Year: 2006

• rentals for 10/05/06

  current rentals:

            click
            oldboy + “10-ways of fucked up”
            returner + crazyweird, man
            the fog

  to-view:

            everything is illuminated
            thank you for smoking
            united states of leland

  just bought:

            gojira – 2-disc box – top-5 favorite movie
            the princess and the warrior – top-5 favorite movie
            roujin z – “haha, old man does it right!”
            akira – “no way!”
            le diner de cons – constant laugh

  seen:

            jet li’s fearless + !
            x-men iii ~ !

  October 6, 2006

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• Music is my muse, and the words my lovers. What else does one need?

  Music is my muse, and the words my lovers. What else does one need? Perhaps food, warmth, shelter? If you know the music and love the words, you will need none of those three, for you will find they come along much easier than muses and lovers. The world is full of food, full of warmth, full of shelter, full of war, and full of peace. The trick is to find, or let find you, the happiness and love for which you should live your every-single-day in sweet embrace of destiny, both breathed and mediated.

  September 26, 2006

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• i have a problem with words.

  i have a problem with words.
  us, we use them, we throw them
  away, hold onto what they meant
  but keep going as though they
  were never said; or maybe we
  hold on to the thought and watch
  as it slowly falls from view, a
  sort of leaf and we’re caught in canopy
  , out of touch with the effects
  of a collision between dug/filled ground and new.

  September 21, 2006

  ---

• i know you’re reading this

  i know you’re reading this
  , or you wouldn’t be , but ,
  i know you are, so , i’ll assume
  what i will and shrug off the rest ;

  September 21, 2006

  ---

• in a wind, you

  in a wind, you
  told me all you
  ever said in
  one breath, so
  deep– i
  never knew
  you would
  want the words
  returned
  , well,
  how lucky
  the sky
  spans us all
  and
  all i need be
  is transparent
  for you to see
  through to
  where i am not,
  nor you,
  but
  still
  your eyes are
  and, there, they
  live, they
  experience
  the curvature
  of a world
  stood on
  and slept in,
  walked and
  wandering,
  waiting for
  the visitors,
  they, who are
  lively, stationed,
  to feel
  to feel
  they are all
  in this,
  She,
  together, and
  ignorance
  is bliss
  only if
  you know not
  ignorance exists–
  walk the turning world
  and know you’ll never
  be where you are now
  again
  unless you
  circumnavigate
  this crystal-clear cylinder,
  perfectly/
  slightly/
  rounded, bulged and
  so stuck in gravity
  to find the worry
  of falling
  is just if you go
  too far from where you belong, for
  if you risk the raise of
  the risk, you’ll
  surely find a notion squandered
  by crazy calamities,
  but if you
  are where
  you belong,
  and you’ll know,
  you’ll know if you’re
  where you
  need to be, you’ll
  surely be safe, for
  you wouldn’t be
  where you belong
  otherwise–
  and
  fear nothing, for
  you are where you are for
  the sake of not being
  anywhere
  anywhere else, but
  but
  hold on, and you’ll never go.

  September 21, 2006

  ---

• every cover story of the Princess

  every cover story
  of the Princess
  stirs about your face
  to show me/remind
  the mind you’re alive
  despite my no longer
  remembering your
  heart beats.

  every new secret
  found lends
  a thought to
  what you’re into/what’s
  going on with you now
  and what
  happened with you then.

  September 21, 2006

  ---

• k,

  k
  i’ll try to start one
  without having a
  reason to. i often
  falter/fail to finalize
  arrangements/i’m
  always too lacking
  in that department/i’d
  rather keep everything open,
  keep everything going/i
  don’t care/i care/i don’t/i
  wish this was always so easy
  to say i quit, i’m done, i’m gone,
  i’ll leave you now and pray you
  keep your distance– i am
  rabid after all, and you
  wouldn’t want to
  scratch the back of a mongrel,
  he might fight back and
  trap you ‘gainst some near-found ropes
  so likened to fear.

  September 21, 2006

  ---

• promise

  i promised a long time ago that this site would not be used as some sort of entry-system for a personal log. i would keep this site short, with only writings/scribbles and useful information. over the past few weeks, i’ve sort of divided time between doing just that, and allowing myself to deviate from doing so.

  okay.

  i have grey hairs. i’m 23, and i have grey hairs. i’m stressed, i’m tired, i’m constantly worried, and i’m a shaking little animal in a corner, whose only outlet is through allowing everything to proceed, because i’m too wrapped up in my own torment to stop and realize that this is just a life, not some sacred mission. but it is, and i’ll continue to be who i am. for that, i’m sorry. i’ll never be a happy person, unless i am, and i’ll never be fully satisfied, until i am. that’s how it/this/life/breathing/acceptance goes.

  i’m fucking weak.

  and i’m sorry for wasting your time with my personal life. this site will go back to its regularly scheduled poetry.

  September 18, 2006

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• kilimanjaro

  alright. i’m done being down on myself. kilimanjaro

  September 18, 2006

  ---

• i, chris,

  i, chris, am doing what i can, and am not going to be for much longer. i time things horribly, but i’m looking to start over, from scratch, so i can stop feeling this way. i’ll never be completely confident or trusting, but if i were close to someone, i figure i might be.

  no. i won’t be. and that’s fine, because, maybe, i’m just not ready for someone. maybe i need to continue being all by myself, because i seem to do quite fine on my own, even if i do go crazy/insane, but at least no one else is dragged into the mess, and at least then they can go about their lives, and not have to add me in in the margins. no.

  no, i think i’ll just go and find something to do, and, having started a new job, that’s pretty easy: just think about work, grow monotonous, and live as though my life were based on a schedule.

  i’m done being 23 with no reason for being, except for myself, and for family, and, now, for work. i’m obviously not, but, i’ll try.

  i like reading what i shouldn’t and interpreting it how i do, because, at least then, i get to read something from you, because, otherwise, i would rarely be able to.

  September 18, 2006

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