i feel like i’m flying away from wherever i have been for quite some time. these past 6 months have been nothing but an epiphany as to who i am, who i am capable of being, and who i am STRIVING to be.i never saw these worlds i live in now when i was younger. they seem distanced now from where i see myself as having been then/they, following a strange vein i had never invited myself to witness, allowing me to be someone i had once shied from for fear of being too me. i struggle. that’s why i am. i wake up after a 5hr nap and see my surroundings, i see my Love, and i juggle the thoughts of getting up happy or getting up tired. the happiness wins most of the time, but the tired knows it can. i write best knowing words are after what i say. that way, you never feel tied to the next word, and focus on the following words.i long for pause and reflection, and can have such when i want.we know this yard is ours to be. she said she wants a garden. i love her and she shows me why every day. i have to go to her knowing i will always be with her. it is a comfort.
That reminds me of getting up in the mornings in Hull, England – I always chose to get up happy. Now it’s like I don’t have a choice and get up tired or less-than-happy. How can you choose when it doesn’t feel like you have a choice?
But the main point is remembering what I used to do – and aiming to do the same now.