easy to quit
when the hill is steep and i’m on the decline.

now’s my time to say that i’ve been more of a man than my father was,
but i don’t think that matters much when i’m who i am
and he’s not who he was. times, they change without needing our say–
and i can’t help but keep quiet today, now that i know that fact
and know my words matter much more to the breeze than the ease
of life, lived to be someone i forgot existed a long time ago.
i wanted to be president, an officer, a gentleman and a benefactor to the world at large–
can’t say i’m not, can’t say i will. can’t say i’m not,
can’t say i will.

sad music about someone else makes me want to change the song. it’s like listening to a fisherman lament not catching any fish while staying in the same shallow waters.

we traveled the globe, hoping getting away together would bring us closer to who we want to be. i felt we could, too, until we got to each place we were going and realized we just changed the scene, but the players and the lines remained the same. it’s hard to change when you’ve not saved in a while– we’re always fearful of forgetting everything we knew, even though we always do and make up for it in other ways.

i fell flat on my face
to the softness of our bed,
lifted a tired arm around
you, the warmth waking me
to sleep with eyes closed
while you breathe into me
and i held up my lids just
enough to take you in again.

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musings & scribbles