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Posts published in May 2012

for candi

he use to sit around,
mopin’ ’bout where he’s been;
she use to sit around,
hopin’ that he was interested in…
all the times she kept lookin’
after words were said.
… and all the pauses between their
visits became shorter,
like heartbeats; they were growing warmer
to the touch.

intimacy plays a major role in how we perceive a relationship, right?
it’s not just touching or reciprocation of feelings.
intimacy describes how we view the other person.
we either respect them, tolerate them, or use them.
rarely, but often, we love them. and, by love, i mean
gathering your day and casting it aside in favor of
a moment with…

there was a time when i fought for who i never met,
for who was so far away i thought we’d somehow
fall at the same time and end up together;
then,
she/my wife/ appeared, a miracle
for a trodden boy becoming a man by himself.
she changed my mind on a lot of things, most
notably the process of happiness– that
repetitive fixation on standardization no longer
took hold, no; instead, she
felt warm to my eyes, my hands, my lips, my blood.

for candi.

we always make up

you can’t tell me i didn’t try,
but you will anyway.
not that you want me to,
but you will anyway.
the pause between us
merits more than lowered eyes
and silent movings of the chest,
mimicking a breath but giving much less
than can be lived with;
the pause between us
merits more than detoured gazes
and silenced apologies.

i wake up every day,
blessed to be beside you.
the least i could do
is find a way to apologize.

clean, i stand

i gave myself a few days to cool down,
see that the world still revolves around
something other than me, mine, me.

held up a thousand things to take the time to be relentless,
ah,
so tiring.
and you listened the entire time,
to
all but my thoughts, those
wicked things waiting for peace to begreaterthan.

just a few words
and a few thoughts more:
i’ve never truly been lost,
just waiting for Him to show me
where i ought to be.
i’ve stood, standing, in where i cannot name
only to know it fondly later,
when i’ve ‘ time to see what He did with me.

just another thought
and a few words more:
i’ve never given up, except to be saved;
and i’m still waiting, yes,
i’m still waiting to repay.

the voice of an angel
wakes my soul
and i prepare
for another day
when the sun has risen
and the flat earth
holds its yellow shadow,
clear.

the glory of a day
raising me

i couldn’t see before;
here, i am who i
have become, but

like a miner for the gold,
i’ll chip away with
stroke after stroke
until you find behind me
a mound worth more
than my time ever could have been.

for what it’s worth, i’ve (yearly)
thought i should stop,
only to be driven to race across
a paper/a screen with words
like ants, but giving to.

all part of the

i gave myself
a few more times to
see how things might be
when i’m all i’ve got, but then
you had to come back and show me
how life could be if i were responsible
; if i became forever indebted
to someone, not just my
calling– this plan i’ve
tried to be, i.

i’ve sure seen some play

i’m at a loss for words
and you’ve got plenty.
we still sit, feet off the
floor, fingers twisted
with palms flat to one,
another. i’m so glad
you left me to see that
life without you is life
without body, just eyes
walking endlessly through.

b-sides and rareties
are what my life has been;
never been on the LP,
but i’ve sure seen some play.
i cannot sacrifice the words
for their reading; no, i cannot
give in to what is specific to
only the language i write and
not the world; the world speaks
in sneaky breaths, holding
us high only to let us down and
rise again.

when you read this

will i go farther
reaching for the stars
or settling for what’s already
ours?

my mind says i am
more than this; i am
so much more than this,
but still i sit
and, more, i wait
to be told i am;
to be told i am would
only give credence to
a thought so buried i
can barely hear its cries
for freedom from these
bonds of socially-created norms,
like money and mortgages.

i am more than this.
i am more than what i pretend to be;
i am not an angry ape,
pounding my fists in the dirt
to become an annoyance just as
life has become mine;
no, i am
more than this; i am
searching for what i will be
when you read this.

random musings

Don’t put it back the same way
you found it. That only means
you never existed.

A good king reveals problems,
but still despises the very notion.
Patios are for guests and bird watchers. Star gazers need a hill. Don’t ask me why, but I think it’s just social assumption; that oldest trait we still attribute genetics to.

I always find speed to be less a knowledgeable outcome, more a byproduct of being wreckless in earnest.

Preparedness should never be defined by the variables.

finding out you’re inadequate sure hurts, but so does finding out you’re just adequate. all told, you have to look at everything the world has to offer before you subscribe to the notion that, “one wrong is everywhere.” just like a hitter may need a different rotation, a quarterback a different receiving corps, a coach a different team– just like each of those, you cannot feel as though you are not good enough for all. you’re great for someone, for some team. you just have to find that team, show them you’re worth their time, and grow.

That’s what many fail to realize, really. Growth is not possible in a static/stagnant place. You either cannot expand, or you’re just spreading filth.

define:me
so,
i don’t think
you can.
i think you
see what
you want:
a spot of text.

‘ but not
‘ who i
‘ am.
‘ (a
‘ man walks through
‘ an open door,
‘ he doesn’t look around
‘ or
‘ stop to turn the handle,
‘ he just
‘ walks through and
‘ you take that to mean
‘ he knows it’s open,
‘ but what if
‘ he’s just walking
‘ and doesn’t
‘ know it’s a door?)

Baby

Baby, you
Just came home
ANd all I can see
Are your eyes
Calling me in
To be your cover
From a long/hard
Day.

Baby, you
Just woke up to
Me rolling over
To be closer to
You, and all
I can see are your
Lips/your eyes
Saying to me,
“Welcome home,
You’re right where
You need to be.”
And I say,
“Ah.”

musings & scribbles