Posts published in “Poems”

I’ve been putting off writing anything longer than a sentence or two for these last few months. I keep remembering Lost To The Abyss, and how many revisions there were, and how many times I read every word to fit or replace them until they seemed appropriate and effortless.

I took the effortlessness out of the end product and removed the effort from their production. I’m cheating myself (and you) by not bothering to clean up what needs to be said. I need to do better.

My wife said those words when we were dating: Do better.

They hit me every now and then, as though there’s a constantly running cycle in the back of my mind whose sole purpose is to remind me I can do better. I just fence the process into our relationship silo, rather than allowing it access to my entire life. Funny, our relationship is my entire life. Perhaps I have this backwards.

I want now. Before today, I needed to put word to paper or screen. Now, I want to do better.

I do not write details of my life, mostly because I’m not the only one in it, and partly because I’m a private person who enjoys putting my feelings and thoughts out for the world to see. Remember, access is not admission.

I miss writing for a purpose. Because I miss having a purpose. I am not a gifted writer, just prolific (if I am even prolific). Like Kobe, I keep taking shots because I know rhythm can only hide for so long and last so long; often, we have to trust repetition to not let us down.

We often baulk when someone’s number’s called,
Go missing in our thoughts when the number’s ours

We try forging time like a signature,
Hoping our gifts outweigh reality
As our faults give way to who we are
And living life becomes a tragedy.

Time allows us ample means to rewind to see
Who we could have been, but can we still live satisfied
With who we are and the opportunities
We forsake to be justified by selfish rites, not piety?

Don’t you know
There’s never been a
Single pharaoh
That’s lasted;
You have to prepare & plan
A lineage;
Don’t be forgotten,
Have your statues
Crumble into sand
While people forget
Why you got them.

Piled
up, this weight in
The back of my
Mind
Presses on nerves
Much less active
Otherwise.

All that follows is
A child’s dream of flying
Against gravity’s best wishes,
And chest-crunching laughter.

Following my feet,
In walking along
Edge of forest
Left to be
Overgrown with
The memories
Of a life lived
Longing for
Anything but
My own, the
Last look at you
Holds pace,
Giving me
Companion
When I walk
Alone along
Pavement’s
Cracked edges,
Overgrown with
Memories of a
Life you lived
Without knowing
It would end.

i take a minute to think
about my future, and who i’ll be.
only takes a second, and i’m writing you
to tell you where i am right now
as opposed to who i’ll be.

waiting for you,
i built a
lot of
bad habits, but
now you’re here and
i can’t think about
all of that;
no, i’ve got you
and all you do
is condition me
to be better than
i am;

a slight crystal
fills a void in
your tulip jewel;
i bought you
the brightest band
i could find, so
you need not worry
about falsities,
just the clarity of
your tulip jewel.

just because i sit here,
wandering my mind when i talk to you,
holding on to everything i can’t fit my arms around,
shuffling back and forth in this
old man sweater you hate but love
because you know now that’s who i am,
who i’ve been since i was 10 and you
hadn’t met me yet to change my mind
just that little bit into the better
man i am now that i have you to tell me
what i can’t see, but know enough to listen.

i followed my heart when my hands tried to tell me
the only position through is huddled by
a screen, lit with others lost in translating;
but, i followed my heart when you came calling
and acted out all the ways i never knew but
always saw how i should be when you’re standing
in front and i’m beside: a shift, a question,
a kiss, and we were on our way to being who
time’s told us we were always s’posed to be.